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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask about religion (JW)

102 replies

Imustbemad00 · 23/12/2018 21:45

I know it’s never good to discuss religion and I’m respectful of all people’s religions and choices but I’ve read a few things about Jehovas witnesses lately, from Witnesses themselves, that have surprised me.

I’ve read a few things on here where people have said they were bought up as JW’s but are no longer practising as adults and feel they missed out as children. This really interests me as I’ve never heard this before with other religions.

I’ve known Witnesses, who have grown up and also raised their children as witnesses and are very happy with their choices. But that isn’t the impression I’ve gotten on here.

Is there really that many people that feel that way, and why?

Generally people stick with what they know and how they were raised and that is how religion works.

I’m not religious at all so genuinely interested.

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 23/12/2018 21:48

No birthdays, no Christmas.

Being pulled out of any religious education/activities/assemblies at school.

I'm sure there's more...

Soubriquet · 23/12/2018 21:48

I think with JW’s they do feel like they have missed out

No Christmas, no birthdays or anything like that

Add on the fact they can’t accept blood donations or other life saving treatments, I can understand why most kids grow up to change religion

hidinginthenightgarden · 23/12/2018 21:51

The few people I have known to be raised as JW have all denounced it once they hit late teens/early adulthood.

thenaughtyone · 23/12/2018 21:52

My husband was offered a trial with Nottingham Forest. His parents wouldn't allow it and actually stopped him playing football at all after that. He's in his 40s now and still cries because he feels a failure because he wasn't allowed to go to university. How can you do that to your children?

Original poster

Imustbemad00 · 23/12/2018 21:53

But that’s not my experience of several families I’ve met in real life. I only know families with older children but they all seem happy with their beliefs.

It wasn’t until I saw some threads on here in recent months that I realised people felt this way. If parents felt that way as children, why then raise their kids the same way? It just seems very unusual for a religion for people to have regrets about believing.

OP posts:

Ineedtonamechangenow · 23/12/2018 21:54

DH is now in his early thirties is only just going to university. His upbringing stilted him

Justajot · 23/12/2018 21:56

Generally people stick with what they know and how they were raised and that is how religion works.

I don't think this is really the case in the recent past. If you look at the increase in the number of people of no religion, there must be a lot of people leaving the religion they were brought up in.

www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/world/2017/sep/04/half-uk-population-has-no-religion-british-social-attitudes-survey

Nix32 · 23/12/2018 21:58

For my oh, the result was social isolation and being treated as a leper. Massive consequences that therapy has only just untangled, and he's in his 50s. It undoubtedly damaged him and shaped his life in a very negative way.

bellajay · 23/12/2018 21:58

I think a lot of it is generational. Society has become more individualistic and children have become more independent from their parents.

ID81241 · 23/12/2018 22:00

If parents felt that way as children, why then raise their kids the same way? It just seems very unusual for a religion for people to have regrets about believing.

Because many parents probably converted to the religion themselves as adults so did not experience childhood the same way...but then children raise their children in the religion. My parents converted when they were adults so their childhood was very different to ours (freer)...while I still identify with the religion I'm not as strict or raising my child in the same strict way.

AnnieOH1 · 23/12/2018 22:04

They're conditioned to believe they're unique. They will say to potential converts "JWs are the happiest people" or "have you ever met an unhappy JW?" - if they don't present that way they're letting the organisation down. They believe they're going to be saved where everyone else will be destroyed, they're taught that should make them happy. If they're not happy then they're doing something wrong type of thing. They wouldn't admit to a non-JW any unhappiness, and in some cases admitting it to their elders would result in discipline. The show must always go on with them. Xx

NoShelfElf · 23/12/2018 22:05

My experience of JWs is entirely negative. Failure to deal with sex abuse of children (court of law is irrelevant - they want adult JWs to corroborate account), also the total cold shouldering of JWs who either cease practising or fall short of their moral ideals. Totally traumatising to the JW children whose mom left their abusive JW husband and subsequently lost every relative and friend they had ever known too.
Don't start me on vaccinations and blood donation. They rewrote their own history.
I'm all for freedom to have beliefs. I'm less for treating people badly because of theirs. Before I'm flamed, I treat JWs as equal earth dwellers. Everyone is entitled to a little love and compassion

Whatjusthappenedthere · 23/12/2018 22:07

All my cousins who were brought up by my Aunt as JW’s are no longer JWs. She died having lost almost all contact with all her children. None of them attended her funeral. As far as I’m aware she was a good parent. Kind , loving not abusive ( I would be amazed to find out it wasn’t so) so it probably came down to the religious side of their up bringing.

