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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are we being miserable?

56 replies

Upoverunder · 23/12/2018 17:47

Perhaps it's just the time of year but we seem to be getting an awful lot of visitors who are interrupting our peace.

One of our children have come to stay with us over Xmas and blow me, our Son, wife and their two children turned up yesterday unannounced to stay until Xmas Eve.

We also have visitors from overseas staying locally who are calling in at least once a day for coffee, lunch or dinner and they're all driving me mad.

Now we're getting older we just want to be free to do our own visiting on on own terms. I've said to all the kids that this is the last year I'm doing Xmas Dinner. After that we're going to one of theirs in rotation each year. There will be no more periods of them staying over for days or weeks with me having to spend hundreds of pounds in food and drink.

Are we just being miserable old gits?

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 23/12/2018 18:32

You are being a great big fucking misery. Miserable gits

Wtf. 4 people say they're staying the night without asking and the OP is a miserable git? How?

Squatternutbosh123 · 23/12/2018 18:34

you sound horrible no she doesn't, maybe just fed up of feeding and watering everyone who pops in unannounced

Disfordarkchocolate · 23/12/2018 18:35

I would never just turn up and expect to stay, who does that!!! As for the overseas visitors, I wouldn't drop in expecting anything!! Perhaps you have been too inviting in the past? Plan for something simple next year but you can't invite yourself either.

brizzledrizzle · 23/12/2018 18:35

Yes, you are being miserable. Too many people are lonely over xmas because they have no family or friends to see.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 23/12/2018 18:37

I'm assuming that you are really lovely and a great host which is why everyone is desperate for some of your hospitality.

But yeah, DH are looking forward to the years when we will invite ourselves to whichever of our four promises to spoil us the most.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 23/12/2018 18:38

Too many people are lonely over xmas because they have no family or friends to see

What has that got to do with anything?

TonTonMacoute · 23/12/2018 18:42

I don't want to judge you too much OP, as I am pathologically antisocial, but this does look like the perfect thread to share this.

Happy Christmas to all MNers who are dreading the next week!

veggiepigsinpastryblankets · 23/12/2018 18:44

YANBU. We swap Christmases with my parents (helps that I'm an only child and DH doesn't see his family) and have done ever since we could afford to rent a place big enough to fit a dining table. Also there is no way we'd show up unannounced - if nothing else there's no guarantee they'd even be there!

Perhaps you need to break the habit by going away next year.

fuzzyduck1 · 23/12/2018 18:54

Definatley grumpy old gits.

MadGoose · 23/12/2018 18:55

Be grateful that you have friends and family who want to see you.

Kind of tempted to agree with this.

I'm going out tonight. On my own. Because I have no one to go out with and it's that or spending another night in on my own watching TV before doing exactly the same tomorrow night and the night after and the night after that etc once my children have gone to their rooms for the night.

MadGoose · 23/12/2018 18:56

TonTonMacoute

I've seen that a few times now. Very amusing!

Weathermonger · 23/12/2018 18:57

I guess it depends - are they visiting because they genuinely want to spend time with you ? Or is it just an opportunity to get free food, free booze and make little to no effort for any of it ?

Loopytiles · 23/12/2018 18:59

YANBU to be pissed off about adult DC with family turning up unexpectedly.

On the friends staying nearby YABU because you could have invited them over less if you didn’t wish to see as much of them and host.

How old are you and are you and DH; and are you in good health? Do you WoH?

“I've said to all the kids that this is the last year I'm doing Xmas Dinner. After that we're going to one of theirs in rotation each year.” You are of course free not to invite them, but you don’t get to decide whether you are invited to theirs, that’s up to them.

Santaisonthesherry · 23/12/2018 18:59

They have obviously all got their wires crossed that you are nice and worth visiting op!

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 23/12/2018 19:03

Yanbu at all, I can't believe some of the nasty responses here Shock.

Who on earth lands up with their family of four, unannounced just days before Christmas? That's so inconsiderate! It was entirely possible you'd have plans or wouldn't have enough food in or wouldn't have beds made up.

With the overseas visitors I suppose it's a bit different in that they're only about for a limited time but if they're turning up unannounced on a daily basis that's also pretty inconsiderate. I'd suggest next time you're showing them out you take control and suggest when you'll next meet up: "we're in and out a lot over the next few days but are you free for lunch whatever-day?".

I think some people fail to realise that not everyone finds hosting or having a full, chaotic house great fun. It can actually be quite stressful and tiring, even if you had planned it in advance. It's worse to just have people arriving without warning, jeez I think I'd turn off all the lights and hide under the duvet if I had to put up with this shit. You need to put the foot down in 2019 Op!

macmacaroon · 23/12/2018 19:21

Perhaps you're just not being assertive enough and haven't put any boundaries in in the past and now the resentment has built up. Sounds like a good plan to make your wishes clear for next year.

macmacaroon · 23/12/2018 19:28

It's also fairly unusual for visitors and family to pop in unannounced on the scale you describe so is this because you have had an open door policy in the past which now no longer suits you? It may be that what once worked for you no longer does and that's absolutely fine but that then needs to be communicated to the "visitors" in some way

greendale17 · 23/12/2018 19:57

OP has overseas visitors who are staying elsewhere in her vicinity and she begrudges them coming over for coffee. OP sounds like a lovely person doesn’t she????? Hmm

Maelstrop · 23/12/2018 20:05

I was cross when the neighbour called round earlier and I bloody love her! She only came to give the dogs their presents and saved us going to hers to take round her gifts from us. I'm a massive anti-social bitch.

Having a family of 4 turn up unexpectedly would piss me right off. I'd call that hugely inconsiderate. Why would they not organise that in advance and where are they all sleeping?!

Overseas visitors, tricky. We're they invited or just decided to visit at Christmas? A friend of mime from abroad still acts as though we were 20 and single, she has no idea how difficult it is to organise free time to see her when I work full time and have multiple animals to muck out/walk.

fleshmarketclose · 23/12/2018 20:22

I do feel for you OP I've just told my adult dc not to come Christmas morning until 9am and they consider that unreasonable but chances are they won't leave before 9pm and I struggle to be jolly for that long. Of course because they have finished work they are "popping in" tomorrow as well. I'm quietly counting down the hours until the 27th when they all have plans to be elsewhere and I can enjoy a bit of peace.
I love the dc dearly but I do need time to myself or I feel suffocated.

Grace212 · 23/12/2018 20:41

@fleshmarketclose

I think 9am is pretty early!

Travisandthemonkey · 23/12/2018 20:43

Who doesn’t talk to their child about Xmas plans well in advance?
What did you think they were doing
What did they think you were doing,

It sounds like a fucking odd setup

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 23/12/2018 20:46

My home will always be my children's home, so they will always be able to just turn up and stay.
Yanbu about everyone else though. Maybe you should go out, to beak the cycle of expectation that you will host lunch/dinner every day.

Returnofthesmileybar · 23/12/2018 20:53

So you want to do your own visiting on your own terms? i.e. you want to do on to others as they are doing on to you 😉

TokenGinger · 24/12/2018 09:44

God, I could turn up at my mum's, dad's or grandparent's anytime to stay over and they'd be absolutely delighted. I'd feel terrible if my surprise presence sparked such a negative response in my mum.

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