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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not tell my OH when dinners ready

80 replies

APositiveMind · 22/12/2018 18:49

And to let it go cold.
I text him to go to the shop and pick up something nice to cook for tea because it's nearly Christmas and were not spending it together.
He came home with two steaks and some potatoes.
I wondered why he didn't buy any veggies.. so asked "Didn't you get any veg?"
So he responded with "no we have frozen veg in the freezer if you want veg go and buy it your fucking self and not be ungrateful"
I wasn't being ungrateful I just wondered..

So now he's been upstairs for hours, had a 2 hour shower, has been satin the bedroom sulking for another hour.

Aibu to cook tea, eat mine and leave his out. If he wants to stay upstairs and sulk like a 5 year old then I know for a fact he'll smell the food and think I'll call him down whwnbits ready. Think again Mr.

OP posts:

FlamingoPoet · 22/12/2018 19:23

I’m with Mrs Strowman. I think you actually made him feel sad as he expecting you to be happy that he got you a treat, the steak, and you didn’t acknowledge it. Then instead of trying to make up you called out something mean upstairs. You sound as bad as him, or worse.
Life’s too short.

Original poster

APositiveMind · 22/12/2018 19:24

He's not one for apologising. I don't thinking ever heard the words 'sorry come out of his mouth.

He's just come downstairs now, sat on the other sofa and started playing his guitar, I've looked at him a few times, waiting for either an apology or explanation why he spoke to me like that. But I can see he knows I'm looking and won't pick his head up, avoiding eye contact. How do I make the first move and ask him why he was nasty without him immediately being defensive, which he will.

OP posts:

costacoffeecup · 22/12/2018 19:24

Frozen veg is horrible with steak anyway. You need grilled mushrooms and a nice bit of rocket. Make him a massive plate of frozen veg 😊

Original poster

APositiveMind · 22/12/2018 19:28

So I'm worse because I asked why he didn't pick up veg? Once he said we had some I accepted that and said I didn't know we had any, thought he may have forgotten or has something else in mind like chips or wedges?
But I'm worse because I'm fed up of having to do things for a bratty manchild who tries to make me feel guilty by staying upstairs and sulking?

Like I said, we both bring home food depending on who is out at the time. Hell either text me asking me to pick something up or ill text him.

Can I make it clear I only asked why he didn't pick up veg. I didn't turn my nose up at him, I just asked.

OP posts:

Original poster

APositiveMind · 22/12/2018 19:30

@costacoffeecup we hardly eat frozen veg, especially with steak (probably why I asked)
But he is partial to frozen meals, nuggest and pizzas, all of which I can't stand so we buy frozen veg for the weeknights when we just want something quick and easy.

I bloody love grilled mushrooms

OP posts:

AllKinds · 22/12/2018 19:33

Get takeaway, open a bottle and make up

Original poster

APositiveMind · 22/12/2018 19:33

Ok I'll compromise, I'll cook his tea. Bjtnim cutting his steak up when it's cooked into little bitesize pieces. When he asked why ill explain I thought he wanted to be a manchild today.
That's petty, but it's gonna be funny let's admit.

OP posts:

supersop60 · 22/12/2018 19:34

The word 'why?' can be loaded with criticism though. (as seen so often on MN)
eg - why didn't you get veg? sounds like - you've failed.
True - he is sulking like a little kid. Don't give in to that.
Next time, just say thank you. Or "Did you get veg?" - not emotive, just a question.

Woooman · 22/12/2018 19:34

Apparently some people on MN don't think a woman should ask any questions to a poor man who has worked all day and who has done one extra job that benefits him as well as his wife

BeanTownNancy · 22/12/2018 19:35

I would just ask him if he's going to help cook dinner and what veg he wanted with it. If he ignores you, just tell him you're off to cook your own then as he's clearly not hungry yet. If he starts being stroppy like a child, ask him why he's in a bad mood. I can't be dealing with people being passive aggressive - people should either say why they are in a mood or stop taking it out on other people.

Sausagefingers9 · 22/12/2018 19:37

Jeez, you are both making a mountain out a molehill!

WillowPeach · 22/12/2018 19:39

I hate it when I fall out with my OH. I’d be mad at him, I’d fume inside for a little bit but give it 10 minutes and I’d be there saying “let’s not fall out” and vice versa. We’ll both say sorry and explain why we’re both upset and more often than not it’s just a silly misunderstanding and one of us has sounded off but didn’t mean to.

