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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I stop breastfeeding to help improve my son's behaviour?

54 replies

Minette5 · 21/12/2018 21:24

So here it is.. I am a terrible worrier and over thinker so would love to have some advice or hear your stories. I have a 3yr old who is very much a mummy's boy and I have a 5month old LG who appears to be going the same way. She is breastfed and currently won't take a bottle so all feeding is on me. We are going to try her with sippy cups soon and she has begun weaning.
However my son's behaviour seems to be deteriorating, he has always been quite happy and animated but is getting very grumpy, tearful and negative. We have so many strops over nothing, he fake cries which gives everyone a headache and often sets the baby off crying too. We are working on this but I am thinking that perhaps if his behaviour doesn't improve I should stop breastfeeding to be able to spend more time with him and involve him more in the feeding. (He loves his sister and often tries to help by holding a boob). I am on the fence with this decision as I am doing well with the bf this time, she refuses a bottle ATM and she has allergies so the wonders of BM is good for her. We are very relaxed parents so any out there suggestions are welcome, your wealth of experience and knowledge may find something I haven't thought of!
Thank you.

OP posts:
HashTagLil · 21/12/2018 21:26

No, don't stop breastfeeding your baby yet. I say this as someone who chose to bottlefeed.

This is not the way to deal with the behaviour of your DS. Other people will be along to offer advice I'm sure.

ErictheGuineaPig · 21/12/2018 21:30

No. Don't sacrifice your dd at the alter of a threenager's mood swings! Find other ways to involve him. Kids go through these difficult stages, keep being calm and chilled out and he'll come out the other side.

Pumpkin314 · 21/12/2018 21:32

It isn't anything you've done, you are in possession of a threenager. Tantrums over ridiculous nonsense are their speciality. We had the same situation, I found the book 'how to talk so little kids will listen' helped a bit, him getting older (he's now just over 4) helped even more!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 21/12/2018 21:32

I don’t think I would, not unless you have generally had enough. I have a similar age gap and found that although the big one was a bit of a pain in the arse, it did get better. I would hope that it will resolve itself whatever you do.

HayCaramba · 21/12/2018 21:33

Don’t stop BF her in the hope of improving your son’s behaviour. I’m not sure it’ll help. Plus in a few months she’ll hardly be feeding much during the daytime. My DS is 9 months and has 3 short feeds during the day.

Lordamighty · 21/12/2018 21:33

Don’t stop breastfeeding to appease the tantrums of your 3 year old.

arethereanyleftatall · 21/12/2018 21:34

Absolutely not.

Redcrayonisthebest · 21/12/2018 21:46

No don't stop if it's going well in other ways. Three has been ds' worse age BY FAR (so far anyway Grin) so you could stop only to find it makes no difference.

DitaVonPeas · 21/12/2018 21:49

If you stop breastfeeding you'll just have a bottle-fed baby and a stroppy toddler, trust me.

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 21/12/2018 21:49

No, it will set a bad precedent for the future.

Deal with his bad behaviour independently, he is not the king of all of you! 😄

TheGreenDot · 21/12/2018 21:50

No don’t stop unless you wish to.
I’m bfing my 13m Ds. The three year old Dd would have had tantrums and good times whether I’d have or bottle fed in my opinion.

TheGreenDot · 21/12/2018 21:50

Tut bf or bottle fed.
🙄

TheSandgroper · 21/12/2018 21:53

Has Mr3’s range of food increased lately? www.fedup.com.au and keep a food diary. Note that some reactions you might set a clock with, others may take a few days to show.

Tinyteatime · 21/12/2018 21:54

No way. His behaviour sounds totally normal for a 3yo who is adjusting to having a sibling. My 3yo dd was a complete angel until she reached around 3.5 and had a new sibling, then her behaviour became quite challenging for a while. It changed back to normal within a few months. I doubt that breastfeeding has much to do with his behaviour, it’s just the situation. Hang in there.

