Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

17 yr old Dsis telling my kids to shut up

53 replies

Crookedcolours · 22/12/2018 11:46

My sister 17 is insufferable at the moment. I don't live with her but she visits with my dad as she did last night.

She's generally rude,moody, selfish standard teenage stuff but there's one thing I can't stand and it's that she keeps telling my young children 8 and 3 to shut up and tells them they're stupid.

I do pick up on this and say don't talk to my kids like that. But WIBU next time to come down hard and say listen to me, talk to my children like that again and I won't have you in my house and spend time with you.

I'm really pissed off about it but not sure how much leeway I should give due to her age

OP posts:
FrogFairy · 22/12/2018 12:21

I’m afraid I would be rather blunt and say something along the lines of, Sis, I love you to bits but you have to stop being mean to my kids. I hope we can all have a lovely Christmas Day together but just to be clear, if you start being nasty I will tell you to leave.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 22/12/2018 12:21

You dad should be having a hard talk with her IMO.

If he can't or won't, then I'd message her, making it clear that rude, bratty behaviour, especially to your kids, will NOT be tolerated any more. And that at 17 she should know better than to behave like a thoroughly obnoxious, spoilt brat.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/12/2018 12:26

Definitely zero tolerance.
She can't treat your children like that, it's totally unnecessary and not her place.
Sounds like she's treating them as though they were her own siblings - they're not, and she needs to realise that.
She sounds very immature.

ohwellinthatcasetryprunes · 22/12/2018 12:27

You need to get your dad on board with this one - she needs to be told in no uncertain terms that she is never ever to tell your children that they are stupid, or anything else unpleasant.

I could cope with her telling them to be quiet, but not to say shut up nastily.

knittedjest · 22/12/2018 12:32

Frog

So would I because I'm blunt by nature but the thing about bluntness is it's a bit like punching. If you are going to give it you had better be prepared to take it back just as hard. And once Genie is out the bottle, well, let's just say that's one doodle that can't be undone. There are going to be consequences and I can almost guarantee daddy will side with his younger daughter because they live together and it makes his life easier. OP needs to be aware of that.

PolkaDoting · 22/12/2018 12:34

Yes, definitely don’t wait until she does it again. She’s done it often enough already. Also agree with telling your dad, united front.

Dollymixture22 · 22/12/2018 12:36

Technically she is still a child so can your dad not discipline her? She is behaving really badly - she should be the cool aunt to your children not the unpleasant bully.

You dad needs to start Being really firm. Take her mobile phone off her, stop any pocket money. She needs form parenting,

Original poster
Crookedcolours · 22/12/2018 12:38

My dad has aspergers and isn't good with discipline, part of the reason we have this problem I think!

OP posts:
Original poster
Crookedcolours · 22/12/2018 12:42

My message was along the lines of

Just want to say, don't say shut up to my kids or call them stupid again. It's not acceptable you're old enough to know better and I won't tolerate it

OP posts:
Original poster
Crookedcolours · 22/12/2018 12:43

Maybe I could have dressed it up with niceties a bit more but I'm pissed off about it today!

OP posts:
knittedjest · 22/12/2018 12:45

Honestly op, have the conversation now over text because if you leave it until you are in person it's going to be a shit storm. You think you are going to say it and she will scamper off with her tail between her legs and you will feel empowered and victorious? Not a chance. Some nasty things will be said on both sides, things you will both regret saying later. At least if you say it over text you can breath and formulate a response in your own time rather than spew back at her in the heat of the moment.

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 22/12/2018 12:47

I would definitely message her before Christmas and tell that when she is a visitor in your home you expect her to be polite to to your children. State that absolutely no-one gets to speak to your children like that in their own home. Remind her she is a visitor only and will be asked to leave if she cannot remain polite and civil.
There is no way on earth I was talking to people like that at her age and if I had tried it, my parents or extended family would have been down on me like a ton of bricks.

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 22/12/2018 12:50

Oh, cross post, your message sounds fine Op.

HollowTalk · 22/12/2018 13:17

Your message is absolutely fine. It's your children's home, not hers. It should be a safe and happy place for them and anyone who is horrible to them should go back home.

Cherries101 · 22/12/2018 13:24

It sound to me like your sister doesn’t want to be there. Just ask her outright — she might have other plans and feels she has to be there because you’re family.

HughLauriesStubble · 22/12/2018 13:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HolesinTheSoles · 22/12/2018 13:57

YADNBU I could accept quite a lot of teenage moodiness directed towards me but no way would she be coming into my house telling my kids they're stupid.

HeebieJeebies456 · 22/12/2018 14:23

she keeps telling my young children 8 and 3 to shut up and tells them they're stupid....She doesn't think it's banter she says it seriously

She's behaving like a bully.
Call her out on it in person if she does it again to anyone in front of you.
Teen hormones are no excuse for being deliberately hurtful towards others.

recklessruby · 22/12/2018 15:29

You've done the right thing texting. Your poor dc.
I was a right moody cow as a 17 year old going through A levels but didn't bully my young siblings. My mum would have still sent me to my room even at that age!
If she has other plans can she do sort of half family/half friends split and then you get a break from her? Sounds like dad is caught in the middle too and probably trying not to light the touch paper of her firework moods.

CanaryFish · 22/12/2018 15:33

I remember once my sister said something appalling to my younger brother and my father said to her
“No one ever spoke to you like that as a child”
Would saying something like that work?

Original poster
Crookedcolours · 22/12/2018 15:56

She barely socialises out of sixth form, one of these modern teenagers that includes social media as a hobby and just lies around on their phone every spare hour of the day!

I don't think she's being forced to see me or us, I still think she should be able to act civilly

OP posts:
BlueJay1 · 22/12/2018 16:01

If she's gunna act like a kid treat her like one. Tell her it's not very nice to use those words / tone and to leave the discipline to you.

HughLauriesStubble · 23/12/2018 11:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kikipost · 23/12/2018 11:28

Polite firm message beforehand

And come down hard if she then does again whilst here ie ask her to immediately leave the table / room and if she refuses, ask her to leave.

Kikipost · 23/12/2018 11:29

And if she does... turn to your children and say “auntie x is very very rude. I have asked her to stop but she is being rude to me too and ignoring me”

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.