Other side of the family bought my children way too much for Christmas

[spoon1996]

My partners parent and "step parent" (who I cannot stand and think he's a pedophile but there's nothing I can do with no proof, I've tried everything I possibly can!!) bought my 2 year old girl loads of presents without even asking if that was fine. I've gotten my daughter a good amount (she's only two ofc i would have gotten her a lot it's very exciting for me).

They spend 20 minutes every other week with her, she doesn't even call them by their names she sees them that little. They are travelling to Cuba On Christmas Day (despite having a 6&8 year old themselves) and they felt the need to get her a bike (which I showed them saying I was getting) and loads of other gifts.

Their own daughter is spoilt rotten and she's really hard to tolerate (hate saying that it's horrible but it's their own doing). They can't stand her for more than two minutes and moan and shout at her in front of me.

My partner their son/step son did not get this treatment. He got barely anything for Christmas and anything he wanted was bought from money of his own. He wasn't even bought a bed and slept on a mattress when they had the means to fix it

Why are they doing this? They cannot stand me because I have all the say and by far in my children favourite and they hate it. They love my own mother too and she's not well off, and I think this is the only way they think they win. They have seen how much they do love my mum and see her as second to me.

Do I say to them or just get rid of the gifts?

The stepdad disgusts me, why on earth is he buying my daughter so much when he doesn't his own children or his stepson. He's making his young children travel on Christmas Day why spoil mines?

They are just so thoughtless. I would rather a family member bought a toy that wasn't expensive or even nothing and just loved the girls very genuinely.

I'm so annoyed. I'm telling them
It will never happen again I'm not having a spoiled child.

Not to mention gave them to my 2 year old today and expected her not to want to open them. She cried for ages wanting them and I was like I'm putting these away it's driving her insane. So thoughtless!!

But it isn't like that

I do not like him at all. I knew from the first time I met him I didn't. He's controlling and a bully and puts his wife and children down in front of other people. Everyone else sees it too apart from the people he's manipulated.

I have all these reasons I've given to believe he's a pedophile. My own father was one and he is exactly the same as him.

And the mattress, they were not poor at all. My partners exact story include we weren't poor he just wouldn't buy me a mattress. So why be interested in buying my children gifts if you couldn't buy "your child" a mattress if you had every mean to.

I'm not creating drama or stuff up in me head to be rid of him. I chose a clean slate with him even though I saw all the bullying and then in the recent year how creepy and not right he is with my children.

saying he doesn't understand kids is 100% right if you understood children you would not act the way he does.

I don't like him and I'm stuck with him until he's dumb enough to be caught out.

I will never allow my children near him.

I think it's disgusting how he behaves with him, I trust my mum gut and the present thing is so weird cos his own kids didn't receive that or my partner.

He doesn't see himself as my partners dad so he is not a "granddad".

I think you might be projecting your worry's about your dad on this man who you don't like.

Him being grandad to your children is completely normal. My cousins mum met her partner when they were almost adults yet he is a very hands on grandad to their children.

Of course if he makes you uncomfortable then of course don't leave your children alone with him.

Back to presents.... many grandparents spoil their grandchildren and while I wouldn't be happy and would say something in time for next year I certainly wouldn't be over reacting like you are.

If you don't want your daughter to have all the presents now so she doesn't get spoiled fair enough. Keep them for another time/birthday or give them away.

No, just no. Cut him/them out and say why
Advice from nspcc if you are still not sure

This is a terrible drip feed tho. In op you said you didnt want dc spoiled with too many presents

I’m surprised that you have spoken to a health visitor with concerns that a family member is a paedophile and they have also agreed then nothing has been done. I would expect it to be referred to social services at least.

You sound bonkers!

Giving his grandkids (because they are his grandkids!) more than he once did his own children and his stepson is not a pointer to being a paedophile. It could be a way of compensating for the past. It could be that he's just changed and understands things a bit better now. It could be many many things. You've not said one single thing that would point to him being a paedophile at all,yet you call him a 'pedo' and tell other people you think he is

They are going on holiday for Christmas, bought your child a lot of presents and want to see her, I struggle to see what is so terrible about that? None of this makes anybody a paedophile, it sounds as though you’ve lost leave of your senses where this man is concerned. Your partner knows him, presumably better than you and is telling you that you’re being irrational. You’ve sought professional advice and nothing has been escalated. If you’re still worried then obviously keep your wits about you but from an outside perspective, none of this is ringing any alarm bells.

Nothing you've said would suggest he's a paedophile and that's a serious accusation to throw around. You need to catch a grip of yourself on that score at least.

On the presents front, I would accept and then donate to a charity shop if you don't want them. Refusing them is rude and unnecessarily dramatic.

I remember your previous thread. If you believe this man is a danger to your children then have nothing to do with him. From memory you don't trust your DP or his DM not to leave him alone with them so walk away from them all

@TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge - she doesn't sound bonkers. She sounds worried and scared. You have no idea whether she's right or not. Abusers are insidious - please don't dismiss her concerns so quickly and so rudely when you don't actually know them.

I think you might have some issues actually. You sound a bit deranged over nothing. Also, the man had been with your partner’s Mum for nearly 10 years. Maybe he does feel like they’re his grandkids. Also, if they want to take their children away on Xmas day, why shouldn’t they? What has it got to do with you? Seems like you’re the one with the problem tbh. YABU

I agree , calling someone a peado on those grounds is frankly dangerous. If he makes you uneasy for whatever reason don't leave your kids with him !

None of those things make someone a paedophile. You sound irrational.