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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being stingy?

29 replies

flissfloss65 · 22/12/2018 17:19

Just had a friend say I am. O big deal but it got me wondering.

Ds (18) has been going out with his girlfriend for six months. Since September ds has been at university so I haven’t seen her that much. Have spent £20 on her Christmas present which I think is fine. Friend thinks I am stingey and should also do her a stocking.

AIB stingey?

OP posts:
Original poster
flissfloss65 · 22/12/2018 17:19

Oh stupid autocorrect it’s stingey

OP posts:
Confusedbeetle · 22/12/2018 17:21

Absolutely not. An appropriate amount

DoYouLikeHueyLewisandTheNews · 22/12/2018 17:22

Perfectly appropriate amount to me.

NaughtyNoraTheNamechanger · 22/12/2018 17:23

That's not stingy at all, you can get some pretty nice things for £20.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 22/12/2018 17:23

It depends. Is she staying with you on Christmas Eve and likely to have to sit and watch the rest of the family open 4000 gifts whilst she stares sadly at her Terry's Chocolate Orange? If so, YABU. If not, YANBU.

Also, it depends on your income; if £20 is a decent amount for you, fine. If you blow your nose on £50 notes like BoJo does, YABU.

Singlenotsingle · 22/12/2018 17:23

He has only been with her for six months and you hardly know her! 20 pounds is fine.

Purpleartichoke · 22/12/2018 17:29

If she is going to be there while everyone else opens stockings, then she should have one as well.

Original poster
flissfloss65 · 22/12/2018 17:35

She’s at her parents for Christmas Day. If she was here I would do a stocking but seems ott to do one to takeaway.

OP posts:
Gravel1 · 22/12/2018 17:38

40 is the new 20 sorry but true

NaughtyNoraTheNamechanger · 22/12/2018 17:53

@Gravel1 perhaps for some, yes. But for most £40 is a lot of money to spend on someone you hardly know.

Butterflycookie · 22/12/2018 17:57

£20 is more than enough!
40 is the new 20 sorry but true...::seriously?

AllKinds · 22/12/2018 17:59

I think that's generous Blush

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 22/12/2018 18:00

I think the aim of presents is to get something you believe the recipient would like - sometimes you can get away with spending less, other times you spend a bit more.
My 2 ds' each have girlfriends - I spent £15 on each, which is less than last year. But I am trying to have a pared down Christmas this year and not go mad on the spending as I have important things to pay for after Christmas.

Leeds2 · 22/12/2018 18:01

I don't think there is anything wrong with that at all.

Have you any idea what her parents have bought your DS, if anything?

Lemoncurd · 22/12/2018 18:01

Gosh, often don't spend more than that on our own parents and siblings. £20 seems plenty!

namechangedforanon · 22/12/2018 18:03

Funny you say that my mum was asking me if it’s enough to get my DP a £20 LOVELY bottle of wine ( of course it is !) he isn’t doing Xmas with us and we don’t need “stuff”

Chocolateheaven123 · 22/12/2018 18:03

40 is the new 20 sorry but true

Brew

I've been with DP for 4 years, we have a toddler and another baby on the way. My ILs will probably give me a £20 voucher, and I'll be incredibly grateful. My parents have also spent about £25 on my DP and my SIL.

Not everyone can afford £40 for an adult child's partner.

OP, it's absolutely fine Smile

DelphiniumBlue · 22/12/2018 18:06

I don't remember the parents of boyfriends buying me anything, why would they? Especially if not there for Xmas day. How long have you known her? And is your DS buying her parents presents?
In any event I would think 20 pounds is more than enough.

Troels · 22/12/2018 18:12

I mus be bloody stingy too then. I've spent £45 on Ds's partner, she comes with him to visit, has been with him over a year, nearer to two. Don't live together. I've spent about the same on younger Ds's partner, live together for over a year, dating a lot longer.
Well thought out is better than throwing money at them.

CripsSandwiches · 22/12/2018 18:14

She's not with you on christmas day? Of course you don't need to do her a stocking. A £20 gift is generous she's probably not expecting anything!

CripsSandwiches · 22/12/2018 18:16

On a side note I'm actually really against this OTT present giving. Even if you can afford it. It pressures people into spending it when they can't afford it and a lot of it will be wasted and end up as landfill (since you're buying for someone you don't know well and no one needs hundreds of pounds worth of stuff suddenly on one day).

namechangedforanon · 22/12/2018 18:19

Totally agree Crisps !

Lobsterquadrille2 · 22/12/2018 18:36

My DM is very comfortably off and has spent £20 on each of us - including her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren, this still adds up to a sizeable amount and we will all be very grateful. Once over 18, the rest of us stop expecting presents from each other and value our time together. There are always plenty of under 18s! I don't think of any of us as being stingy, just not that into material stuff (apart from my brother but that's a different story).

SillySallySingsSongs · 22/12/2018 18:38

Absolutely fine especially as she won't be with you Christmas Day.

Number12 · 22/12/2018 18:39

Sounds about right to me!

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