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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Feel Just a Bit Fed Up after Night Out

33 replies

HarrietSmith · 21/12/2018 22:45

My husband isn't great about suggesting evenings out. This is normally left to me.

But in a rare show of initiative he did suggest an evening out in town. Some entertainment with a meal beforehand. A Spanish bar/restaurant with a small performance space.

I'm tired and it's been a rough week. Busy as well. I thought the evening out might be a time to talk and catch up. I was down because I got told yesterday that I hadn't got a job that I had really wanted. (There'd been a phonecall and as I'd been told unsuccessful candidates wouldn't be informed till the New Year I iniitally thought the call from them meant I'd got the job.)

Unfortunately because the restaurant/bar is near the business district in town and we were eating early the bar/restaurant was absolutely full of people shouting their heads off. Though we were at a small table where we only a couple of feet apart, we could barely hear each other.

The noise level was like being in a club or crowded party. I really wanted to leave.

But I told myself I had better just try and get used to it. Our food - paella arrived and the waiter squeezed lemon over it. A minute later my husband decided that he wanted to squeeze some more out of the lemon, so reached across, and there was a sudden crash and a kind of flood. He'd knocked his wine glass over at speed and there was suddenly red wine all over my top and trousers.

The entertainment bit of the evening was better.

I just feel a bit sad about it having been impossible to talk over the meal and having wine knocked all over me.

I suppose in another mood it might all have been hilariously funny. But I just feel sorry for myself at the moment.

OP posts:
JustHereForThePooStories · 21/12/2018 22:47

It’s one night out of thousands.

ree348 · 21/12/2018 22:48

Sorry for such a hard day, go and have a nice long bath and get a good nights sleep. I'm sure you will feel better in the morning x

ScreamingValenta · 21/12/2018 22:51

What a shame. There are nights like that - they feel wrong from the outset and nothing you can do will retrieve them. Why not plan another night in January, when everywhere will be quiet?

LatentPhase · 21/12/2018 22:52

YANBU

Wallow with a horlicks. Go to bed and be relieved that tomorrow is a brand new day.

New glass of wine as alternative to horlicks

Wine
Thisisit777 · 21/12/2018 22:52

Hug. That is all 😁

Haggisfish · 21/12/2018 22:54

Oh that’s rubbish.

Original poster
HarrietSmith · 31/12/2018 10:44

An update. This morning my husband made breakfast. We drink coffee out of a cafetiere and have a table which consists of two glass panels set in a wood frame. Most of the time these panels are doubled up, unless the table is extended to its full length.

He had managed to knock over the full cafetiere just after making breakfast and had dabbed at the resulting sea of coffee with a cloth, then announced breakfast was ready. (He was keen to get on with his favourite hobby.)

The table was still swimming with liquid from where he'd been wiping with a damp cloth. There was coffee grounds on the chairs and the floor. Coffee grounds had also seeped down between the glass panels and the wood table frame, so everything was wet and messy.

I told him that ruining two meals within ten days was not acceptable.

I am fed up.

OP posts:
newplacenofriends · 31/12/2018 11:30

It was an accident, he didn't purposley ruins meals. Tell him he has to clean it up though

velourvoyageur · 31/12/2018 11:55

Are you sure it's not more that you're disappointed about the job (sorry about that by the way) but would rather not dwell on that so you're focusing on the evening instead as a way of still allowing yourself to work through negative feelings?
(Psych claptrap perhaps! But I do this!)

But knocking things over is really an accident, no one wants to do it and while two days in a row is annoying, I think the best reaction is just to laugh about it. The obsessing over details (vivid descriptions of coffee grounds and 'a sudden crash and kind of flood') is just going to make you unhappy. Surely the goal is to have a good day rather than a day ruminating about things that really don't matter much given they were totally unintentional accidents? Seriously. Being laidback will make you happier.

velourvoyageur · 31/12/2018 11:58

Didn't realise these were ten days apart, thought the coffee incident was the morning after! Sorry but think you're totally overreacting, poor guy!

Pachyderm1 · 31/12/2018 12:01

Aww OP, accidents happen. He should clean it up though.

It sounds like you have a lot on and little things are bothering you more than they should.

MissionItsPossible · 31/12/2018 12:04

Unless he threw the drinks and food at you on purpose I think you’re making a big deal out of it, saying it’s “not acceptable”.

SavageBeauty73 · 31/12/2018 12:07

Total overreaction. I'm clumsy too.

Coldtoes28 · 31/12/2018 12:10

Bless him. He sounds like he really makes an effort but he's clumsy. As a fellow clumsy person I feel for him.

LoniceraJaponica · 31/12/2018 12:15

I'm sorry you were underwhelmed about your night out. Although I do think that going out in town on the last Friday before Christmas was a bit amibtious. It isn't called "mad Friday" round here for nothing. All police leave is cancelled that night and there are extra police on the streets.

Is your husband normally this clumsy or is it a recent thing?

greenpop21 · 31/12/2018 12:24

Just laugh it off. Stuff happens, normally the best laid plans as the saying goes. Try to relax a bit in your attitude and not place too much importance on things.

Original poster
HarrietSmith · 31/12/2018 12:25

Oh, I suppose you're right.

It's just nice when you've got past the stage of constantly mopping up after toddlers. At the restaurant the waiters had to do all the mopping up. This morning, he could have made an effort to clear up but decided to press on with breakfast.

Another time I'll ask him to spend five or ten minutes clearing up properly and just put stuff - it was a cooked breakfast - in the oven to keep warm.

I think the point is that his hobby now he's retired is dependent on fine motor skills. Yet in a domestic sphere he often rushes and/or is distracted and becomes very clumsy. It's like those blokes who have really responsible senior jobs - but somehow can't dress the children or do basic food shopping or cook pasta with tomato sauce.

OP posts:
HoneyDoo · 31/12/2018 12:26

Perhaps look at proportionality here. The way you're feeling towards your husband, is it proportionate to the fact that he knocked over a glass of wine and then the coffee.

I see that he made an effort to organsie an evening for the two of you and he prepared breakfast. Your view seems to be a very dejected and jaded one, perhaps address the cause of this rather than projecting onto your husband. Clumsiness is not a massive problem.

Fairylea · 31/12/2018 12:27

Dh and I would laugh about all this. You sound very down, what else is going on at the moment? How is your relationship with dh otherwise?

greenpop21 · 31/12/2018 12:28

Nothing new there I'm afraid Harriet but in the brand scheme of husband faults, he doesn't sound like a bad person.

BedraggledBlitz · 31/12/2018 12:28

Is he trying to drown you? For the insurance?

Just kidding. I'm down in the dumps too, including recovery from a job rejection, might try and clear my head with a nice walk soon x

greenpop21 · 31/12/2018 12:29

I agree that you sound a bit down in general. shame about the job but new year, new opportunities and all that. I do think you can choose to be happy OP.

Orchiddingme · 31/12/2018 12:31

Your husband seems to be making an effort with you at the moment- suggesting a meal out when it's not usually his thing, making you breakfast. It's going wrong and you feel annoyed, but it is not purposive and is coming from a good place. Two 'clumsy' incidents in 10 days is not a lot for a clumsy person!

You do sound down and looking for the bad in everything.

I'm not saying these things aren't annoying, they are. Not probably worth focusing on, though. Sorry about the job.

thefinn · 31/12/2018 12:37

This all reads a little like review... he is trying. Sorry you're feeling down though.