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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel like my house has been invaded :(

49 replies

gruffalomom · 23/12/2018 18:36

I have MIL,BIL and SIL here already for Xmas , my parents arrive tomoŕrow and some friends too.

DH family is not English and so they have a traditional Christmas on Xmas eve.

We have a nice home just big enough to squish everyone in and we try to keep both our traditions alive for dc.

I'm just feeling totally swamped right now.

I spent ages getting the house prepared, and I am generally quite house proud and I take care of the nice things we have worked for but I feel like our house has become a commune.

It's like this every time for various celebrations in the year as our house is the best size to accommodate. They all come with their own foods they want to prepare and things they want to do and bang around in my kitchen doing as they please.

I end up with grease splattered all over my stainless range, fingerprints and chips in my gloss cupboards, doors get slammed, my bathroom is banged around in and treated with no care.

Aibu that this drives me crazy?? I try and smile through it but inevitably In my effort to be hospital all the irritations come out at DH which seems unfair.

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 23/12/2018 18:37

It’s a tiny timeConfused. Just chill . They’re your family.

MatildaTheCat · 23/12/2018 18:41

I hear you. I have to bite my lip about the constant clearing up and people everywhere but I wouldn’t keep quiet about damage to expensive kitchens etc. Just say calmly that they need to be careful please. Deep breath and have regular breaks to yourself.

And drink help a lot. Wink

Grace212 · 23/12/2018 18:43

oh that would drive me nuts

also it's unfair that you always get stuck with the entertaining due to the size of the house...well it would matter less if they were more respectful of it.

I can see why you're annoyed!

RippleEffects · 23/12/2018 18:44

Do you live near any shops or have a dog?

I walk the dog, go out for a paper, mooch around the supermarket for a bit. 2 half hour sessions in my own head a day returns my sanity.

Original poster
gruffalomom · 23/12/2018 18:45

I know it's not long but it is soooo painful! They are nice people, and probably a bit precious about our home but it just drives me nuts!

Matilda good advice, I'm opening the wine now!!

OP posts:
Original poster
gruffalomom · 23/12/2018 18:47

Ripple no dog but I have found a lot of things I've forgotten at the shop! I'm predictint it taking me a while to get the kids to bed too 😂

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 23/12/2018 18:48

I would really hate that! If they cook, they should clean up after themselves. It's not fair to leave things in a state like that.

Nanalisa60 · 23/12/2018 18:55

Just drink wine smile get through it!! Family are so important and can’t be replaced!! A house can get a good deep clean when they have all gone!! Have a lovely Christmas and just try as hard as it is to forget about the state of the house!!

PaperChains100 · 23/12/2018 19:03

I mean this nicely, as your feelings are not unreasonable, but you are allowing them to take over, and that is unreasonable. Change perspective. Enjoy the people you love. They matter more- a million times more-than your gloss cupboards and one day they will be gone. Be pleased that you are lucky enough to have a lovely home to share with them, or you will let the good times pass you by without even realising.

JosephineHass · 23/12/2018 19:06

I know what you mean, but put it this way- house full of family in a messy home is better, then empty spotless house.
Get some wine and enjoy them, Christmas will be over soon.😉

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 23/12/2018 19:07

Can DH not tidy up after his family or get them to tidy up after themselves?

WhatwouldCJdo · 23/12/2018 19:07

Take up jogging whilst they are here and disappear for a run.
They will go away and your DC will.have family memories of Christmas.

Grit your teeth and wipe down those gloss cupboards with a smile on your face.

Notmorewashing · 23/12/2018 19:07

Some people are grieving or alone I really don’t see the issue.

CatnissEverdene · 23/12/2018 19:09

If people are causing damage OP, that's not on. And I'd ban them from the kitchen if they can't treat it with respect, family or not. I'd be mortified if I chipped someone's cupboards.

Isn't it someone else's turn to host?!

formerbabe · 23/12/2018 19:12

It sounds like my worst nightmare. I hate people staying over...love my peace and quiet and my house staying the way I left it.

blaaake · 23/12/2018 19:16

Sounds like my worst nightmare, tbh. My brother, parents and grandparents come to ours for Christmas Day but they all live locally so fuck off home at the end of the night. I hate having guests Grin

Original poster
gruffalomom · 23/12/2018 19:19

Glad I'm not the only one that finds it tough :) I know we are creating memories and it won't be for long - Feels it though at times!!

Got a glass of wine in hand now and hiding in ds's room pretending he hasn't already fallen asleepWink

DH is cleaning up.. finally!

OP posts:
rosablue · 23/12/2018 19:20

I would get your dh to read the riot act - nicely! - to his side of the family as it sounds like they are the ones that are causing the problems at the moment with the kitchen - one thing to be a bit messy and sloppy at cleaning up after themselves, either he needs to step up to do it or get them to do it properly, but it is completely inappropriate and unkiind of them to treat it so carelessly that they are causing damage to the fabric of your kitchen like chipping cupboards - he really needs to stomp down on that straight away.

And it's his family, he needs to do that. Even if he doesn't care that much - he needs to think about the long term consequences such as having to buy a kitchen earlier than you would have done otherwise or gettinga lower offer on your house as the new buyers use the chips to bargain down the price as it will need a new kitchen and so on - and then do it.

I can also imagine it's annoying if you cleaned it all for their arrival to look nice - they have messed it up and now doesn't look so nice ready for the arrival of your family and friends...

But once dh has had his blast (tell him you will blast them if he doesn't - and then once told, they can carry on happily, just carefully and cleanly!) and enjoy your christmas...

Grace212 · 23/12/2018 19:26

@Notmorewashing "Some people are grieving or alone I really don’t see the issue"

hmm. I'm grieving and I can still see the issue!!

Nanny0gg · 23/12/2018 19:30

Mess is one thing; damage another.

You should say something if there's damage.

Everydayisdragging · 23/12/2018 19:34

I'd say grit your teeth through it all but damage or chips etc no way that's so disrespectful! Its your home op and you're gracious enough to have them you should pull them up on that, or get your dh to if it's his family, unless he's going to replace the cupboards?

Maelstrop · 23/12/2018 19:37

Why does someone always have to mention the grief/wish my parents were still here thing? The OP'S issue is how pissed off she is about nobody taking care of the house and she's allowed to moan without being made to feel guilty that others have lost someone.

I'd be royally pissed off if people were damaging my cupboards etc. That's extremely inconsiderate.

formerbabe · 23/12/2018 19:44

Why does someone always have to mention the grief/wish my parents were still here thing?

My parents are dead...I still hate guests.

If I was grieving I think an invasion of visitors would be unbearable.

Maelstrop · 23/12/2018 19:46

Yes, but the OP has come on here with an AIBU and she doesn't need t Io be (implicitly) told to be grateful that multiple guests are pissing her off.

PollyFlinderz · 23/12/2018 19:49

Op, I have a family who are from very different parts of the world and the special occasions we spend together are something else entirely but I wouldn't change it for the world. If I were you I'd just go with the flow and let it all happen because it can be really good fun and and you might just find you enjoy it all.

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