I agree there is no need for him to talk to you like that but it sounds like he thought you were criticising him. If I were you, I’d say to him “I’m sorry if you thought I was criticising you, that wasn’t my intention. I was just curious as to why you’d not picked some fresh veg up like usual. However it has really upset me how you’ve spoken to me. But let’s not fall out and let it ruin our evening I’m sorry”. This would usually encourage my other half to also apologise for misunderstanding/snapping then we’d hug and get on with a lovely evening. If he didn’t, I’d give him a nudge and say “are you going to say sorry?” He would and then we can both move on feeling like it’s resolved. Don’t let this spoil your evening OP, life is too short.

RB68 · 22/12/2018 19:40

why ungrateful - was he doing YOU a favour - no he was bringing in tea for both of you - he is being a twat

Somersetlady · 22/12/2018 19:42

@apositivemind this is slightly off topic but you said ‘@costacoffeecup we hardly eat frozen veg ........we buy frozen veg for the weeknights when we just want something quick and easy.

How much easier than fresh veg is frozen and why? I have never had it but surely it takes the same amount of effort to boil it? Or can it be microwaved?

Back on topic. You can do better than this guy and even if you can’t yoh’d Be better off single.

Original poster

APositiveMind · 22/12/2018 19:46

@Beantownnancy
I completely agree, sometimes I snaobar him when in tired or stressed but I always immediately say I'm sorry that was horrible I'm just tired, don't take it personally.

He's now come into the kitchen with the dog, speaking in a baby voice saying 'what's going on rolo, is she cooking my dinner, what's going on'
oh fuck off smile and wave

OP posts:

diddl · 22/12/2018 19:53

"no we have frozen veg in the freezer "

That was all he needed to say though, wasn't it?

Original poster

APositiveMind · 22/12/2018 19:54

@somersetlady
I just prefer fresh veg, I don't know why but I feel like frozen veg may not have as many nutrients in it. I am a massive veggie fan, and love things like teenderstem broccoli and asparagus with steak, which is what we usually have. Or baby corn, but something about frozen veg outs me off

OP posts:

Chucky16 · 22/12/2018 20:02

Can’t believe some posters saying to get rid of or bin him!! I’m sure if he told his story on a dadsnet (if there was one) it would be you who would be getting all the criticism. There’s always more than one side to every disagreement. You are equally to blame, so be the bigger person and apologise to him. If he is a decent human being he will apologise to you too, if not then tell him to make his own dinner! Life is too short to let disagreements linger. You never know what’s going to happen next so don’t let this linger.

Chouetted · 22/12/2018 20:04

Frozen veg is usually considered nutritionally as good as, if not
better - unless it's been picked from your garden, fresh veg is never "fresh" by the time you get it.

Unfortunately, what you "feel" is irrelevant (and I know, that sucks).

LittleBot178 · 22/12/2018 20:08

2 hours in the shower?! What an egregious waste of water.

trojanpony · 22/12/2018 20:12

Is he always such a dickhead???

Geniunely, I cannot imagine my boyfriend ever saying this (or me saying this to him)...

he responded with "no we have frozen veg in the freezer if you want veg go and buy it your fucking self and not be ungrateful"

If he did somehow(?) he’d be apologising profusely I’d ask him what on earth was wrong with him

And the passive aggressive talking to the dog would make me want to scream...

Does he have any good points??

Santaisonthesherry · 22/12/2018 20:12

If my dh spoke to me like that the ddog would be having steak for tea.

Original poster

APositiveMind · 22/12/2018 20:12

@chucky16
Apologise to him for what?
Yes that's a genuine question.
I have to apologise for being spoken to like shit?
I'm not much of a feminist but I can see why they get so het up.

OP posts:

Singlenotsingle · 22/12/2018 20:19

Of course you shouldn't apologise! You just asked a perfectly reasonable question. He snapped and swore at you! (He might even have snapped and farted!) He's the one to apologise!

Original poster

APositiveMind · 22/12/2018 20:20

@trojanpony
I think the talking to the dog was to try and get me to bite. So that he can turn it around on me. My jaw physically hurts from clenching my teeth.

I made our tea while he hung around the kitchen watching, so I took them in, asked him if he's had a bad day and why he spoke to me like that, ended in a shouting match, him saying I'm ungrateful and me saying I didn't mean to be I just asked a question, i got hit with the 'I do so much for you' blah blah blah.

Agree we are both as hot headed as eachother but he won't talk like an adult he has to shout and then sniffle on the sofa like a child in a naughty corner.

I'm going for a fag before my back teeth drop out.

OP posts:

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