AIBU to be pissed off that my sibling always sends my Mum late Christmas/birthday cards?, and that's if he even bothers at all.

[Xmastinseltown]

As the title says really.
My dbro and SIL are always late with Christmas and birthday acknowledgements, and often don't bother.

Firstly, I want to point out that I know giving cards etc is not the be all and end all, but I can't help fuming at the fact that, yet again another year, I have to see my Mum trying to put on a brave face knowing that her son doesn't give a shit.
I'm especially fuming as I was with Mum yesterday when the Postman walked down the drive towards us (DM and I were chatting outside) waving a Christmas card. My Mum was happy to see him and took the card, hoping that (at last) my db and SIL had made an effort.
However, after glancing at the handwriting on the front, and realising the card wasn't from her son/Dil, her face quickly dropped and she looked dejected.

My Mum and I always ensure that my db and his dc's are given presents/cards for Christmas/birthdays all in good time, and it's hurtful to realise this is not reciprocated.
My own DC hardly ever get a birthday acknowledgement (not even a card which they'd be happy with) and I just feel so angry that they will happily accept our gifts.

Maybe I'm over reacting, but the way I see it, not sending a card (especially to your own Mum) is bang out of order.
AIBU to think this?
AIBU to be annoyed even with receiving a card two days after Christmas? ...after all, Christmas has gone.

I'm waffling on, I'm just so so pissed off that my Mum is left feeling her son doesn't care. To add, my db hardly ever contacts Mum, so a Christmas/birthday card means a lot to her.

Presents fine but sometimes you just can't get them on the day but you're unreasonable about the cards.

I don't do brjtbdau or Christmas cards. They're a waste. Yes she make like them but she needs to accept that some people just don't do them.

I agree, it wouldn't be so much of an issue if it was occasional, but, we can almost guarantee that, IF he does send a card, it's always late!
It's not really excusable regarding Christmas, as everyone knows the date!

They also do send cards, as SIL made a comment on FB telling her cousin that she'd posted her card last Tues.

YABU. It is none of your business.

I have to see my Mum trying to put on a brave face knowing that her son doesn't give a shit.

Over dramatic much ?
Not being too worried about cards, or not being too worried about a particular date does not mean "you don't give a shit".

Backforgood
You sound very hard faced to say the least.

But it’s not her job, it’s your brothers. Maybe he’s asked her not to bother. Not getting your mother a Xmas card is really not a big deal

Backforgood sounds pretty reasonable to me. Your charging other people with your own ideals of what’s important.

What is his reaction when you've spoken to him about it previously, op?

Similar to graphista my sibling could also write this, they are my parents stalwart wonderful support.... And delight in being given the tiniest opportunity to black sheep me!

Utterly desperate
He's made an excuse when he's been late before, 'not had a chance to post etc'.
He lives a few doors away from a post office

Why bother sending them cards at all? You said you wouldn't mind if they asked to stop gift and card giving. Maybe you should just get the hint and stop.

Number17
I've definitely got the hint now. I will bother no more, fuck em they can forget it. It's up to my Mum what she wants to do.

Maybe your brother isn't bothered about card-sending and your SIL isn't the type to pick up the slack for him?

Maybe he just doesn't like his family very much? (You do sound rather hard work if I'm honest! Chilling out a bit might see you having a better relationship with your brother that doesn't involve criticising him for relatively minor social infractions.)

Or maybe he is a bit self-absorbed in his own life, for his own reasons?

Yes, YABU. It's only Christmas cards.

"Similar to graphista my sibling could also write this, they are my parents stalwart wonderful support.... And delight in being given the tiniest opportunity to black sheep me!" Yep! Know how that feels!

My sis would say there's no reason for the lc despite the fact she knows full well the situation. She just denies it to everyone.

You do sound rather hard work

Thanks for that
And all because I think it's unfair for someone to accept gifts/money (without a fucking thank you mostly) and not bother to send a bloody card in return, especially to his Mother.
For the umpteenth time, this isn't a one off, it's constant.

Just because It's a big deal to you, doesn't mean It's a big deal to him. Some people, are just not that into the idea of sending g8fts and cards. Doesn't necessarily mean they don't care. Some people are just a bit disorganised, so things end up being sent late. Again, doesn't necessarily mean they don't care.

If you are so upset then just stop sending them cards and presents. They will either get the hint or be relieved. In which case everyone is a winner.

Talk to your brother about this or stop moaning. Don’t be the dog sat in the thistle. If you aren’t close enough to have the conversation then that might be why he isn’t as motivated to send you a card.

My DH is not at all bothered about his mum. They aren’t close. They don’t speak. I worked out a long time ago that it is not my job to convince him to interact with her. It is his decision. I’m not his handler.

Oh. My DH is one of these and you could easily be his DBro or DSis. He rarely remembers MIL's birthday. I send Christmas cards from us all so she gets those and I did his family birthday cards for the first 10 years or so we were together but I stopped as it's not my responsibility. To be honest, it is bang on that he just generally isn't that bothered by his family, they are all v close and he's not, it makes me sad that one of our boys might treat me like that but DH is an adult and his reasons for not be

Posted too soon. Was saying that his reasons for not giving a shit about his family long pre date me so I gave up trying. I guess it's just down to me to ensure that my own relationship with our sons doesn't follow the same pattern.

In that case, he's a twat, frankly. If I were you - being hard work and all that - I would call him out on it every single time, telling him that he's upset your mother and needs to put a bit of effort in. But, as I say, I'm hard work like that

I think whatever the reasons are, he and his wife shouldn't be accepting (money especially) from us.
Mum's a pensioner and I'm a single parent, and we're hardly made of money. Db is very comfortable , so it's not as if our money is 'needed' for his dc's
If they didn't want to bother at Christmas/birthdays for us, then there's nothing to stop them saying 'don't spend money on us as we don't really do Christmas etc'.
And let my Mum, especially, save her time and money.
One thing's for sure, I'm not bothering again. Sod that.

After sending xmas lists out in November, and a number of visits from DM and ddad to take gifts to my db's house for my niece and nephew, my db only posted my kids gifts (vouchers) on Christmas eve.

Add to that a VERY passive aggressive dig from my mum about if I'd bought cards with mum and grandma on - knowing she got the same multipack xmas card from my brother as I did - and I'm done.