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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I offer to pay?

43 replies

SteamedBadger35 · 23/12/2018 09:41

My friend texted me a week or so ago saying she'd got some tickets off a friend for an event in my town, she was coming down with her kids and she had a spare ticket - would I like to join them? I said I could come for a bit but might not be able to stay for the whole thing as it ended late and would take me over an hour to get home. She was cool with that. All sounded very casual and quite last minute. No mention of money.

When we were there, she dropped into conversation that she'd bought the tickets off her friend (I assumed she'd been given them), so later on I looked at my ticket to check the price so I could pay her back - it was £80 - for one ticket! I never pay that much for a ticket to anything and to be honest I can't afford it. (I've never been to that kind of event before and had no idea it would be so much).

Should I offer to pay, knowing that I can't really afford it? Or not mention it?

OP posts:
Littleraindrop15 · 23/12/2018 09:45

Technically you didn't actually agree to going or making a plan so you are not liable.

However I would feel way too guilty not paying for the ticket. If you can't afford it could you pay in installments like £40 or something??

I would pay but its not a requirement so to speak

Bluntness100 · 23/12/2018 09:45

Yes you should offer.

Pippa12 · 23/12/2018 09:47

That's a tough one, she likely assumed you'd of known/looked how much they were before saying you'd join her. She probably dropped it in to conversation because you hadn't paid. Maybe explain the confusion and ask if you can pay over 2/3 months?

I can understand the mix up but i wouldn't leave het out of pocket, especially if you went.

2littleguineas · 23/12/2018 09:48

Mention explain you hadn't realised she paid for the ticket. Offer to pay but explain you haven't the money yet.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 23/12/2018 09:48

Not mention it. You were asked if you wanted the ticket, if people expect paying they should mention it in at the time of asking so you know whether you can financially commit

Pinkyyy · 23/12/2018 09:49

I'd ask how much she paid her friend for them first

Hisnamesblaine · 23/12/2018 09:50

She should have mentioned the cost up front.

Birdsgottafly · 23/12/2018 09:50

As said, I'd explain that I didn't know she'd bought them and offer to pay her back, however you can.

Reaa · 23/12/2018 09:51

Be honest, say you did not realise she had bought the tickets and has wrongly assumed she had been gifted them, she you can't afford full amount but can offer half towards the cost.

Lesson learned for next time, to check if any money will be required before hand.

PattiStanger · 23/12/2018 09:51

Tricky one, she should have made it clear upfront, unless you have a very wealthy circle of friends expecting someone to pay £80 for something they weren't bothered about going to in the first place is CFery. Would you have gone if you'd known the price beforehand?

Lifeofsmiley · 23/12/2018 09:53

She should have mentioned the cost upfront, and since she hasn’t asked for the money so I wouldn’t offer.

TeddybearBaby · 23/12/2018 09:55

She should have mentioned the cost so you could make an informed decision. I’d have assumed the same as you. I’d offer now cos I wouldn’t want to be seen as a piss taker but tbh I’d judge her if she said yes and it would put me off her. BUT I’m very generous.

BlueJag · 23/12/2018 09:57

The ticket was going to be lost and money wasn't mention at the time.
I think your friend was chancing it. Is it something you would have paid to go?
Tough one specially if your friend wants £80 pounds.
Next time ask before you say yes.

Original poster
SteamedBadger35 · 23/12/2018 09:59

Definitely wouldn't have gone if I knew the cost - probably would have paid £20 but no more, it's not really my kind of thing and tbh felt a bit obliged to go as she was there alone with her kids and got the impression she'd like some adult company.

The tickets are different prices (we had premium ones as it turns out) so I wouldn't have known the price without her telling me.

I probably will offer as I'll feel guilty if I don't, but also know I will be a bit resentful if she says yes. In her shoes I would definitely have mentioned the price right at the start (especially when the other person mentioned they weren't able to stay for the whole time - e.g. "the tickets are £80, it might not be worth it if you can only stay until half time").

OP posts:
MrsBuckettt · 23/12/2018 10:01

If you didn't go the ticket would have been wasted anyway.

TBH she sounds like a CF and I'll bet she didn't pay £80 each for those tickets. If she wanted you to pay she should have said so when she offered you a spare ticket.

Lifeofsmiley · 23/12/2018 10:02

I don’t think you should offer,and don’t feel guilty about it either. You can’t afford it so don’t be guilted into spending a lot of money on it

Nanasueathome · 23/12/2018 10:02

She may not have paid the full £80 for the ticket anyway

legolimb · 23/12/2018 10:03

Did your friend actually pay full face value for the ticket though? Her friend may have asked for a smaller amount to recoup some of her loss?
It's a tricky one. If you don't offer then you'll likely feel that yiur friend is holding a grudge as she's out of pocket, but if you do pay up then it's not fair either as it wasn't worded that eat originally

ginghamstarfish · 23/12/2018 10:03

Very sneaky of her to 'invite' you, as if doing you a favour without telling you the cost upfront, when in fact she wanted to get her £80 back (if she did in fact pay the full amount). I wouldn't pay in this case, as she implied she had been given the tickets, and then implied that she was offering one to you, no mention of cost. Even when you said you could not go for the full time she could have told you about the cost but kept quiet. Not much of a 'friend' if you ask me.

MountPheasant · 23/12/2018 10:06

Going against the grain but I wouldn’t offer. She should have made it clear there was a cost upfront. Wait for her to say something and then offer to pay half, pointing out that you were only coming as a favour and would not have come if you had known there was a cost. Quite cheeky of her I think.

ScreamingBadSanta · 23/12/2018 10:07

I have limited patience for people who offer tickets that are 'going spare' and aren't upfront about their expectation of reimbursement. It's happened to me, and I've paid (gracefully) however, thankfully, not to the tune of £80.

In your position, I think I would say 'I didn't realise the tickets were so expensive' and offer what you can afford.

The lesson I learned was always to ask 'How much are the tickets' before accepting.

I do think the whole thing is slightly cheeky if it's a ticket that is otherwise going to waste - as the person who buys it secondhand is doing so at short notice; and, presumably, anyone who really wanted to go would have bought their own ticket in the first place, so it's always being re-sold as a second-rate option.

costacoffeecup · 23/12/2018 10:07

She hasn't actually asked op to pay though has she? So how is she a cf?

Original poster
SteamedBadger35 · 23/12/2018 10:08

To be fair to her, she hasn't asked me for any money, and don't know whether she'd accept or not anyway.

Unfortunately I think she probably did pay full price though - the event was rammed so whoever was selling them could have got full price for them through a ticket exchange I imagine.

OP posts:
Yulebealrite · 23/12/2018 10:10

Don't offer. Wait until she asks then ask how much she actually paid for them as you assume she got them for virtually nothing as they were going to be wasted. If she wants the full price, show shock and say that you wouldn't have agreed if you'd known that, as you could obviously only go to half of it. Pay the full price if you have to but let the cf know that she is being unreasonable not to have mentioned it.
Don't just pay and say nothing.

ChasedByBees · 23/12/2018 10:11

I wouldnt offer. Saying there’s a ticket spare doesn’t imply a cost. If she wanted money for it she should have said before you went.