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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder if parents who cosleep with toddlers have very biddable children?

92 replies

abacucat · 23/12/2018 11:04

Many parents co sleep with babies, but I always wonder about parents who co sleep with toddlers and young kids. IME toddlers are fidgety, have a propensity to starfish, and basically be awkward buggers who would make the parents getting a good nights sleep, totally impossible. So do parents who co sleep with toddlers and slightly older just have lovely kids who sleep in a way that means their parents can also sleep well?

OP posts:

53rdWay · 23/12/2018 11:48

Yeah, I think if you can afford a bed that comfortably fits 2 adults and 3 children you’re fairly well off, but I don’t think most people who cosleep actually do have one. It would be my idea of heaven though.

WerewolfNumber1 · 23/12/2018 11:52

My youngest rolls away and sleeps in one position all night (except for when he wants a feed).

Eldest shuffles around, regularly ends up sleeping with his feet on my pillow, steals my blankets etc. I’ve got used to it.

Butteredghost · 23/12/2018 12:00

If it's a choice and not a necessity for financial/space reasons, I always imagine they have a king bed.

Jenala · 23/12/2018 12:10

DS1 is 3 and gets in at some point every night and sleeps very nicely on his side, only moving to cuddle up. DS2 is 18m and prefers a sideways starfish approach I still prefer it to constantly getting up and putting the small one back because at least I get some form of sleep.

Was planning on putting them back each time while I'm off over Christmas and can manage the shit sleep but they are of course now both very poorly so it's not really the time

EyUpOurKid · 23/12/2018 19:55

Imagine an agitated octopus, that shouts in its sleep, and snores, and pokes you in the face with sharp toenails, and wants to cup your boob, and believes it's the centre of the universe, and prises opens your eyelids at 4am and says "are you in? Mammeeee? Are you in?"

That's what it's like cosleeping with my (only just) two year old. The only time he's remotely biddable is if there is bribery involved.

sunshineandshowers21 · 23/12/2018 20:09

both my boys slept in my bed from around three months and were absolute nightmares as toddlers. one could only get to sleep by winding my hair round his fingers and then yanking at the roots and the other would fling his arms and legs all over the place! the eldest finally went in his own bed at around 9 and my youngest went into his own bed a couple of weeks ago aged 4 as he was being woken in the night by the new baby and was being grumpy in the mornings. saying all that i would never have changed co sleeping for the world and intend to do it with our little girl when she’s a little older.

Anonymumtum · 23/12/2018 20:12

Both of mine shared with me, didn’t notice a problem, they just slept!

Brainfogmcfogface · 23/12/2018 20:12

My 4yo snores like a 50yo chain smoker and is the worst fidget, I’m currently lying in bed she’s lying diagonally with her legs across my hips, but I’m so used to it now I have no issues sleeping normally (I’m 30wks pregnant and that’s much more of an issue)

blueshoes · 23/12/2018 20:13

Snoring, star fishing, kicking, fidgeting, it's awful. Just slightly less awful than putting them back to bed a million times and putting up with screaming for hours

This.

Co-sleeping is the only way my dcs would go to bed and stay in bed all night. I co-slept with them until they were past 5. I got some sleep, some snuggles and lovely memories.

I did not understand the meaning of unbroken sleep for me for years when the dcs were young. You get used to everything, except no sleep.

PippilottaLongstocking · 23/12/2018 20:13

Nah, I sleep with one feeding constantly and squirming, and the other pressed as close as possible with pointy bony elbows and knees jabbing into my back. But they sleep better like that.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 23/12/2018 20:16

So do you all go to bed at the same time as your toddlers then? Thank god my kids all liked their own space

53rdWay · 23/12/2018 20:18

So do you all go to bed at the same time as your toddlers then?

God no!

UghFletcher · 23/12/2018 20:18

Super king bed here but my 2 year old is an Olympic gymnast using me as a beam in his sleep 😑 he is in with me as it's preferable to the screaming and lack of sleep if I try and settle him back in his own bed.

