Other side of the family bought my children way too much for Christmas

[spoon1996]

My partners parent and "step parent" (who I cannot stand and think he's a pedophile but there's nothing I can do with no proof, I've tried everything I possibly can!!) bought my 2 year old girl loads of presents without even asking if that was fine. I've gotten my daughter a good amount (she's only two ofc i would have gotten her a lot it's very exciting for me).

They spend 20 minutes every other week with her, she doesn't even call them by their names she sees them that little. They are travelling to Cuba On Christmas Day (despite having a 6&8 year old themselves) and they felt the need to get her a bike (which I showed them saying I was getting) and loads of other gifts.

Their own daughter is spoilt rotten and she's really hard to tolerate (hate saying that it's horrible but it's their own doing). They can't stand her for more than two minutes and moan and shout at her in front of me.

My partner their son/step son did not get this treatment. He got barely anything for Christmas and anything he wanted was bought from money of his own. He wasn't even bought a bed and slept on a mattress when they had the means to fix it

Why are they doing this? They cannot stand me because I have all the say and by far in my children favourite and they hate it. They love my own mother too and she's not well off, and I think this is the only way they think they win. They have seen how much they do love my mum and see her as second to me.

Do I say to them or just get rid of the gifts?

The stepdad disgusts me, why on earth is he buying my daughter so much when he doesn't his own children or his stepson. He's making his young children travel on Christmas Day why spoil mines?

They are just so thoughtless. I would rather a family member bought a toy that wasn't expensive or even nothing and just loved the girls very genuinely.

I'm so annoyed. I'm telling them
It will never happen again I'm not having a spoiled child.

Not to mention gave them to my 2 year old today and expected her not to want to open them. She cried for ages wanting them and I was like I'm putting these away it's driving her insane. So thoughtless!!

What does your partner think of it all?

Called me ridiculous and isn't speaking to me.

Never mentioned how I feel about the step dad it's way too risky, I've gone to health visitors etc behind his back and they agree telling him would never work. He worships the ground he walks on. He's been brainwashed and manipulated so I honestly don't blame him.

They are all your daughter's family, there aren't two sides. Difficult to tell whether YABU as it isn't clear why you think he's a paedophile. Do you have reason to think this?

Crikey.. I can think of worse things than travelling to Cuba but hey ho.
It all sounds a bit fraught. Just politely decline the gifts I guess.

You sound a bit irrational.

Why are you so sure he’s a paedophile? Surely you must be basing such a conviction on more than a hunch.

In isolation I mean grateful for people who love my children, would happily accept the gifts and give any away that I felt inappropriate.

Your DD’s grandmother and her partner going ott with presents at Christmas isn’t something that will surprise anyone, many grandparents do it (to the annoyance of many parents)

Why are you so convinced about the step father?

Don’t say nothing
Accept the gifts and take them down to the church or Salvation Army

I have posted on a recent thread why I think it

I have two girls (a 2 year old and 3 month old) and he is extremely pushy on them for them to hug and kiss him. He's my partners step father who only came into his life when he was 12 (he's now 21). He always makes an excuse to take a photo of them on his phone and pressures my 2 year old to sit on his knee, give him hugs, play with him etc. My two year old is potty training and She's only able when she's naked right now and for them coming over I put clothes on her. They'd been in the house for 15 minutes and I went upstairs to get something and I heard him saying she must need a pee she has to go for a pee, get her on the potty. My partners mother doesn't act like this she barely pays attention to my girls. Her and my partner also allow this and encourage it always telling my two year to do these things and giving him first hold of my 3 month old. This all disgusts me and I would never ever let him be alone with them or have them over night etc. Am I being horrible or am I acting right? I also don't like him either, he's a bully and pressures my partner into things. He also never acted the "father role" for my partner and never bought him a bed when he was a child he had the couch or a mattress.

Well fair enough not to have her naked in front of him. But asking for a hug and kiss and playing and taking pictures is fairly normal grandparent behaviour. Teach her its ok to say no if she doesn't want to hug him.

YANBU to be irked, but saying the stepdad is a peeedo is well out of order. Why do you think you have the right to say that?

You just don’t like them.
Why didn’t you tell your two year old she can open them tomorrow and put them under the tree until the morning?
Being tactile with kids and wanting to hug and kiss them doesn’t equal paedophile.
Your DP doesn’t seem to have an issue with them and it was him that had to sleep on a mattress.
Plus if he Called me ridiculous and isn't speaking to me. then it really is just your issue.

Don't give her their duplicate presents, you can either sell them or give them away. Give her anything which isn't a duplicate- luckily she's too young to count and it's more "one, two, three hundreds!" If there are too many to give on Christmas Day, I've always kept some back and given them over the next few days. At that age, too many presents can cause problems as the children get so overwhelmed, but you can lessen that by spreading it all out.

We can't tell if you concerns are valid, but without proof the best you can really do is be very, very vigilant and never leave her alone with him (or her grandmother who is unlikely to protect her if there is a risk). Sometimes crap parents turn out to be okay grandparents, but if you have a genuine concern and it's not just personal dislike then you owe it to her to be careful.

I've probably worded that harshly since I'm very annoyed

But no begging for her to hug him and pee in front of him to be naked is so not normal.

Any other person who's seen it says it makes them feel uneasy and they would never allow it with their children. And that no man would put them self in that position

He isn't a father to my partner so why to my kids would he take on any role?

Saying he's a pedo was a bit far but if he's not he has no understanding of children

Just keep your eyes and ears open and don't leave your kids with them.
They'll soon be gone

You need to teach your children that they can say no if they don’t want to hug or kiss anyone at any time - even you. If he is pestering your girls when they are saying no then you need to step in and ask him to respect when they don’t want hugs as you’re teaching them they have the right to refuse.

Unwrap the presents, choose a couple and re-wrap to give to her. Put the others away or give them away. You can say you have put them away as to not overwhelm her, or given away things that are duplicates or that she doesn't need.

Don't leave them alone with your children.

You think he's a paedophile yet you let your child spend time with him?

but obviously sees himself as a grandparents hes been your son life for decade or more.hes now just as much a part of the family as anyone.going on what you've said to me he sounds like a normal grandparent.they can take them to potty

I have to say that I know plenty of parents/grandparents who punish their kids or get in a mood with them if they refuse hugs. I doubt their all paedos it’s just that a lot of adults think they are entitled to hugs from kids in their family whenever they want them ime.

you sound young right?
and considering you just used this! "Saying he's a pedo was a bit far but if he's not he has no understanding of children" come the FUCK ON OP.fucking hell you cant call someone a pedo and shit wth kids the same thing

@HisBetterHalf I have no choice if I don't when I'm there it will happen when I'm not there. I've spoken to heath visitors and they agree this is my best option. If I had the choice I'd never ever let him near them.

Over dramatic drama llama you are OP. You just hate them and try to find any excuse to not haven in your life. He’s a pedo (with no proof) and then you claim, he has no idea about children?

The rest is just whining rubbish to make a drama of a family situation. I feel sorry for your partner having to deal with madeup issues.
I slept on a mattress too when I was a kid. We were just very poor for a while and we couldn’t afford a bed after my old one broke. It was not child abuse, just poverty. You have no idea why people do those things, especially if your partner has forgiven his mum. It’s not your job to create a rift when he feels nothing.
Get a goddamn grip.