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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Father Christmas can bring the kids whatever I want him to?

61 replies

BJacks86 · 24/12/2018 15:36

Aware this may of been posted and sorry if it has.

We have been doing elf on the shelf on the run up to Christmas over the period the elf has been slowly bringing the kids Christmas things - Pyjamas, Bedding, Christmas books and a Gingerbread making kit. I didn't think this was unreasonable and a great way to give them Christmas things before Christmas day.

After a conversation with my SIL she lectured me on what Father Christmas and the elf should bring my kids... so it's 'fair'. We aren't spending Christmas day with them so shouldn't I be allowed to give them scooters/tablets from Father Christmas if I want to, along with presents from the elf?

OP posts:
bsc · 24/12/2018 19:00

Hmm, I just give my children books... why does an elf need to be involved?
Unless you buy all completely new Christmas books every year? We have a large collection brought out every year for advent.

BitchQueen90 · 24/12/2018 19:23

Honestly I don't like the idea of Santa giving gifts.

I would never tell DS that gifts come from Santa. It doesn't "ruin the magic", he still believes in Santa but I just tell him that gifts come from family and Santa delivers them.

Your family your rules of course but I would not be comfortable with it myself.

Original poster
BJacks86 · 24/12/2018 19:57

I've always found the family have sent the gifts to Santa thing confusing, and I know my Mum didn't get it to (which is probably why I don't). I think it's fun to let the kids believe in all the Christmas things, I certainly know I loved it as a kid being convinced that reindeers were on the roof! :D

OP posts:
Mrsfs · 24/12/2018 20:02

We tell our daughter that Santa brings one present that can be made in his workshop and he fills her stocking. The rest of her gifts are from us, family and friends.

cardibach · 24/12/2018 20:10

We always did stocking and a new outfit from Santa, the rest from whoever they were really from but delivered by him. Never had to go into details about them being sent to Santa. Kids weren’t really interested 8n the mechanics of it!

BottleOfJameson · 24/12/2018 20:13

I thought once the kids were old enough to compare the etiquette was that big gifts were from parents and santa did stockings. (So kids with less rich parents don't feel they've been less good). If the kids are too young or aren'y going to see each other to compare it doesn't make much difference.

BottleOfJameson · 24/12/2018 20:15

I'd never heard of the idea that santa was the delivery man before. My eldest would definitely have none of that - why on earth would you send gifts all the way to santa to deliver back to the same house? Everyone has different traditions though and kids seem to accept it fairly easily that not everyone does christmas the same way.

bridgetreilly · 24/12/2018 20:20

It's really hard on kids who don't get much for Christmas to believe that it's because Santa thinks they weren't good enough. I also think it's very important for children to know that their own parents give them presents. So personally, yes, I do think you are being unreasonable. How does it spoil the 'magic' for your children if Santa brings them stockings, while everything else comes from mum and dad?

Pinkprincess1978 · 24/12/2018 20:28

We told our children that Santa sends a bill to the parents which explains why some children get more/less than them.

I can see it is difficult if your children are close especially if they spend time together at Christmas to have different traditions that Santa does. It's never been an issue in my family. I think most children don't compare notes and just expect what happens at their house is the same at others.

BitchQueen90 · 25/12/2018 08:57

My DS does believe in all the Christmas things. He just doesn't think that the gifts are from Santa. It doesn't have to be one or the other.

I don't think it's fair on children who get less. My DS gets a lot of things as his dad (my ex) earns a lot of money. He has a very different childhood to me as we were poor. At a young age I want him to know that he gets things because he is very lucky that he has parents who can get him things, not because he is more special than other children.

Crudd · 25/12/2018 09:00

I agree with SIL but ultimately you can do whatever you like.

gamerwidow · 25/12/2018 09:09

As a previous PP said I think it’s adults who care about this not kids. My DD 8 has literally just opened her presents and even now I doubt she remembers who bought her what. If anyone says ‘what did you get for Christmas’ she’ll list off one or two presents but she won’t say Santa got me x and mum got me y. Children don’t really care where the presents come from.

