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AIBU?

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Original poster

To let her open her presents?

64 replies

ThePeachPit · 25/12/2018 08:36

I know it’s Christmas morning and everyone’s probably busy.

But ex was supposed to come at 8 to see dd open her Christmas presents and have breakfast with her. I sent my new partner away after we did stockings and a few gifts upstairs and ex hasn’t even turned up. No calls/messages and he’s not responding to mine.
Am I unreasonable to just let her open her presents now and if he turns up, tough he’s too late!

OP posts:
gottastopeatingchocolate · 25/12/2018 09:08

Hope Santa brought him an alarm clock!!

You have shown such patience. I am not sure I could have done. Don't let it affect your day. Merry Christmas!

Bouledeneige · 25/12/2018 09:08

Has he turned up yet OP?

Its very hard to stop a kid opening presents. I'd let her having the stocking ones but not the main ones. If it was agreed then he's being a dick.

Original poster
ThePeachPit · 25/12/2018 09:09

Oh he’s not at home! That explains ignoring my calls and him needing so long to get here. He’s apparently on his way home to change.
You’d think he could have just missed one night of Random sex, seen as it’s Christmas or at least taken her back to his.

Well this is definitely the last year I offer this!

OP posts:
Original poster
ThePeachPit · 25/12/2018 09:12

She’s done a stocking that was on her bedroom door and a few presents Santa left on the hallway. My bf wanted to see her open some.
Ex was supposed to be here for 8, so the plan was bf go, ex come and we go down to her main presents. She’s always up 6:30/7 latest, was a bit earlier today because I think she heard me and bf talking.

OP posts:
Christmasisforadults2 · 25/12/2018 09:13

Merry Christmas and don't let him foolish behaviour piss you off more. Don't let it make you too mad, it's you and dd day. Let him do the presents and kindly tell him to leave.
Don't worry about future Christmas's just remember this is dd Christmas and yours

jessstan2 · 25/12/2018 09:18

Poor kids and poor you. Tell your daughter he has been unavoidably held up and let her open something.

I'm so sorry.

Troels · 25/12/2018 09:20

Just text, cant wait she starving and needs to eat. Let her open her stuff and make her breakfast. That'll be the last time her gets invited.

ShalomJackie · 25/12/2018 09:22

In future if your bf is now a long term partner I wouldn't be banishing him either!

DropZoneOne · 25/12/2018 09:26

Poor child :(

Apart from the excitement, she must be so hungry! Can you sneak her downstairs covering her eyes, make it a game, Through to kitchen so she can at least eat? Hopefully her dad will have arrived by then.

He's blown it for next year though.

H1dingInSight · 25/12/2018 09:30

Has he arrived? I wouldn’t wait another minute.

kateandme · 25/12/2018 09:30

Well done to ur bf.poor him you and ur dd.what a fuckwit. I'd be making sure I was waiting outside 2 be let in 4 mine on Xmas.dont no y u left it.he fucked up. Ur so much nicer than me.

Janedoe5000 · 25/12/2018 09:31

I know it's pretty much after the event but I don't understand why so people are saying wait until 9am or beyond.

The agreement was 8am. So he needed to be there before 8am to be ready for the agreed time. He was late when it was 08.01 and you people want a little girl to wait 1 hour or longer whilst a full grown adult decides if he's going to stick to an arrangement or not?

What is WRONG with you people? No wonder so many of you are walked all over.

AlwaysSomethingThere · 25/12/2018 09:41

What a fucking prick!

TORDEVAN · 25/12/2018 09:45

I would have given it 5 minutes and 1 phone call and then we'd have done it without him

He11y · 25/12/2018 09:55

@Janedoe5000 My thoughts exactly! He will carry on messing their daughter around whilst her mother carries on allowing him to! Protect your daughter from this shit OP - grow a backbone and make a stand. You won’t regret it!

pictish · 25/12/2018 10:04

Make this the last year you have this arrangement. I’d be furious if I were you.
Make nice, do the presents, then while you’re supping on a coffee, mildly tell him it won’t be happening again.

Birdsgottafly · 25/12/2018 10:10

"She keeps going to the bedroom window to look for his car."

You're out of order.

How long are you going to put his wants before her needs and damage her in the process?

She isn't his priority, stop making him yours.

Birdsgottafly · 25/12/2018 10:13

" My bf wanted to see her open some."

Good for him, but again, it's about someone other than your DD.

Yabbers · 25/12/2018 10:22

No way would I make my child wait on the whim of an adult who can't get their shit together to make a commitment to their child one day a year.

I hope you didn't wait. I hope you learned her needs before his. I'd have given 15 minutes grace at most.

Original poster
ThePeachPit · 25/12/2018 10:25

He’s here and presents have been opened and breakfast eaten. He’s taking her to try her bike on the street and then he’s going.

He knows it’s the last year, my bfs moving in properly in the new year and we’re having a baby. So I won’t be expecting him to leave next year and ex won’t come if he’s here.
Dd was as happy to see her daddy as she was the presents, so I don’t put up with it for him I do it for her. Usually I wouldn’t tell her so she’s not waiting, but she was upset that my bf was going and I told her that daddy was coming to see if Santa had left some presents downstairs. He was so desperate to see her get her bike I didn’t think he’d be a dickhead today!

OP posts:
SinisterClownWatchingYou · 25/12/2018 10:28

This is so sad.
Open the presents. Stop teaching your daughter that the wants of feckless men are more important than her.

Original poster
ThePeachPit · 25/12/2018 10:34

He was here at 9:20. Not only just got here. He started out with how sorry he was and then said “but I did ask if I could stay here last night and you didn’t want me to”.

I’m also aware that if he took me to court he could get every other Christmas and honestly I think he’d do it out of spite and then palm her off on a babysitter so he could still go out. He wouldn’t do the Christmas Eve stuff or stockings etc or even Christmas dinner unless his mum did it and she often works.
So I try to give him just enough so he he doesn’t do that! Rightly or wrongly, I’m not sure. I guess only time will tell if I’m doing the right thing or not, I never wanted this for her and I’m only trying to the best I can in the circumstances.

OP posts:
BettyDuMonde · 25/12/2018 10:44

Mate, if he can;t even be arsed to turn up when he promised to, I doubt he will ever see through a court case to the end.

It’s nice to make nice with the ex, but not at the expense of the kids.

You aren’t obliged to stick to a social agreement that someone else has already broken.

Original poster
ThePeachPit · 25/12/2018 10:50

Good for him, but again, it's about someone other than your DD.
The whole thing is really isn’t it Birdsgottafly. She’s two, I know a lot of that I’ve done is for me and not dd. But it’s starting those traditions and we both thought him having some of them with dd before our baby’s here next Christmas was a good thing. My bf spent all yesterday with us, making a gingerbread house, playing games and tracking Santa. He’d brought a globe and him and dd kept looking at where he was on the app and finding him “on the world” as dd kept saying. I don’t see him wanting to see her excitement at getting some “Santa presents” as not been for her benefit too, its them forming a relationship and I’m happy he wants to do that.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThePeachPit · 25/12/2018 10:51

Oh,if he thought it would hurt me he would Betty.

OP posts:
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