MoorMummy · 23/12/2018 22:07

I watched a film ‘Apostasy’ written by an ex Jw , at the cinema a couple of months ago. It was a dramatisation obviously, but I was shocked at some of the beliefs that JW have. Obvs I knew about the blood transfusion thing. It was a very hard watch (though an excellent film).

Hohofortherobbers · 23/12/2018 22:10

Why wouldn't JWs go to uni or try for a football club? Sorry to be so ignorant.

LagerthaTheShieldMaiden · 23/12/2018 22:12

I was brought up as a JW. The no birthdays and Christmas thing didn't bother me, because we didn't know any different and we had days where we would have parties and celebrations when others weren't so we didn't really feel like we missed out.

The lasting memory for me is the teaching about the end of the world. The glee that the elders would display when talking, to children, about the bodies of non believers being picked apart by crows. The fact that we were told not to worry about school and college because the world would end soon so it didn't matter. I've been out of it for many years and I still have 'armageddon fear'. Even though I firmly believe there isn't a god. It messes with my head HUGELY.

Craft1905 · 23/12/2018 22:12

Really??? I think many people brought up in any very religious households feel they missed out as kids. I know several people raised in religious catholic families who feel they would have done better being raised by wolves!

Belindabauer · 23/12/2018 22:13

I had an ex who's parents converted to JW. His teacher was told never to hand him birthday party invited or Christmas cards. He and his sister used to lie about which gifts they had received. He never got Christmas or birthday presents. He did raise his own dc as JW but left the religion upon his divorce.
His own dd had a child and went mental with the amount of presents she gave her dd, totally ott. I could never understand why he raised his own dc as Jw after berating it so much.

AnnieOH1 · 23/12/2018 22:14

@hohofortherobbers - they're discouraged from university for various reasons down the years. The principle reason seems to be it is a waste of time that would be better spent trying to spread the "truth". There have been concerns about the evils of campus life expressed in both the Watchtower and Awake magazines, and in times past they've been taught the world is about to end (like 1975) where folks gave up jobs, sold homes and certainly did not further their education because they expected to not need it.

LagerthaTheShieldMaiden · 23/12/2018 22:15

The football thing would probably be because they would class it as worshipping a false idol. You aren't allowed to support a sports team, its "worship", and apparently Jeebus is so sensitive that he gets upset if you go to Kingdom Hall *and" support Man Utd.

stopdropandroll · 23/12/2018 22:16

i’ve been wondering recently about the JW who stand in twos outside tube stations with a rack of leaflets. i’ve never seen them hand any out or approach anyone, why do they do it?

Matilda15 · 23/12/2018 22:16

The thing I’ve always found frustrating with JWs is the insular attitude and refusal to learn about others beliefs.

There’s a couple of JW families in DS school and the kids are allowed to miss RE lessons and finish school 2 weeks early to miss all the Christmas stuff. Recently my DS had a birthday and the class weren’t allowed to sing happy birthday because of the JW kids.

One of my close friends at school was also JW and I remember similar.

We also had them knocking on doors on Christmas Day here last year!!

Belindabauer · 23/12/2018 22:16

My ex 's father was also a violent, adulterer but adhered to other aspects of JW.

Sparklesocks · 23/12/2018 22:16

I think religion can be complicated, especially if you’ve grown up with it and it’s all you’ve known - even people who renounce their faith as adults can struggle with their decision as the beliefs are so deeply ingrained. Also if you leave a religion you might be disowned by your family/everyone you know. JW renounces a lot of things and even blood transfusions are against their beliefs, even if it could save a life. I can understand why people would be feeling mixed emotions upon leaving.

Matilda15 · 23/12/2018 22:17

I should add I don’t really care what people believe as long as they respect others beliefs or right to not believe anything at all.

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