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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I offer to pay?

43 replies

SteamedBadger35 · 23/12/2018 09:41

My friend texted me a week or so ago saying she'd got some tickets off a friend for an event in my town, she was coming down with her kids and she had a spare ticket - would I like to join them? I said I could come for a bit but might not be able to stay for the whole thing as it ended late and would take me over an hour to get home. She was cool with that. All sounded very casual and quite last minute. No mention of money.

When we were there, she dropped into conversation that she'd bought the tickets off her friend (I assumed she'd been given them), so later on I looked at my ticket to check the price so I could pay her back - it was £80 - for one ticket! I never pay that much for a ticket to anything and to be honest I can't afford it. (I've never been to that kind of event before and had no idea it would be so much).

Should I offer to pay, knowing that I can't really afford it? Or not mention it?

OP posts:
CloserIAm2Fine · 23/12/2018 10:15

I would’ve asked how much before agreeing to go. And I do check the prices of things online before I agree but I wouldn’t expect someone else to.

But if I was your friend I would’ve also told you how much when I offered the ticket to you.

She hasn’t actually asked for money has she? Maybe ask her how much you owe her? If she comes back with £80 explain you didn’t realise how much it was and can’t afford that all at once at christnas and offer to pay in instalments.

thefinn · 23/12/2018 10:16

I'm made fun of often for offering to pay for things and in this case it wouldn't cross my mind to offer. You can't really afford it, don't offer. I would have thought of it just like you did- some adult company.

greenlynx · 23/12/2018 10:20

I would do as Yulebealrite suggested.
I would never invite anyone without mentioning the price first even if it’s fiver. 80 is a very expensive ticket.

ShalomJackie · 23/12/2018 10:26

If I was inviting a friend but expecting to them to pay I would have said - I have got tickets. They are £80 though so I appreciate its a lot to pay especially at this time of year so I understand if you can't come. As she hasn't mentioned price I assume it is her treat and as you say you were doibg her a favour by being an extra adult - was it HOTY Show?

WhatsUpHun · 23/12/2018 10:29

I wouldn't offer, if she wanted to the money she should have said at the start

ErickBroch · 23/12/2018 10:33

Nope. I have had similar things happen to me, if I want the money then when I talk to a friend I mention it straight up! If I am not bothered about money, then I just ask if they'd like to come. I don't think you should pay, if she brings it up explain it honestly and say you can pay a bit - i doubt she paid full price from her friend

QueenCarrot · 23/12/2018 10:40

I bought tickets for an event tonight. The other person now can’t come at short notice (I was not/am not expecting them to pay). That is dead money to me now anyway. If I can find somebody else to come I will but wouldn’t ask them to pay for the tickets. If somebody asks me if they can come or asks buy them and it’s not somebody I would invite then I would take some money, probably not full value though (does depend on who it is). Tickets are not anywhere near £80 and I can afford the loss

Puggles123 · 23/12/2018 10:40

No, she should have been upfront when she asked if you wanted to go, and she hasn’t asked. If it was an event you really wanted to go to then potentially, but as you were going along to support here and wouldn’t have if you knew the cost fair enough I think.

CasperGutman · 23/12/2018 10:47

Has she asked to be repaid? You couldn't have known the cost and had the reasonable impression the tickets were spare/free, so you are not obliged to pay. And you can't afford £80 anyway!

Maybe plan to treat her to something (that you can afford) in the new year, so it's clear you're happy to be the one paying sometimes....

KarmaStar · 23/12/2018 10:53

The onus was on her to say she wanted money and how much it was.she did neither.
You are under no obligation to pay her.

ISdads · 23/12/2018 10:57

I wouldn't offer. From your op, she would have said if she wanted £//definitely should have said! So either she didn't want money or was tricking you into going then guilting you to pay. You know your friend best. Either way, no need to pay. I'd probably.buy a thank you for £5/£10

Returnofthesmileybar · 23/12/2018 11:01

No way Jose would I offer to pay!!

JustMarriedAndLovingIt · 23/12/2018 11:04

No obligation to pay.

Perso25 · 23/12/2018 13:18

Don't offerWine

brighteyeowl17 · 23/12/2018 13:55

If someone told me they had ‘got some tickets off a friend’ and didn’t mention cost I think I’d assume they were gifted or free. If you want money you say upfront.

Chloe84 · 23/12/2018 14:02

You would be a mug to offer money.

At the most give her a box of chocolates or similar.

Tistheseason17 · 23/12/2018 16:19

I gave away tickets to The Who as I was ill. I did not expect payment and it was not offered. I was not offended. I would have said up front if I wanted money. That said, the lucky couple bought me The Who concert coasters to say thank you - nice touch.

Jimdandy · 23/12/2018 18:13

I wouldn’t offer to pay.

If I say to a friend, “I’ve got a spare ticket would you like to come?” It’s a paid for invite.

If I say “I’ve got a spare ticket to this event, it’s £80 of you’d like to come” then I’m asking upfront for her to pay.

I don’t think you just pay and say as you said it was spare and didn’t mention any cost I thought you were inviting me to join you!

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