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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off he sleeps all day

29 replies

Alpacanorange · 22/12/2018 12:58

My ds is home university and claims to find night time sleep difficult, that being said I’m pissed off that he sleeps all day. I know this part is petty, but it feels so one sided, we help as much as we can, don’t ask for anything. We would like to spend some time with him. He is doing some bar work in the evening finishing at 3am therefore AIBU to insist he gets up now. What do you wise folks think please?

OP posts:
blackteasplease · 22/12/2018 12:59

If he's working night shifts essentially then I'd leave him. Maybe arrange a day or two with him when he will get up.

Gravel1 · 22/12/2018 13:02

Just had the same discussion with my sister who knows all as she been through it. Basically the average student is now nocturnal they dont go out until midnight and the student bar is no longer the venue they go off campus. So you have to allow 2 days to adjust to normal time and then try to bring them back to the light.If hes working nights then hes fully nocturnal. Try to grab 5 best you can do and dont worry about it.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 22/12/2018 13:03

tbh I think it woukd be better to suggest doing something tomorrow rather than hauling him out of bed and angrily demanding he spend time with you. My mum used to do this but didn't appreciate that it was unlikely to make us want to hang out with her!

Gravel1 · 22/12/2018 13:05

and leave him in bed or youll just argue - hes an adult now ( probably ) after all and stay out of the pit (bedroom ) just shut the door food smells may assist

VioletCharlotte · 22/12/2018 13:05

My DS is the same. They seem to turn nocturnal at uni! To be fair, I remember being exactly the same. I'd just let him get on with it, it's really not worth the rows. He's working nights, so he does need his sleep.

MrsJayy · 22/12/2018 13:06

When Dd lived it home she had a 2am late shift finish i wouldn't dream of getting her out of bed, your son won't have slept till probably 5 let the lad sleep why would you want to wake him.

Jaxtellerswife · 22/12/2018 13:08

Sounds like a well earned rest

Wingedharpy · 22/12/2018 13:09

If he's working until 3am it's not surprising he's still in bed.
Leave him alone.
He's hardly going to be wonderful company if you drag him from his bed while he's half asleep.
Some of us are just naturally nocturnal.

19lottie82 · 22/12/2018 13:10

Jesus, the poor lad is working until 3am, and then he will need to unwind afterwards. You can’t just go straight to sleep. Leave him to sleep.

YABVU

Badcat666 · 22/12/2018 13:13

So he is working still and finishing his shift 3am? What time does he get home?

Waking him up at 1pm is pretty bloody mean given that he will need to get home after his shift ends, then try and unwind (like every other person does who works normal working hours) and then try and get some sleep.

Late shift work buggers up your body clock big time! It's like asking someone who finishes work at 5pm to get in and go to sleep STRAIGHT away so you can wake them up at 3am to spend time with them.

bellanotte22 · 22/12/2018 13:14

Bar work at Christmas?! It was the bar's black Friday last night. Have you any idea how exhausting that shift is? Let him rest!

BumDisease · 22/12/2018 13:15

Leave him alone ffs.

Theoryofmould · 22/12/2018 13:15

So he's working until 3am and then needs to wind down after and you think he should be up? No he needs to sleep.
My dd is back and she's exhausted so I'm just leaving her be.

SierraSmythe · 22/12/2018 13:31

YABVU.

Celebelly · 22/12/2018 13:44

If he was working till 3, he probably won't have got to sleep until 5 or even later. Would you be able to come straight home from work and instantly go to sleep? It takes time to decompress and unwind.

If he got to sleep at 5ish, he's only just hitting eight hours, so it's not really a ridiculous amount of time to sleep. And if he wasn't able to sleep till later, he will have had less. When I worked until 1am, 2am, sometimes I couldn't get to sleep till almost 6am if it had been a busy shift with loads going on. I'd have to come home, watch something on TV, and just wind back down.

user1493413286 · 22/12/2018 13:48

Let him sleep; he’s not going to be keen to spend time with you if you wake him up.
When he does wake up ask him when you’ll get to spend some time with him and make arrangements

Thentherewascake · 22/12/2018 13:55

If he is working until 3am, then yes YABU
He needs to sleep.

If he was on holiday and not doing anything, then you could get him out of bed by 10-11am, but not when he works night!

Original poster
Alpacanorange · 22/12/2018 13:56

Thanks blacktea. Reading that back I do sound bit of a saddo. Just missed him I suppose.

OP posts:
werideatdawn · 22/12/2018 13:59

You've done a great job raising a young adult that goes to uni and works. Your big gripe is that he sleeps all day. Things could be so, so much worse. Enjoy him being out of the way and catch up with him when he's back in the land of the living!

Nothisispatrick · 22/12/2018 14:00

YABVU. If it was your partner working night shifts would you also want to wake them up because you missed them? Or is it because he’s a student it must mean he’s lazy!

MrsJayy · 22/12/2018 14:03

What is the point of waking him for your benefit he will just be a grumpy arse!

HolesinTheSoles · 22/12/2018 14:04

Like PP of course YABVU to wake him up so early after a night shift. If you want to spend time with surely you can all have dinner together?

Dimsumlosesum · 22/12/2018 14:09

I'd say, you can't force your university-aged child to hang out with you. It's tiring working until those hours. Just let the guy sleep.

WilburforceRaven · 22/12/2018 14:11

YABU. He won't have gone to bed till 5 or 6am, no one comes home from work and goes straight to bed if they don't have to. I used to do those hours, get off work, exercise, get a shower, have a meal, sit and read a bit, what anyone would do after getting off work.

Spend time with him before he goes on shift. Bar work this time of year is pretty full-on.

Sexnotgender · 22/12/2018 14:12

If he’s actually finishing work at 3am then coming home he’s probably not getting to sleep until 4/5am by the time he’s wound down.

I often used to finish work at 1/2am and very rarely could I come in and go straight to sleep. That’d be like getting home from work during the day and going straight to bed!