LooksBetterWithAFilter · 21/12/2018 22:00

I was going to say you have a three aged as well. I’m not one for stereotyping but everyone talks about the terrible twos but I never had any problems with the three of mine at two but three was a different matter. I think they go though a huge developmental leap around that age and start to assert some control over their lives but aren’t quite old enough to articulate it properly and it comes out in tantrums and fake crying. They are just learning that we have buttons that can be pushed.
Just remember the old favourite of mums et that this too shall pass. Ignore the inappropriate behaviour praise the good but don’t stop breastfeeding.

RaymondHolt · 21/12/2018 22:04

Had a very similar situation with my two - same ages. DS only really got tricky when I was feeding DD.

I found distracting him with a snack of his own and something he liked on CBeebies worked for me.

I wouldn't give up. It's really hard but you can't drop things just because he doesn't like it. I bet he gets more of your attention, he needs to see he's not the centre of the universe.

Mummy0ftwo12 · 21/12/2018 22:06

yes, personally would stop breastfeeding your little one is at the age where really its not making a difference and its just hurting the feelings of your older child

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 21/12/2018 22:12

I think I'd stick it out. Soon she will have longer naps in the day so you will be able to spend more one on one time with him, and she will feed a lot less often. I say this only because it sounds like it will be tricky (both of mine were bottle refusers) and there isn't much guarantee it will work - a lot of kids that age act this way anyway. I'd try and get your partner to look after her for a bit (tricky between feeds I know but it will soon get a lot easier) and do more one on one time with him. If he desperately wants to be involved he can help with rubbing moisturiser in after bath / pouring water on her tummy / 'reading' her her favourite book / feeding her snacks you've passed to him / stroking her hair while she feeds. It is hard for little ones when their sibling is breastfeeding as they can get jealous of the cuddling aspect of it but if you have their own special time it might make it easier. Failing that I bribed mine with favourite TV program or snack that they weren't normally allowed and kept it only for feeding times and it softened the blow a bit!

Tinyteatime · 21/12/2018 22:13

@Mummy0ftwo12 she’s 5 months old, milk is still her main food source, of course it’s making a difference. Even if she were much older the op shouldn’t stop before she wants too because of a threenagers behaviour.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 21/12/2018 22:15

I think your baby is still at an age where breastfeeding is making a difference. Especially with all the bugs they are exposed to over winter. I appreciate there is lots of different research around this though

schopenhauer · 21/12/2018 22:16

No that’s a bad idea. How would you even do it if she won’t take a bottle? A three yo is just a testing boundaries, it’s nothing to do with bf and it’s very unfair on your baby. Theee year olds can be hard work but try managing his behaviour in other ways, this won’t work and will cause several other problems.

BottleOfJameson · 21/12/2018 22:17

Like PP I would say no don't stop breastfeeding but do try to incorporate one on one time into the schedule and get him involved in the baby in other ways. Good luck OP two little ones is tough for everyone you sound like you're doing a good job.

FlibbertyGiblets · 21/12/2018 22:17

Mummy0ftwo12 you think a breastfeeding a bottle refusing baby with allergies really isn't making a difference? Okaaaay.

OP wrt toddler behaviour, ignore what you can, find positives as often as possible - it could very well be that toddler is attention-seeking and being a smart kid he's worked out some of your buttons to press.

Good luck.

schopenhauer · 21/12/2018 22:20

at the age where really it’s not making a difference. Her age is 5 months. Milk is her entire diet!!! She is getting loads of benefits like all her nurtrition, vitamins, good bacteria, immunity. The list goes on and on.

mumsastudent · 21/12/2018 22:20

do you read to your ds while you feed or do puzzles? Or get him to help you bathe baby ? son doesn't need to feed baby with bottle. ds is growing up becoming independent from you - he is slowly developing social skills & protesting by being naughty & is totally normal for a three year old.