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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be completely shocked

61 replies

AllKinds · 22/12/2018 19:09

Had a family meal today at a pub with 6 members of DH's family including DH's grandad and his Mum (so my MIL).

It's was also DH's Grandad's birthday last week, so after the pub meal we all went to his house as MIL has bought a big surprise birthday cake.

MIL gets the cake out, "happy birthday Dad!"

I say "shall I get some plates?" And move toward the kitchen.

He then grabs the cake, shoves it in his fridge and says "that's not for shares".

I thought he was joking. He wasn't! Poor MIL was stood there holding the candles that she hadn't had chance to put on the cake.

Who does that? He's got form for being tight but this is a different level!

AIBU to think birthday cake is always shared or it's fine to keep your cake??

OP posts:
werideatdawn · 22/12/2018 19:59

Really rude but I kind of love it. When I'm 80 ish I'm going to be an asshole Grin

nicoala1 · 22/12/2018 19:59

@Heartofglass21

My sentiments entirely!

RB68 · 22/12/2018 19:59

He secretly admires Sister Monica

Juells · 22/12/2018 20:02

TwitterQueen1
Maybe he only gets cake once a year. When did anyone last bake him a cake?

Nobody's ever baked me a cake, that I can remember. If someone did I wouldn't grab it and put it in the fridge and hustle everyone out of the house. Men seem to get a free pass for any obnoxious behaviour from some posters.

nicoala1 · 22/12/2018 20:04

@werideatdawn

I'm afraid I am nearly there myself already!

Anothermothersusername · 22/12/2018 20:04

Is he struggling financially? If he is then that might explain why he wouldn’t want to share it (I remember a time when I was at uni i wen into a shop and an old man wanted a cake he didn’t have enough money for and he was begging the lady behind the till saying he would pay later as he had done so before and she was saying no. It was really sad Sad ). Or could it be that your DH’s grandad has dementia? If the answer to both of the above is no then yes it does come across as rude. I wouldn’t take it personally though.

I8toys · 22/12/2018 20:07

Let him have it....not in the sense of shooting someone but - its not worth arguing over this time of year - when goodies are in abundance!

BlueBinDay · 22/12/2018 20:10

Perhaps, at 80, he was tired after being in company all afternoon and didn't want people sitting round in his house eating cake. Perhaps he wanted to take his shoes off and have a bit of quiet.

He obviously didn't know about the cake, so did he know everybody was going round to his house afterwards? It might not be about the cake at all.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 22/12/2018 20:12

Awe bless him

Are you mad? Being old isn't a free pass to be rude and mean.

Original poster
AllKinds · 22/12/2018 20:12

@Anothermothersusername

He's really wealthy, just not likely to spend money if he can help it.

And he hasn't got dementia, thankfully, I do appreciate the concern though. Thanks all.

This really is him being him. Lots of stories I could share but this one today really took the cake biscuit!

OP posts:
BlueBinDay · 22/12/2018 20:12

DH then said he'd make a cup of tea for us all his Grandad said no, he urgently wanted MIL to take him shopping

Well there you go. He didn't really want to go shopping either. He'd just had enough company for the day.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 22/12/2018 20:13

He'll probably have less company going forward!

Grace212 · 22/12/2018 20:17

OP, so it's not out of character then? I guess we can discount dementia!! Grin

BlueBinDay · 22/12/2018 20:19

Maybe that's preferable to having folks barging into your house getting plates out and asking to make tea without being invited.

I mean, surely the OP can be read that way.
Can nobody see that he was maybe trying to drop hints?
Maybe not, of course, but just maybe?

TwitterQueen1 · 22/12/2018 20:25

"Oh, when DH then said he'd make a cup of tea for us all his Grandad said no, he urgently wanted MIL to take him shopping."

OP, So you think this is just him being mean, grabby, selfish, nasty etc etc....

It doesn't cross your mind for even a tiny second to think that actually this isn't entirely 'normal' and that maybe he's not quite himself and that it would be a kindness to just let him be..?

mumsastudent · 22/12/2018 20:26

Got it! Brexit! :)

Original poster
AllKinds · 22/12/2018 20:28

He could have sent us away with a piece of cake...

Honestly the image of my lovely MIL standing there, jaw to the floor, with all the birthday candles she hadn't had the chance to put on the cake was so sad! He literally whipped it away!

My DH's small nephews asked "cake, great grandad?" All hopefully.
"No! Not for shares, that."

OP posts:
SoftSheen · 22/12/2018 20:28

That's not normal behaviour at all, and I would be concerned.

Original poster
AllKinds · 22/12/2018 20:33

@TwitterQueen1 I really appreciate your concern Twitter, but honestly he's fine. Just selfish. I've thought the same as you when I first met him 10 years ago, but come to see it's just his personality.

We don't hold it against him, he's very much loved. Grin

OP posts:
TwitterQueen1 · 22/12/2018 20:34

I'm very glad I'm not in your family OP. Sad

Seeingadistance · 22/12/2018 20:35

If others in the family were surprised by this behaviour, then it's not normal for him.

You say he doesn't have dementia, but everyone who does have dementia didn't have it beforehand. My DF was 80 when he started showing the signs, and although he hasn't done anything like this, I do think it is something to be concerned about.

Original poster
AllKinds · 22/12/2018 20:35

@TwitterQueen1 you wouldn't get much cake!

OP posts:
nicoala1 · 22/12/2018 20:35

Let it go for now would be my opinion. So what if the man is a dick it is only a cake. FGS.

GreyGardens88 · 22/12/2018 20:38

Miserable old git

Togaandsandals · 22/12/2018 20:39

Medical conditions excluded, rude, unpleasant behaviour.

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