To be mad at my partner

[lizbethb37]

Yesterday I had a general anaesthetic and minor surgery (without tmi, it was downstairs stuff so feeling pretty sore). Partner took me to hospital yesterday, left me there for op then came back to take me home and to be fair, looked after me last night.

Today was his Christmas do, which I did know about as I was offered today as a date for surgery but went for yesterday so as not to ruin his day. However, he couldn't wait to be out of the house by 7.30 this am to get a bus (he never drives into work if he's going out) and left me to make mine and DS breakfast and tidy a bit. I had arranged with my Mum that I would go to her for most of the day for support with DS (7 and needs lots of playing with if 1:1, but she also had DN there for him to play with) but also supposed to be watched post GA and I did feel quite tired and woozy.

DP's Christmas do was lunch at a nice restaurant locally, and then my Dad dropped him in it and said that the plans were for them 'to go in from there'. So I'm back home again with DS tucked up in bed, and DP has texted to ask me to leave house keys out, but can't understand why I'm being sh*tty with him. AIBU?!?

Assuming that he’s otherwise a decent chap, then yes, YABalittlebitU. Let him enjoy his do. But look after yourself too.

I'm not sure really...is this one of these times it brings to the fore a general lack of care and consideration? Or is he a good bloke really just a bit thoughtless this time? That kind of op can make you feel vulnerable in a way other people don't really get at that time. Especially men I think. Just have a nice evening to yourself and a good rest

I would be annoyed about this.

Well don’t be shitty with him!

You’ve had your mum, he’s not abandoned you.

You’re far enough past the op now, you’re not in danger. Watch some tv and have an early night.

I would not expect to have an operation under GA that made me somewhat 'uncomfortable' to then come home to childcare.

I'd be shitty with my husband too if it was me. I'd hope he had the thoughtfulness to realise I'd like some help and company if I was feeling a bit sore and knackered a day after an op.

You should have love and care after the op. Generals can make you feel pretty zonked. Ynbu

He is mostly pretty good but when out having a few drinks he just seems to lose sight of everything - last Thursday he went out for lunch in London with clients and was banging on the door to be let in at 1.45am ( keys had been left out for him!). I let him in and went back to bed, only to realise an hour later he hadn't come to bed and was face down on the floor of the lounge....

I guess I'm just feeling hurt that he couldn't come home early and as I am feeling low and pretty sore. And half of me expects a repeat of last week too which means I will be up in the night again!

But you knew the date of his Christmas do when the surgery was booked so you must have known he would be busy the day after. I'm struggling to see the problem here tbh. Just leave the keys for him and get an early night.
Unless I'm reading wrong and you were told that the Christmas do was only lunch and now it's turned into an evening thing?

Send him a text now reiterating where the keys are and that he is under no circumstances to wake you. He'd only resent it if he came home to look after you and missed the fun. If you had insisted he come home and he'd refused you could be shitty but it sounds like it was an assumption he was coming home rather than a conversation?

I do get where you’re coming from; my DH is lovely but forgets himself when drinking at times and would probably do similar. I’d be upset at not being put first

I think if he comes home at a reasonable time and doesn't disturb you in anyway and is fit to be there for anything you need tomorrow then I don't see a problem
My DP went on a work night out 3 days after I had an op under ga (I was still struggling to bend, get up etc) and didn't come home till 4am and was still drunk the next morning!
People just don't think sometimes.

I can see both sides. I would want to have someone else there to help me out and look after me if I was still sore and had had an operation, especially under a GA.

Equally you both knew when the Christmas party date was and he made sure you had your mum during the day. I think he should have been the one to tell you he was intending to go out afternwards but if that is what he has always done every year after a Christmas lunch, he might have assumed you would know he’d be away for the entire day and evening.

Why doesn't he have his own set of keys?

What would he be doing otherwise?

Why hasn't he got his own keys?

I understand where you're coming from but unless you are so in pain/discomfort that you can't look after yourself or dc then I think yabvu. At age 7 can you not send dc to bed and then get into bed with a hot water bottle and a movie? I personally would rather be on my own to chill. Hope you feel better x

It was day surgery. Take the painkillers and take it easy.

He doesn't take house keys in case he loses them when he's out

Really. He needs to grow up a bit if he can’t manage some keys.

If he can't manage a set of keys I wouldn't place much hope on him managing your safety post GA.

He doesn’t take house jets unless he loses them? Can he manage a phone and wallet?

I mean Jesus. That’s so childish.

I’ll be getting day surgery soon and I looked forward to being on my own in the house to recover. I can watch all the cheesy films and tv shows I can’t watch while my DP is home.

House KEYS not jets ffs!

But seriously, that’s it’s stupid. Is that him saying he’ll lose them or you?

Why would he lose his house keys? Does he always get completely paralytic if he goes out?