MardyArabella · 25/12/2018 09:51

Kids do care. I’ve had kids I work with cry over this kind of thing. Trust me, they notice.

Fairylea · 25/12/2018 10:02

Yes kids do absolutely care. Especially those who don’t get much at all. It might not matter now if the kids aren’t at school etc but it’s good to start small now rather than try to make it smaller as they get to school age etc.

I feel incredibly sad for children from poorer families at this time of year, the pressure is immense.

RandomMess · 25/12/2018 10:11

One friend explained to her DC that although Santa collates and delivers she had to send him the money to pay for them. Her DC knew they didn't have much spare money so they understood they wouldn't get lots from Mum or Santa.

Augusta2012 · 25/12/2018 10:15

I’m finding it really hard to follow your posts.

So is SIL asking you not to brag about your kids presents or be ostentatious with them because she can’t afford the same for her kids? She doesn’t want them to think Santa doesn’t like them as much as their cousins?

If so and you’re doing something which will upset her kids deliberately, then YABU. And if it actually got to the point where SIL has had to ask that your kids don’t show off their toys, there must be a massive backstory.

trancepants · 25/12/2018 10:24

It's really hard on kids who don't get much for Christmas to believe that it's because Santa thinks they weren't good enough

As a formerly poor kid I think that's just attributing adult thinking to how a child processes things. There was a year where I got the equivalent of a couple of poundshop toys for Christmas when my best friend got a Nintendo. And I never thought any such thing. Kids just don't think that way, magic is magic.

Purplecatshopaholic · 25/12/2018 10:28

Do what YOU want and what is best for YOUR kids!

colditz · 25/12/2018 10:29

Yes they do, Trancepants, I remember clearly wondering why the naughtiest kid in school got a BMX for Christmas

trancepants · 25/12/2018 10:33

Yes they do, Trancepants, I remember clearly wondering why the naughtiest kid in school got a BMX for Christmas

Then the problem there is the horrible practice of maintaining Santa rewards behaviour. If he's just a magic guy who brings things you like because he loves kids then there is no issue. Parents just need to convince kids that they really, really, really want and covet the thing that they can afford. Then they are over the moon with a meh baking set and cheap a pair of ping pong paddles to share with siblings, even when their best friend gets a Nintendo.

Idontmeanto · 25/12/2018 10:36

I can remember knowing I got less than other children and minding. Also SIL A and I have refused to do big family Christmases with BIL B’s family because of the noticeable, uncomfortable inequality. (We also bitch smugly to ourselves that our children got better exam results and were not spoilt little horrors)
Yes, your house, your rules, but do stop and consider if they are damaging family relations if they matter to you.

CloserIAm2Fine · 25/12/2018 10:41

Personally I think Santa should bring stockings and everything else is from whoever it’s actually from.

But I wouldn’t be so rude as to offer my unsolicited opinion on how you do things if you were my SIL.

topcat2014 · 25/12/2018 12:04

I am not giving credit for any of the bigger stuff to the fat man in the suit!

cariadcat · 25/12/2018 12:15

Father Christmas gets sticker books/pens, puzzles, little toys, something to fill the stocking & sack basically. Dvd and a book.

Any big toys, sets, electronics, shoes etc are from us.

MrsFrankDrebin · 25/12/2018 12:22

Ok, my children are now in their early 20s, but we've been discussing this idea of 'presents from Father Christmas' (not 'Santa' in this house!) with special/different paper, and presents from the 'Elf on the shelf'.

Neither of which we did, and they kept their belief in Santa for many years as children! We did do a mince pie, and carrot and glitter footprints on the floor to show that Father Christmas had been, but that's it.

I guess some of it is determined by what your own parents did - mine never did 'presents in special wrapping from Father Christmas', and nor did my in-laws. My children aren't scarred because we didn't do separate wrapping/presents from Father Christmas, and nor did they drop their 'belief' in Father Christmas any earlier than any of their friends! (One DC is doing a degree in Psychology, and they've been discussing this!).

Whatever you do for you children is enough. Your family traditions are enough. Your children will remember what you did. It's not all about presents!

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