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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH threw tea towel at me

75 replies

Wingingthis · 23/12/2018 18:05

Baby was kicking off in high chair and I DH was trying to wipe her face etc. I said “just get her out” (not in an aggressive way at all) and he threw the tea towel at me a shouted ‘i hate it when you tell me what to do!!!”
I know this obviously didn’t hurt me physically but AIBU that this is still not okay. Am I over reacting

OP posts:

katykins85 · 23/12/2018 18:53

Bloody hell, the overreaction on this post sounds like he waz stressed by the crying and trying to sort it when you waded in and criticised, so he became frustrated. Leave him to handle it next time, he is her parent too.

katykins85 · 23/12/2018 18:53

Was, not waz obvs. Bloody phone!

TheNavigator · 23/12/2018 19:04

What do you want out of this thread, OP? Do you want to be justified in falling out with your DH in the run up to Christmas? If so, many posters will provide that. Personally I wouldn't create an opera over it, would move along and enjoy my family, but it is up to you how you choose to spend the festive season.

Wotrewelookinat · 23/12/2018 19:05

I wouldn’t let this turn into a big deal. I once threw a courgette at my DH when we had a toddler and newborn twins and were absolutely knackered and on the edge. We still laugh about it now many years later, especially as I missed him!

PumpkinKitty82 · 23/12/2018 19:06

It was a tea towel ffs and he obviously felt like you never let him deal with a situation himself .
Give him a break

Thentherewascake · 23/12/2018 19:10

He should have thrown the towel somewhere else, but I can sympathise with a stressed parent trying to deal with a situation and the other one criticising him.

Do you always know better than him how to handle the child? Do you always give him direction and get annoyed or sarcastic when he doesn't take care of the baby YOUR way - his might be just as good?

averylongtimeago · 23/12/2018 19:12

I think the last few posters need to rtft

Christmasisforadults2 · 23/12/2018 19:17

Op wants it to be a big deal she she can blame him and not look at how she speaks to him.
One person needs to deal with the baby, over baring mothering is abuse too.
Next your be saying he doesn't interact with the lo and this is why.

CandyCreeper · 23/12/2018 19:20

I have read it, my opinion still stands.

katykins85 · 23/12/2018 19:23

Me too Candy

AllKinds · 23/12/2018 19:27

Agree with @katykins85, unless OP gives a massive drip feed.

FascinatingCarrot · 23/12/2018 19:34

Another one who thinks its an overreaction. Look at your behaviour honestly with open eyes OP

Are you struggling with the way/speed he does things? Do you nag a wee bit? My DIL would be the first to admit she has to chill out with my DS and their 7month old as she can get this done more quickly and snaps sometimes...wondering if thats possibly a factor here.
FWIW, My dh threw a towel he had protecting his van seats at me a few months ago and I was raging. I insisted he stopped the van and got out. He was gutted once he realised how humuliated I was.
Looking back I was being an absolute twat. Nagging on and on over zero. I probably would have done the same thing out of sheer sodding frustration. Also FWIW, he is a loving dh, and has never gave me a minutes fear. It was sheer reaction.
Talk to him.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 23/12/2018 19:38

Well he could have thrown it somewhere else but if he was throwing at her as in you wipe the baby then bit pointless throwing somewhere else. And yes I did read it was in her face but that doesn't mean he meant to hit her in the face it could have just been a bad throw given he was frustrated and distracted you do tend to just fling then without really looking

tubspreciousthings · 23/12/2018 19:42

Wow at some of these responses. YANBU OP

pfwow · 23/12/2018 19:43

YABU. He was being an arse, but you are massively overthinking this.

WisdomOfCrowds · 23/12/2018 19:43

I'm definitely team "nothing thrown in anger is ever ok". I don't care if it's "just" a tea towel. The first time it's always "just" something small. If they throw something big the first time then you leave them, starting small lets your boundaries get nice and eroded first.

Also this from a pp Just let it go. Unless you want to ruin christmas is seriously scary advice. Domestic violence very often starts or escalates at Christmas time and I imagine a lot of the victims get told to get over it and stop ruining Christmas. After all, it was just a small shove and it is Christmas. Please, to anybody reading this who is facing abuse, do not just let it go so as to not ruin Christmas!

BackforGood · 23/12/2018 19:49

None of us were there. Obviously OP is 'telling it' from her perspective. We'll all agree with 'throwing things at anyone' isn't right, but I should imagine there was a 'throwing down of the tea towel' / throwing it "in the direction of" the OP. That is very different.
From my perception of the situation, your dh was exasperated at your 'telling him what to do' (nagging him ?) when he was already dealing with the situation. I suspect many of us would sympathise with someone flinging a towel aside and walking out if they felt they were being criticised whilst doing something perfectly reasonable.
YABVU to make this into 'a thing'.

brizzledrizzle · 23/12/2018 19:54

YABU, so was he.

starcrossedseahorse · 23/12/2018 20:02

No OP. This is not ok and not normal and you should not be putting up with it.

youaremyrain · 23/12/2018 20:08

It's not ok. Would he think it's ok to do it to a work colleague? Or his mum or dad? Throwing things in anger are not ok, throwing things at someone's head/face is massively disrespectful.

It's humiliating and belittling.

If you've told him that you're upset by it, his response is really important
If he says "I'm so sorry, I was stressed" and then it could be fixable.

If he says "it was only a (fucking) tea towel" then you have a problem

youaremyrain · 23/12/2018 20:09

@WisdomOfCrowds well said

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 23/12/2018 20:18

Maybe it was metaphorical

YoungLennyGodber · 23/12/2018 20:23

You were both stressed. It’s not a big deal. Stop being precious and painting him as an abuser. Move on.

KarmaStar · 23/12/2018 20:30

For goodness sake!is that all you have to worry about?don't ruin Christmas by making something out of this that isn't there.
When dc are asleep sit down calmly and talk to your dh.

starcrossedseahorse · 23/12/2018 20:58

Yes let your husband throw things at you, shout and demean you. Not a problem at all is it Karma?

I hope that the OP sets the bar a little higher than you do.

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