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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want DH to go out drinking on Christmas Eve

70 replies

user1471433387 · 23/12/2018 11:57

DH has said that on Christmas Eve people from his work will be going out for drinks when they finish. He wants me to come and pick him up. I’d rather him not because I’ll be 38+6 pregnant and I want him to be able to drive me to hospital if I go into labour. I don’t want him to be drunk. Also it would mean I would be on my own all day with DD 19 months, which is fine, but if he can come home and help out then I think he should.

OP posts:

swingofthings · 23/12/2018 12:40

One or two drinks and a taxi home is fine but not getting pissed and then having to fetch him
That. Seems the fairest compromise.

DarlingNikita · 23/12/2018 12:40

Christmas Eve is time for family.
Oh, I must have missed the bit where they made that the law.

Having said that, YANBU a) because who the fuck asks a heavily pregnant woman to pick them up instead of getting a taxi and b) he shouldn't go anyway seeing as you're likely to go into labour and will need him there sober.

Munchyseeds · 23/12/2018 12:42

No way would I have wanted to go in a taxi when I was in labour....doubt you would get one to take you anyway
So knock that idea on the head as he comes up with it

nomorespaghetti · 23/12/2018 12:43

No way! I had DC2 at 38+6!

Loraline · 23/12/2018 12:44

Taxis take women in labour all the time. That's how I got to hospital both times. Central London flat with no car. Women are hardly going to get the us/tube/walk are they? Honestly.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 23/12/2018 12:44

Loraline presumably not because your DP/H was steaming drunk because he prioritised having fun over being a decent man?

AuntMarch · 23/12/2018 12:45

I'm assuming they'd finish early and he wouldn't be missing bed time with his child on Christmas Eve? (You'd not be able to pick him up anyway if he was planning a later one). So he should be fine for Christmas day.

Still not ok for him to get bladdered and expect you to taxi him, but I'd be ok with 3-4 pints (or whatever his "but not pissed" limit is) and a taxi as long as HE came up with a good back up plan for getting DC cared for and you to hospital if necessary before a drop passed his lips.

viques · 23/12/2018 12:47

I think you should let him go....... Then text him at about half five saying your back is aching and you think are going into labour.

When he gets home smile sweetly, say oops false alarm, but toddler is ready for bath and bed so how lucky he is home to do it.

He is a father of two and should be stepping up his role, I assume the other drinkers are single, as all the other family people will have realised where their responsibilities lie.

RLOU30 · 23/12/2018 12:48

^ True. I didn’t think of this.

Agree to one or two and the home IMO

1tisILeClerc · 23/12/2018 12:50

He should go but not drink alcohol as the police will rightly be extra vigilant. He has responsibilities.
There is no law that says you have to drink to have a good time.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 23/12/2018 12:56

My DH did similar to this when I was 38w pg as well, except it wasn't Christmas Eve. He rolled in at 2am, pissed as anything and got a tirade from me about what he would have done if I'd gone into labour - his answer was "get his uncle to drive me to the hospital or call an ambulance". So I asked him if he expected his uncle to be with me throughout the birth as well then, did he?

Hadn't crossed his mind that he might be needed for anything other than car-driving duties til that point!

He didn't get drunk again until after DS1 was born.

GummyGoddess · 23/12/2018 12:59

Central London taxi drivers are working in an area where a large number of people don't have cars so that is to be expected. I do not live in London, I'm in the South East and I know a lot of taxi drivers as my uncle is one in Brighton and he has lots of friends who do it and they just won't take a labouring woman. Even if it's just for the fact that they will lose a days pay and have to also pay to get their car valeted.

FortheloveofJames · 23/12/2018 13:00

Regardless of it being Christmas, if you’re that close to your due date you absolutely are not being unreasonable. You could literally go into labour at any time, and you’ll need him there 100%- not drunk, tipsy or hungover.

When I was having DS we had a rule that 3 weeks before the due day DP was always to be fit to drive.

eggsandwich · 23/12/2018 13:02

Tell him we all said NO

WizardOfToss · 23/12/2018 13:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaintainTheMolehill · 23/12/2018 13:06

YANBU and it's annoying he can't figure this out for himself.

I remember my dad having to tell my dh that he shouldn't go on his works night out after my waters had gone and the hospital sent me home t to wait on contractions starting. I also remember sitting in the car while he got a hair cut for said night out straight after we left the hospital.

masterandmargarita · 23/12/2018 13:07

Well i know my kids for one, want to see their dad before they go to bed on Christmas eve and their dad wants to be there when they go to bed, so In that sense it is all about 'faaaaaamily' for us.

MadeForThis · 23/12/2018 13:20

One drink only.

Aside from the driving you would need support in labour. Not a drunken mess. Or even someone a bit tipsy and wobbly. It can be a scary time. Things can happen fast and not go to plan.

Christmas Eve drinks happen every year. He will have to skip this years. Just like you are.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 23/12/2018 13:23

All the males in my life (including my 19yo son) would say " One drink then back to your Missus MrUser "
I cannot see them encouraging him to go on a pub crawl (unless they are complete wankers)

WizardOfToss · 23/12/2018 13:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AllYeFaithful · 23/12/2018 13:44

To be clear - it’s the heavily pregnant angle here for me. Not the ‘you can’t go out because faaaaaaamily’ balls

I agree with this. It’s just bloody thoughtless to go out and get pissed when your wife is close to giving birth.

Queenofthestress · 23/12/2018 13:57

I had my youngest at that stage, she only took 3 hours!

Original poster

user1471433387 · 23/12/2018 14:10

Yes it would be an afternoon drinking session as he would want me to collect him before DD’s bedtime and it would only be 10 minutes in the car.

Anyway I said I didn’t mind him having a couple but that’s it as I expect him to drive me to hospital. He’s not happy! Thinks we can get a taxi. I don’t know if this is an option for our area but I told him I don’t want to be faffing about trying to get a taxi when I’m in labour. He also mentioned getting a lift from a friend or me driving myself!

But he thinks it is extremely unlikely I will go into labour. I was overdue and induced with my first. And if I did happen to go into labour then he could just stop drinking and sober up enough by the time we actually need to go to hospital.

He has definitely made me feel like the unreasonable one!

I said I didn’t want him drinking too much from 37 weeks. There have been 2 occasions where he has been over the limit but I’ve turned a blind eye. Now I’m close I don’t want to be stressing about this.

FWIW he is a great dad and does loads around the house.

OP posts:

IPromiseIWontBeNaughty · 23/12/2018 14:18

Usually I’m all ok for this sort of thing. But not when you could potentially go into labour! Also Christmas Eve - putting out mince pies for Father Christmas, carrots for reindeer - who wants to miss their child’s excitement for a works booze up?

Moussemoose · 23/12/2018 14:22

Drive yourself to hospital - in labour?

And he thinks you are unreasonable?

He's mad.

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