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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU and over sensitive or is this just a bit off?

33 replies

Hurryupandcome · 23/12/2018 19:39

Helped my boyfriend of 6 months move flat today. He's lived there for the past 4 years and he mentioned afterwards he felt quite sad about leaving and then said he was thinking of creating a Facebook post thanking his current and past flatmates for the great times he's had there and then proceeds to list them....and within the names he mentions a girl who he slept with on and off for 3 years. They were never in a relationship but enjoyed great sex. When i said 'oh but she was never your flatmate' he said yeh but we spent a lot of time in my room. I said that I thought that was a bit weird to thank her amongst them and he said yeh you're right.

AIBU to feel quite wtf about this or should I just get over it?

OP posts:
AllKinds · 23/12/2018 19:40
Shock
Original poster
Hurryupandcome · 23/12/2018 20:09

Anyone?

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 23/12/2018 20:12

I can partly understand him, tbh.

I had a few fuckbuddies who have given me great memories.

It's a bit early in your relationship to be dictating his behaviour.

He's thanking people for the memories, she's a part of that. He's ending an era.

Original poster
Hurryupandcome · 23/12/2018 20:18

I haven't dictated anything to him. I said I thought it was a bit weird and insensitive

OP posts:
masterandmargarita · 23/12/2018 20:19

It's twatty and immature

namechange5628 · 23/12/2018 20:19

Definitely a bit weird. I'd be hurt/annoyed by it but he technically hasn't done anything awful.

paintinmyhairAgain · 23/12/2018 20:20

but this did happen before you met didn't it ? it would be unusual if he didn't have a past.

littleleeleanne · 23/12/2018 20:21

My opinion is that I understand where he is coming from but maybe a silent thought to himself would have been a bit more sensitive and practical to his current girlfriends feelings.

Original poster
Hurryupandcome · 23/12/2018 20:22

No he hasn't done anything awful. I do think it's a bit immature and weird though. He's definitely entitled to a last but seems very odd to do especially when you're in a new relationship.

If I was her, I would think it was a sign it was back on again. Apparently they would go a few months without being in touch and then start it up again.

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Slothslothsloth · 23/12/2018 20:23

Just the Facebook message thanking people alone sounds cringe. Is he about 20 years old? If older, double cringe. Just text people to say thanks, for goodness sake.

And YADNBU about the girl. Weird and like he wants to get her attention.

Original poster
Hurryupandcome · 23/12/2018 20:34

He's 31! I honestly do wonder about some men sometimes. And they don't know why they end up out of relationships...a little bit of thought, tact and senstivity and just general appropriateness if you want to be in a grown up relationship. I'm not sure thanking a girl you had amazing sex with all the time in your room is on.

I told him just now it was insensitive and he said 'well she was also my friend too. Wasn't just about sex. And anyway I didn't do it'

OP posts:
TooMinty · 23/12/2018 20:47

I thought the Facebook post was weird before I even got to the bit about his ex!

paintinmyhairAgain · 23/12/2018 20:51

hutty wasn't just about sex, and anyway i didn't do it do what exactly ? put th fb post up ? it sounds rather immature though

Mummadeeze · 23/12/2018 20:52

I actually think this is fine because although they had casual sex it sounds like she was part of a friendship group he had for a long time. I think that because he was including her in a group post about great memories (not an individual message) it was more about a period of time that they were all really close and had loads of fun. I can see why you don’t really like it but I don’t think he was being out of order personally.

Ullupullu · 23/12/2018 20:55

I don't think he sees your relationship as seriously as you do.

Doghorsechicken · 23/12/2018 20:56

It would bother me. Why doesn’t he do a status thanking all his past conquests for having good memories with them? Seriously odd and I can imagine you’re a bit hurt by it. Can’t he edit it to get rid of that part?

MrsStrowman · 23/12/2018 20:56

It sounds a bit cringey but I'm not a social media fan. I funny think he's thanking her for sex thigh, I'm assuming she was part of the 'gang' who all hung out together, had laughs, shared nights out, in jokes etc. Not really any different to a nostalgic 'thanks for the memories' post uni house share type thing. It might even stand out and make more of a big deal to those who were part of that group if he included everyone but her.

Ellegeebee · 23/12/2018 20:59

He’s a twat.

jessstan2 · 23/12/2018 20:59

Well he agreed with you, said you were right.
Don't let it worry you, it's past, he has you.

WilburforceRaven · 23/12/2018 21:02

He sounds like he's 21 still at uni.

CottonTailRabbit · 23/12/2018 21:04

Whole thing's a bit weird.

Original poster
Hurryupandcome · 23/12/2018 21:04

Oh dear. No she definitely wasn't part of his gang of housemates. She was a work colleague and they hung out a lot in his house but his flatmates actually were quite a disparate group - not connected to his general friendship group iyswim.

I think what annoys me is he has pushed for this relationship to be more serious than me, always saying he loves me and he's mad about me. I haven't said it back. We're the same age but I think he's a bit more immature than me. I also don't do the whole let's put up ten thousand photos of us drinking prosecco and having a kiss on Facebook which at the beginning he was a bit down about.

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happinessischocolate · 23/12/2018 21:17

He's a twat.

Presumably she's moved on too and is probably a bit weirded out by him tagging her in the post.

Can you imagine logging into fb and finding your old fuck buddy thanking you for the time you spent in his old bedroom 🙄😂

BlingLoving · 23/12/2018 21:19

I think you're being over sensitive and I'm a bit surprised at all these people who see this as a huge issue. She was clearly part of a broader group and he's musing about a facebook post (which I also don't think is that weird - I don't do this kind of thing personally but I see lots of people tagging me and/or others in memories/posts for whatever reason - it's kind of how facebook works). And then when you pointed out that didn't seem appropriate, he agreed easily and didn't do it.

Personally, I'd see that as a fairly healthy interaction. He made a slightly thoughtless comment and instead of doubling down and getting defensive and shirty, he just agreed and moved on.

AutumnLeaves12 · 23/12/2018 21:19

It sounds as though he is maybe quite casual about relationships and it might be worth asking if he is as serious about you as you are about him.

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