Are we being miserable?

[Upoverunder]

Perhaps it's just the time of year but we seem to be getting an awful lot of visitors who are interrupting our peace.

One of our children have come to stay with us over Xmas and blow me, our Son, wife and their two children turned up yesterday unannounced to stay until Xmas Eve.

We also have visitors from overseas staying locally who are calling in at least once a day for coffee, lunch or dinner and they're all driving me mad.

Now we're getting older we just want to be free to do our own visiting on on own terms. I've said to all the kids that this is the last year I'm doing Xmas Dinner. After that we're going to one of theirs in rotation each year. There will be no more periods of them staying over for days or weeks with me having to spend hundreds of pounds in food and drink.

Are we just being miserable old gits?

I’ve backed out of Christmas completely this year, so am arguably not in a position to comment, but, yes, I think you are being miserable old gits!
It’s lovely people want to visit you and it’s only for a little while.

No you are not, and even if you were YANBU.
Stick to your guns, and, as quoted in another thread, hand on the baton!

Yes, miserable old gits. You've got the rest of the year to have uninterrupted peace. Be grateful that you have friends and family who want to see you.

Just create a different precedent for next year....maybe book and do something different, out of your normal comfort zone to shake it up a bit?

That way people will then (subconsciouslyj realise that you arent “just around” all the time...

Reluctantly admitting that I have done just this....sitting as we speak naked, in a naturist zone, next to a pool, overlooking the sea in the warm......while my very longstanding regular Xmas guests just know now that I am “not around”. 😉

You should be grateful you have visitors, lots of people find this the loneliest time of year.

Yes you are being miserable

It feels a bit sad that you're begrudging seeing your children...

I think it's natural to start going to your children's houses for Christmas dinner - you've hosted for what, 20 odd years? We started hosting when we had more space and this year have my parents and my mil coming.

It is nice that people want to see you and spend time with you. What you maybe need to do is be more firm about what suits you. So when your out of town friends rock up just let them.know that you'll be away all day tomorrow but can meet for coffee on Thursday?

If you knew they were visiting (and staying), then that’s not a problem, as you can clean and cater for them as appropriate.

However, the son and family turning up unannounced was rude. They should have asked first. Catering for four people is quite a tall order, plus sorting out bedding etc.

My parents no longer want us to tayneith them as they get older. They simply can’t cope with all the preparation. So we stay in travel lodge locally and visit.

You are allowed to say No it’s not convenient if they ask, or with the overseas visitors, meet at a convenient place.

Local pub, cafe or country house, for example. You don’t always have to host.

You are being a great big fucking misery. Miserable gits.

I would be utterly delighted if my children still wanted to come for Christmas when they are older.

No you're not being misersble.You need a change.Maybe if you had a year or two off you would enjoy hosting again.I can identify .Hosting everyone again and partly my fault as we have more room and I like being in my own home.
However this year we have someone staying ,albeit family almost my entire 'holiday ' from work.It is expensive.
However I have delegated some of the food this time.And DCs are taking us out for a meal as a thank you. I keep reminding myself a)I'm lucky to have a lovely close family and b) one day I may be a lonely old lady in a very quiet house.
However I do fantasise about an alternative Xmas what DH and I can chill and do completely as we please.I think I will take a sabbatical from Xmas one year soon!

YANBU

unannounced visitors - just no.

Gosh I'm pretty sure my parents would be delighted if all their children turned up for Xmas, hasn't happened in twenty years. It all seems quite sad really.

Do you have room to put up a family of 4 with no notice? That is unspeakably rude!

You sound overloaded and no one is asking what you want. I don’t blame you for feeling exasperated. YANBU.

However it’s lovely your DC still all want to see you so much

It’s quite sad that you don’t want to see your children and grandchildren. You are being very miserable. Enjoy it and cherish the memories together.

Yes you are being miserable. Something I've realised over the past few years particularly at Christmas time is some people just don't seem to want to have joy in their life. Sound like you're one of those people.

Yanbu if you're still working and are under 70

If you're retired and sprightly then please continue to host

Unannounced visitors who expect to stay over is ridiculous.
I've got visitors who I knew in advance about (and am delighted are here), but it's taken a lot of expense and preparation and will take a lot of cleaning up, washing bedlinen and towels etc after they have gone. Visitors staying over does cause a lot of work, so I would expect to know in advance about them.

YANBU to be annoyed at unexpected visitors.

YABU to have invited yourself round to everyone else's house on a rotating basis without being invited. IMO anyway.

We also have visitors from overseas staying locally who are calling in at least once a day for coffee, lunch or dinner and they're all driving me mad.

^You sound horrible

I don't think you're being miserable entirely.

Uninvited, surprise guests who descend upon people like this can make life miserable for people on a tight budget. What if OPs are retired? and now they're finding themselves rather stuck spending unexpected £££ on food and drink for these surprise guests. And, yes, that includes family.

Or what if they'd earmarked their disposable money this month for treats and trips for themselves ... and now they can't.

I think it's rude for people to just show up like this...

Firmer boundaries, then you might enjoy it more. But go away next year!

I don't want visitors at any time of the year, and especially not around Christmas. Luckily everyone knows that 😅 I go to my daughter's at Christmas and even then I get up at the crack of dawn the next day and hightail it home 😅

MiserableGit