AIBU to say no to family staying

[Needtostartsayingno123]

I work part time, have 2 DC and my partner works away one month at a time.

My partner has relatives who stay 3-4 hours away and maybe 4-5 times a year they will come and stay. They always leave an absolute mess when they come, expect to have their favourite food in the fridge waiting for them and just cause chaos pretty much.

Last night I got a message telling me they were going to come up tonight and stay for 1 night. They weren’t asking me to stay at my house, they were telling me. I have flat out refused as my partner is away, I’ve been working this week, it’s 3 days till Christmas, I have 2 DC (1 x still not walking and a massive handful) and I have guests round for Christmas Day. I also told them that the spare room isn’t ready as I have Christmas presents everywhere and I am currently trying to build one of my DC main present. She replied “we only need a bed”.

I just know that I will be getting slagged off left, right and centre and the rest of the family will know by now. WIBU to say no?

P.s - they already came up a few weeks ago (stayed at my house then) to deliver Christmas presents so it’s not to take up any presents, they never even said why they were coming up.

Whiteworld - I’m further north!

I’m glad the other comments are agreeing with me. Forgot to mention my partner was also angry about it completely understands so at least if any arguments stem from this, I’l have him on my side... because an argument will more than likely start! As they are strange individuals

YANBU. Whatever happens there is fallout so choose the one that doesn't leave you with a pair of ingrates and a messy house.

Don't give any reasons such as lack of space as they'll try and negotiate around it as many people believe that "No" is the starting point for them bludgeoning you into giving them negotiating what they want.

Send them a text that says
"Hi X, It isn't possible for you to stay tonight or any night in the run up to Christmas and in the weeks after. I already have plans and it isn't convenient at this time. If you are still coming, I would recommend contacting the nearest Ibis/Premier Inn/B&B to see if they have availability. I don't have the room"

Then if they do show up, don't answer the door. They can only stay if you let them in in the first place. Don't let them in. If they phone, tell them what you've sent them in the text messages about not being able to have them tonight.

Good luck!

yanbu

Who cares if they get the hump?

I hate this, DPs relatives do this saying they are coming to see us but invariably it's because they need a bed for the night on the way to somewhere else. Last time they informed me they were coming on a date DP was away working, I said there was no point coming as DP was away and maybe we could postpone to a Mutually agreeable date. They haven't been in touch since.

While the premier inn suggestion is good, I doubt there’s any near the OP if she’s in very northern Scotland!

Yes you absolutely need to say no, sounds like they’re used to taking you for granted.

Not a chance !

I would reiterate its not convenient and that perhaps other family members can accommodate them, if not I’m sure there’s a travel lodge or b&b that’s available have a good Christmas.

They may be slagging you off to all and sundry.
Most people will think their comments say more about them than you.

Are they coming to do holiday shopping op? What's available in your area that they can't buy nearer where they live.? Cheeky feckers. They sound horrible

Let them slag you off.
Everyone who isn't also a CF will know what they are like already.

Text them, ‘No room at the inn, off fuck’.

OP, have they arrived yet?

Definitely not coming up to do holiday shopping! They live outside of a big city and we live in a small town with an hours drive to any decent shops

Nothing yet and she has been on Facebook most of today which she only has at home so it’s looking good!!

I don't see the problem here. Husband's relatives have invited themselves for a night (probably because they have not been refused before), and the OP has given them a good reason why not. There is no indication that the relatives have seriously argued with her, or are likely to turn up uninvited. Perhaps they will grumble a bit, see the point, and do something else. They may not even bother to tell anyone about it within the family.
Some MNetters remind me of that Harry Enfield character who used to bang the Pub table and snarl "If that President Reagan turns up at my house, I will say-Hey You! Reagan! etc etc:"

Not everything need s to be a drama-unless there is a back story...………….

CFs. Stand firm.

And don't host any of them again if your DH isn't there, and make sure he stays on them to clean up after themselves if they do.

Holiday shopping

Stay is how Scottish people say where someone lives, confused me a lot when I first met oh!

Never even realised it was a Scottish thing until now !

Did they show up @Needtostartsayingno123 ? What did you do?

Ha, ha, I still say stay even tho I'm English and don't live in Scotland anymore.

Stick to your guns.

Well..I got a text at 8pm while I was away to put DC to bed saying “outside”

They managed to stay somewhere else but I didn’t know they were still coming up. So it was great to get abit of notice before turning up

And it was very awkward!

Wow, they are CFs indeed! Hope you ignored their text.

Thanks for the update. I'm really surprised that if they had somewhere else to stay, that they knew that your DP wasn't going to be there, that they still felt the need to visit and disrupt your evening.
Did they visit for long?

Enjoy your Christmas now.

How rude!