Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not wanting MIL popping in Xmas morning?

76 replies

1Mumwhowingsit · 22/12/2018 17:45

I really don’t want MIL round Xmas morning. She wants to pop in early morning because apparently that suits her.
Reason I don’t want her popping round is she is so judgmental! She always says how messy the house is and if I’m not looking great (I have bad skin) she makes it clear ... last time I opened the door to her, her first comment was ‘JEEZ LOOK AT
YOU’ I just want to enjoy Christmas morning with my little family and not worry about her coming round! DH says I am being overly sensitive etc...and that’s just the way his mum is and she doesn’t mean to be mean blah blah..
MIL lives 2min walk away from our house
Can’t my DH and my son pop to hers!? Really want to put my foot down on this one as it’s my home and i want to feel happy and relaxed on Christmas morning! AIBU?

OP posts:
Stardustinmyeyes · 22/12/2018 18:41

No you’re not being unreasonable. If she’s rude to you be rude back. Open the door and say Oh God not you again
I’m a Mil and I love my DIL, if I was that rude to her, I’m sure she would tell me me straight or my my DS would. Saying that’s just the way she is isn’t good enough

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/12/2018 18:42

Our morning is just for our little family That makes me cringe.

OP she's sounds very tactless but I don't think it's fair really on her GC and her son for them not to see her. But I do get why you don't want her saying what she does.

EdtheBear · 22/12/2018 18:42

I suggested popping into hers on our way home later, after lunch at my mums but she told DH she didn’t want anyone round who wasn’t there for Christmas dinner (we didn’t get invited round for dinner) she always tells my DH that we should have a family Christmas just the 4 of us

Oh thats gold dust to rephase and repeat back.
I don't want anybody here before noon that didn't stay the night. I really think we should have the morning and brunch just the 4 of us!

ivykaty44 · 22/12/2018 18:44

Postpone till the evening when you’ll be looking good.. say you’re sorry but you’ll not be up and night scare her without your makeup on etc

mumsastudent · 22/12/2018 18:47

hiya mil (if she makes insult) guess that makes two of us (toothy grin with gritted teeth) never mind - hopefully I will grow old gracefully (implication - unlike you!)

68Anon · 22/12/2018 18:47

What does your husband want? It's his house too?

You seem to dislike your mother in law yet she is the mother of the man you love so she can't be all that bad.

NewName54321 · 22/12/2018 18:49

Do you have a dog that might need walking at just the time she arrives?

If not, I'd leave DH and DC to her and go and be very busy in the kitchen. She can't be there forever if she's got guests coming. This may work better if FC were to bring DC something very noisy in their stockings that the can be encouraged to show grandma.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 22/12/2018 18:49

I would be upstairs getting ready and letting DH let her in. Come down rocking the xmas outfit and smiling and ignore any rudeness, it can only affect you if you let it!

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 22/12/2018 18:51

Our morning is just for our little familyThat makes me cringe.

Makes me cringe too tbh.

CryingMessFFS · 22/12/2018 18:54

Say what she’s said to you ‘sorry you can’t come round we only want people who we are having Christmas lunch with coming round’

AWishForWingsThatWork · 22/12/2018 18:56

I hate it when people defend family members like this with "that's just the way s/he is." Bollocks. There's no excuse for rudeness.

Tell your DH that's not an acceptable defence, and you won't have Christmas spoiled in your own home because he won't tell his mother she needs to zip it about you, your house, how you're raising your child, whatever. Or she won't be welcome there.

ilovesooty · 22/12/2018 18:56

Why don't you challenge her rudeness? You don't need to accept that.
However there are some horrible comments. And little family keep her at bay off your turf - listen to yourselves.

Touchmybum · 22/12/2018 18:57

Ah jesus, just let her. Surely you're old enough to answer her back, or ignore her remarks? What do you care what she says?!

MulticolourMophead · 22/12/2018 18:58

She never invites DH/DC to hers and it makes me feel sad

But she expects to be able to pop in to yours?

Jebuschristchocolatebar · 22/12/2018 18:59

I’m going to go against the grain here and say let her in. Who cares what she thinks or if your house is not up to her standards. Just let her play with the kids and then leave when she is done. It’s getting away lightly in my view

Greensleeves · 22/12/2018 19:04

I would tell DH his mother can come over for a bit to see her GC, if and only if he has a blunt talk to her about her rudeness and she undertakes to refrain from insulting his wife. If she can't commit to that (and own her previous rude behaviour) then sorry, no, get to fuck.

Lifeofsmiley · 22/12/2018 19:07

Yabu to use the phrase my little family.
She is family too.
But I wouldn’t put up with the rudeness, just answer her back just as rudely, she’ll soon get the message

Nat6999 · 22/12/2018 19:10

I used to have the same problem when I was married, PIL lived round the corner & didn't give us a chance to even have breakfast before they were round, in the end one Christmas I lost it with them, they came to drop off presents for DS on Christmas eve & said they would be round in the morning, I just asked them to not come before 11.00 as I had things to do as we were hosting my parents, MIL had a face like a cat's bum & said that they were family & didn't have to ask permission to visit then stomped off. They never turned up next morning, DH had a phone call from his sister asking why I had upset MIL & why I favoured my own family, his brother who lived near us came round showing off & DH & him ended up fighting in the street. I might have caused chaos but PIL never came round on Christmas day again. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself.

Limensoda · 22/12/2018 19:11

“Blunt and tactless”Is just another way of saying I’m rude

No its not @Ghanagirl Intention is what matters.
I much prefer friends who are to the point and blunt or tell you to your face they are annoyed with you than people who moan to everyone else behind your back.

Stardustinmyeyes · 22/12/2018 19:15

Nat6999

Youand your DH sound like lovely people

CSIblonde · 22/12/2018 19:21

She sounds awful. If you're DH won't tell her, be rude right back. And tell her why. Silence is acceptance. Those that dish it out can never take it back. (my DM crumbled when I started to openly criticise/ judge her). Invite her for drinks in the pm (when you've had a few yourself to take the edge off her presence) then it makes morning visit redundant.

FlippinNora1 · 22/12/2018 19:21

I’d be tempted to say something to her beforehand.

“Mil, it’s fine for you to come over. It’s not fine for you to come over and criticise me, my looks and my house. Things will not be perfect on Christmas morning and I know you will judge. Your comments upset and depress me. I don’t want to be made to feel like that on Christmas Day”

See what she says...

Socksey · 22/12/2018 19:31

Ring her at 0600 and ask why the house was dark when you popped by at 0500?

reetgood · 22/12/2018 19:31

Why are you handling this? Your dh can apparently handle the way she is, let her round and let him do the wrangling.

GreenTulips · 22/12/2018 19:33

Repeat it back! Every time - it takes some practice!!

'I look a state?' Wait ...... it's now her turn to explain
'The house is a state?' .....wait ...

She'll be so shocked to hear it back and then have to explain she'll stop doing it ..... lovely little tactic

Swipe left for the next trending thread