Wasywasydoodah · 23/12/2018 20:24

I coslept a bit with my first 2, but they were both kickers as toddlers so got moved to their own beds as it was awful. DS2 is very still in general and lovely to cosleep with. He starts off in his own bed but end up in ours. I should think this arrangement will go on for longer as a result.

Dothehappydance · 23/12/2018 20:25

Snoring, star fishing, kicking, fidgeting, it's awful. Just slightly less awful than putting them back to bed a million times and putting up with screaming for hours!

Another one to agree with this. She was dreadful, really dreadful, at least we got some sleep. She would start off in her cot/bed, and in with us from first wake. She was about 3.5 when it stopped being every night and about a year later when it pretty much stopped. She is almost 7 now, but has still had a couple of nights in with us last week.

My eldest was a dream sleeper, the third all but broke me.

Tweakanddashi · 23/12/2018 20:25

I don't think that I cosleep as a choice. Ds2 is a terrible sleeper and our house is pretty cold so I'm not keen on getting out of my warm bed.
We start the night with me and DH in bed in our room and then at some point ds2 wakes up and I get in bed with him.

I'm going to buy him a weighted blanket in the new year on the advice of the sendco.

trilbydoll · 23/12/2018 20:26

Quite the opposite of biddable and I'm not prepared to do battle in the middle of the night. And now they're in singles we can play musical beds in comfort without me ending up curled up in a cot bed.

0lgaDaPolga · 23/12/2018 20:27

I do wonder this. I coslept with our son when he was a baby if he was ill, teething or particularly unsettled but I had to stop once he was crawling as he would just go everywhere, climbing on the bedside tables, up the headboard and just generally messing about!

mortifiedmama · 23/12/2018 20:30

No. DS grinds his teeth, wants my face as his pillow, often ends up diagonal, often kicking one of us. Always wants to snuggle sleep (read lie on me). But some nights that's better than the awake for hours and hours (2-5.30 last Tuesday) we often get if we don't put him in our bed!

Cherries101 · 23/12/2018 20:31

My Indian relatives all co-sleep with their kids until they’re fairly old (it’s considered okay until they’re 7 or 8) and nope. The kids aren’t any more or less well behaved because of it.

bobstersmum · 23/12/2018 20:31

Dd is 19 months and I end up cosleeping with her at some point in the night. She either snuggles right into me or faces the other way, she isn't too fidgety.

TheABC · 23/12/2018 20:38

We are inadvertent cosleepers. DD has her own room, but at 3am in the morning usually decides she is in need of a cuddle. She is not in the least bit biddable, but she has learned to creep into our bed without waking me(or I send her back to her room). I usually wake up in the morning with a snore in my ear or a hand on my boob. DH hides under the covers.

AnotherPidgey · 23/12/2018 20:44

I have a King size bed anyway (not much floor space left over, but so worth it!) DS2 (5) likes company and is still a frequent visitor to our bed, sometimes at the start of the night if he's struggling to sleep, sometimes partway through if he's woken. He's a fan of sleeping diagonally.

There was the night we woke to a bizzarre kerfuffle... DS had taken a wrong turn in his attempts to stealthily crawl through between us from the end of the bed... He'd accidentally climbed into the duvet cover and got stuck and panicked 🤣

What is odd, is when I'm vaguely aware DS has gatecrashed in the night, and wake up in the morning to find it's the other one lying next to me

Hanuman · 23/12/2018 20:45

I always find it weird when cosleeping is suggested as the answer to all sleep issues. My son just didn't really like it and neither did we!

MummySharkDoDo · 23/12/2018 20:46

I’ve slept with all mine until age 2/3 and they’ve been pretty ok.
Dd age 3 is mainly still in my bed as a cute hot water bottle. She sometimes squeals ‘cuddle’ and then we dose off again. I pretend she needs it but as my last it’s just as much me!
All mine moved on to big beds with little fuss

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