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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

17 yr old Dsis telling my kids to shut up

53 replies

Crookedcolours · 22/12/2018 11:46

My sister 17 is insufferable at the moment. I don't live with her but she visits with my dad as she did last night.

She's generally rude,moody, selfish standard teenage stuff but there's one thing I can't stand and it's that she keeps telling my young children 8 and 3 to shut up and tells them they're stupid.

I do pick up on this and say don't talk to my kids like that. But WIBU next time to come down hard and say listen to me, talk to my children like that again and I won't have you in my house and spend time with you.

I'm really pissed off about it but not sure how much leeway I should give due to her age

OP posts:
wizzywig · 22/12/2018 11:46

Why does she need to be there?

Original poster
Crookedcolours · 22/12/2018 11:47

They came over for my brothers birthday last night, she's here Christmas Day etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Crookedcolours · 22/12/2018 11:47

I see my dad a lot and she lives with him so she'll be there

Just me and her our relationship is quite good.

My eldest has a problem with stammering so I'm extra sensitive to how he's spoken to

OP posts:
Pinkyyy · 22/12/2018 11:48

Zero leeway. I'm sure people can give you plenty of examples of what they were doing at 17 and it certainly wasn't acting like a moody 12 year old

Original poster
Crookedcolours · 22/12/2018 11:52

Yes at 17 I was with a baby and my own place actually! Had had jobs etc

I certainly knew it wasn't ok to speak to people like that

OP posts:
Original poster
Crookedcolours · 22/12/2018 11:52

Should I send her a message or wait til she next says it.. possibly Christmas Day though if I leave it

OP posts:
M00nUnit · 22/12/2018 11:54

No YWNBU to come down really hard on her about this. There is no way your children should be treated like that, it's disgraceful. Poor little things! If anyone ever called any children in my family stupid or told them to shut up I'd be furious.

Redken24 · 22/12/2018 11:54

I'd wait til she does it again and then immediately say excuse me? What did u say? You can't be calling a child stupid.
If she argues back tell her to get out and come back with a better attitude.
She should try an be a better aunt

Original poster
Crookedcolours · 22/12/2018 11:56

I think I'm going to message her again today because it's already happened multiple times

OP posts:
Original poster
Crookedcolours · 22/12/2018 11:56

And I might message my dad to to tell him I've warned her and it's not ok

OP posts:
M00nUnit · 22/12/2018 11:56

I would message her before Christmas Day as it seems like it's inevitable she'll verbally abuse your kids otherwise. You need to try and protect them from it happening at all.

Pinkyyy · 22/12/2018 11:57

Don't wait, send it now so there is no chance of an altercation on Christmas day.

hey sis, I want to reiterate what I said to you about the way you speak to my DC. It's not acceptable and I expect you to know better at your age. I'd hate for it to become an issue that stops us visiting, so in future you need to think about what you're saying to them and how you say it

Something along those lines should be fine?

LaurieFairyCake · 22/12/2018 11:58

I'd text her:

"Hey sis, I need you to stop saying shut up/stupid to the kids. I know you think it's banter but I'm really worried that this negativity will make his stammering worse. I really want them to feel less pressure over the holidays. Love you, look forward to seeing you tomorrow"

I can't reiterate enough that trying to increase empathy in teenagers and treating them as responsible is way better than increasing conflict.

Feel free to move to speaking to them firmly in private if the above doesn't work.

pinkyredrose · 22/12/2018 12:01

How noisy are your kids, do they interupt etc? Just wondering if she's got a point or if she's just a moody arse.

BarbarianMum · 22/12/2018 12:02

Def message her. And if this is in response to your children winding her up or bouncing all over her getting in her face then stop that too.

Original poster
Crookedcolours · 22/12/2018 12:03

She doesn't think it's banter she says it seriously

She's seriously unpleasant to everyone at the moment and thinks nothing of being incredibly rude and self absorbed

My kids weren't interrupting no just speaking

OP posts:
multiplemum3 · 22/12/2018 12:04

She shouldn't be calling them stupid but why is she telling them to shut up? If they're annoying her are you getting them to stop?

wizzywig · 22/12/2018 12:09

Id be so so angry at anyone speaking to my kids like that. Id be tempted to passive aggresively retaliate by spitting in her drink

Original poster
Crookedcolours · 22/12/2018 12:13

Multiple mum she gets annoyed at anyone saying anything in her vicinity they're not being annoying

OP posts:
Dotty1970 · 22/12/2018 12:14

Leeway for being 17 - absolutely NONE

Dotty1970 · 22/12/2018 12:15

wizzywig

Id be so so angry at anyone speaking to my kids like that. Id be tempted to passive aggresively retaliate by spitting in her drink

Grin🤣

LaurieFairyCake · 22/12/2018 12:15

Yes I know it's NOT banter, just giving you an out so she can make a better choice.

She's a twat, teenagers go through really twatty phases - it's not the only option to point it out to them if it's persistent.

BarbarianMum · 22/12/2018 12:15

Well in that case give it to her both barallels! She can take her precious teenage strop home and nurse it there.

knittedjest · 22/12/2018 12:18

Tell them now. Gives them the choice of whether or not they want to come. Don't know what you can do about it when visiting your dad though. You can't exactly go into her house and tell her how to behave if your father won't back you up.

JollyHolly30 · 22/12/2018 12:19

Let us know what you decide to say to her :)

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