To feel like my house has been invaded :(

[gruffalomom]

I have MIL,BIL and SIL here already for Xmas , my parents arrive tomoŕrow and some friends too.

DH family is not English and so they have a traditional Christmas on Xmas eve.

We have a nice home just big enough to squish everyone in and we try to keep both our traditions alive for dc.

I'm just feeling totally swamped right now.

I spent ages getting the house prepared, and I am generally quite house proud and I take care of the nice things we have worked for but I feel like our house has become a commune.

It's like this every time for various celebrations in the year as our house is the best size to accommodate. They all come with their own foods they want to prepare and things they want to do and bang around in my kitchen doing as they please.

I end up with grease splattered all over my stainless range, fingerprints and chips in my gloss cupboards, doors get slammed, my bathroom is banged around in and treated with no care.

Aibu that this drives me crazy?? I try and smile through it but inevitably In my effort to be hospital all the irritations come out at DH which seems unfair.

OP, I used to let extended family use my house for their AGM's with me being the Exec Chef, Director of Rooms, F&B Director and Purchasing Manager. Now I don't. You need to break this routine. Let family know that you are happy to sleep on the floor, squish round tables etc. if there is a space issue. They need to have turns at hosting, it shouldn't be left to you all the time because it builds resentment.

I still host but I take a turn. Its difficult because no one else takes a turn and decides to not bother if we are not hosting. In my head I do my turn and that is their problem if they don't. I've done my bit and I don't feel guilty about it. I am not the only 40 something woman in the family with an oven and a dining table.

I sympathise, op. My house is currently infested with company and my usually pristine home has a constant tornado running through it. I am currently hiding out in my en suite loo so I don't lose my mind.

fingerprints and chips in my gloss cupboards

Do they actually chip your paintwork?

I’m with you OP. I find it curious that people say just ‘enjoy the people you love’, ‘you’ll be sorry when they’re gone’ etc. but in many cases Christmas guests are people who expect to be hosted due to tradition/taking turns rather than those you’d actively choose to spend extended amounts of time with and huge amounts of money on feeding and entertaining

I think my mother feels like you do when we visit so we don't. It's been three years. I tell myself that I will be different when I have adult DC returning but op I feel very sure that I will be just like you (and my mum). Sympathy and patience to you. Wine is the only solution I can think of.

I understand the stress of hosting your partner's family but I think you need to try to reframe it in your mind somehow. E.g. instead of thinking they're not showing me respect think they're not intentionally causing damage, they can't help being a bit clumsy, at least I don't have to do all the cooking etc. Large glass of wine and visualise them all leaving on boxing day with everyone having had a brilliant family time together.

Feel for you OP.

Christmas can be very difficult for many people.

But I would say that no one is going to look for dust or fingerprints at this time. They just want to be FED and WATERED!

My philosophy is take me as you find me. House relatively clutter free but no big clear out or manic cleaning either. DH has done all this already anyway, bless him. I am recently bereaved too. Lost mum. So I couldn't give a shit at the moment.

I'd hate this, just like l hate the 'but it's faaaammmily' schtick. Why does all the 'be assertive, don't let anyone take the piss and walk all over you' advice vanish because 'it's Christmas'?!

Dirt I can deal with damage, not so much. I'd be reading Dh the riot act. My lovely kitchen getting damage would tip me over the edge. Theres no need for it.
Dh needs to sit all the extra cooks down and tell them, clean up after yourselves and do not be careless and damage my home. Or this will be the last year we will host.
I love a full house. I only wish I could presuade both my Ds's partners to stay over christmas, but I also understand their families want them too.
Theres always someone worse off/lonelier/sader than you. It doesn't make your stress any less.

Christmas is shit for so many people. And even those who say they enjoy it are lying. This is true.

You sound eminently ill-suited to this arrangement so what's the point exactly?

If you want your keep up these traditions this is going to happen I'm afraid,either stop doing it or find a happy way?

Get out,make your own plans, and have a cleaner booked to sort the house once they gather their belongings and leave!

If you don't like the family thing though, then don't do it. You can go to someone else,but it sounds like you are doing it for your own reasons, and you want it to happen.

You can only ask them to clear away after themselves.

I'm withyou op (though I am an invader )
it's too much family, condensed into too small a space and time.

I can't wait to leave already. until then I will grit my teeth, help with washing up and cleaning up after us, and make sure that the dc get enough exercise outside.
having to bunk up with siblings,dc and nieces/nephews (8 of us in a room) is only bearable with a lot of chocolate.

this is why gloss is such an unsubtantial and impractical finish on kitchen units misses point

I feel your pain OP. We have MIL staying, it's been 24 hours and she's already managed to be rude and cheeky more than once.

What are they doing to damage the kitchen?

No YANBU. We have relatives stay over at Christmas every year and I hate the way they treat our home (sleeping on the brand new sofa because the bed they have been given isn’t long enough, putting dark items of washing in with our light washes, placing hot cups on a new wooden table in our dining room). Then every time I cook a meal for them they dictate every last detail! You have my sympathies. Why don’t you go away for Christmas next year OP?

Sympathies, OP. May I recommend a 'migraine-in-inverted-commas' and retiring to your bedroom for a Crunchie bar under the duvet?

How do they sneak dark items into your wash?

..and I would cover table with heat protector and a Christmassy covering to avoid any damage.

I went to a party where there was tarpaulin on the carpet. That is how much damage the hosts were expecting

I feel for you. We host the in-laws every year due to the size of house (and dh wanting to do it show off ). I expect mess but not damage. Your dh needs to get on top of his folk if they damage the house.

The person who damages has to host next year.

I have no family and DS are alone. YANBU

Op, yanbu

You should expect more dirt and chaos, fine

But chipping cupboards?! What kind of house guests are they - what kind of people think damaging parts of the house is acceptable?! Your DH needs to step up and remind them of acceptable behaviour here surely?

Thanks everyone! To be fair the gloss cupboards are a pain. I'd never ever have them again knowing what we know now. They are easily damaged, means I get all the more anxious with their disregard!

This evening mil broke our shower riser (not pressing the button to adjust the height) :(

And to answer a pp yes I suppose it is more irritating to think that after all the effort it won't be as a nice a home for my family to.arribe into as for his - I hadn't really thought of that.

Next year I think we will do centre Parcs or equivalent.. it is nice to have everyone together but I prefer not to have the permanent reminders in my home!

What on earth are they doing in the kitchen that chips your cupboards? That seems quite extreme damage for someone just cooking a meal. If I were you I’d have to point out the damage to them!

Premier Inns were built for this kind of situation OP!!
I would be sending them a link!