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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not go to the ballet with dd

54 replies

MozzchopsThirty · 21/12/2018 16:40

I've booked us tickets for ballet tonight, I've never seen a ballet.
I've got loads to do, been in work all day, came home to find my house stinks of curry, her and her boyfriend have left all the cartons, plates etc all over worktops, they've bought yet another takeaway despite pleading poverty
She hasn't answered her phone all day
I get home they're in bed
It's like a bloody student house

I lost my shit big time
And now she says she won't go

Quite frankly although I've paid £50 I could quite happily climb into bed and sleep until the morning

AIBU to do that?

OP posts:
Fairylea · 21/12/2018 17:24

Who is looking after the puppy now?! I would rehome it. It’s utterly ridiculous for her to buy one when it’s not even her house. She needs a proper kick up the arse.

ScouseQueen · 21/12/2018 17:24

I've been to the ballet alone (as my first time too - thought I'd like to try it) and it was fine, I enjoyed it! Go and either take someone else, or see if the box office can sell it last minute. Do it!

Lululemonade · 21/12/2018 17:25

I always go to the ballet alone, I actually prefer it

Just go, I always find that when you don’t want to go somewhere you always have a fun time

grumiosmum · 21/12/2018 17:26

Another one saying do go on your own.

You will love it and feel so much better afterwards.

Spoil yourself with a nice glass of wine in the interval.

Mayrhofen · 21/12/2018 17:26

I would have gone nuts if my DD had come back home with a bloody puppy. She has however come home yesterday for Christmas, graduated in July and is living in rented, and brought back shit loads of washing and just moves from room to room making a mess.

I feel your pain.

You aren't the person whose DD wanted to come back with a dog when you had a very elderly cat are you?

ChesterGreySideboard · 21/12/2018 17:33

What did she do at uni? What steps is she taking to find a job in that field?

Go yourself or take a friend. She needs a wake up call.

junebirthdaygirl · 21/12/2018 17:42

Its absolutely fine to go to the ballet alone. Although you will probably start to drift off to the beautiful music.
Can you catch 40 winks first. Tell dd..by tect if saves your energy..to have the house back to normal by the time you get back.

Iamtheoneandonly2018 · 21/12/2018 22:45

Did you go?

llangennith · 21/12/2018 23:02

Whether or not you went to the ballet let tomorrow be the day you tell your DD to shape up or ship out. I was pretty lenient with my DC but I wouldn't have put up with that.

Original poster
MozzchopsThirty · 22/12/2018 01:05

I didn't go Sad
I've slept from 5.30 until now
She hasn't even bothered to clear the plates or sink, she just put the cartons in the bin

I sent her an ultimatum email about a month ago detailing all the things I required to stay living at home
She hasn't really done any of them

I'm so reluctant to hurt my dd, she has no other family apart from her biological fathers mother. But it's just so exhausting

Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
MozzchopsThirty · 22/12/2018 01:12

We're supposed to go away together for3 nights on Xmas day
Am considering not bothering wasting any more money

OP posts:
AnxiousMama101 · 22/12/2018 02:02

I'd definitely be saying something to her. She either needs to grow up and respect YOUR house or she moves out with her boyfriend and they find their own place. I'd even charge her more each week if that makes her understand a bit more where you're coming from!

I understand she's your daughter but it's not fair on you coming home to mess and you being expected to clean up. You're the mother; not the maid.

Feefeetrixabelle · 22/12/2018 07:38

Giver her six weeks notice to find a new place. Tell her you just want her to be happy in life and you know your house rules aren’t making her happy and your both making each other miserable so it’s time. And she must be at least 21 so it really is a good time for her to stand on her own two feet now. That’s not hurting her that’s helping her.

Give her notice and see how it goes down. If she kicks off then cancel Christmas and do what’s right for you. If she gets upset tell her the notice still stands but your happy to talk about it again in two weeks if she starts to honour her commitments.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 22/12/2018 07:47

I see you decided not to go but , God, the ballet I went to earlier this week was magical. Yes, I went with family but I'd go again by myself in a heartbeat.

It sounds as if you need to give your DD notice to move out, tbh. When you say you sent her an ultimatum email, what were the stated consequences of not doing the things you asked her to do? Presumably you're going to follow through on them? Otherwise, she knows she's got you exactly where she wants you, and will never change. She has no reason to if you prove to her that it doesn't matter how she treats you, you'll take it.

Original poster
MozzchopsThirty · 22/12/2018 10:44

I walked in the kitchen and she said 'I hope you're going to apologise for the way you spoke to me'

So that's it

I've given her until 31st jan to move out

OP posts:
NoFucksImAQueen · 22/12/2018 11:10

she said that to you? 😮 cheeky fucking madam! what did she say when you told her she has to move out?

Fairylea · 22/12/2018 11:13

She sounds dreadful! ShockShock

purplerainbows · 22/12/2018 11:35

She sounds like an entitled little madam. You've done right, it's the only way she will learn.

FrancisCrawford · 22/12/2018 11:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MozzchopsThirty · 22/12/2018 13:34

She thinks I was out of order

I now have a paid trip to Berlin I can either go on alone or lose it

OP posts:
Original poster
MozzchopsThirty · 22/12/2018 13:37

I did totally lose my shit!

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 22/12/2018 13:45

Find someone else to go to Berlin with you or go alone (I would love a trip away on my own).

BottleOfJameson · 22/12/2018 13:47

I would not go but I'd make her pay me back for the tickets. I would go to bed early, gather some energy and tell her your house isn't an air bnb and she needs to find her own place or help out like a grown up.

BottleOfJameson · 22/12/2018 13:48

Oo missed your update, I would love to go to Berlin alone, or just offer it to a friend for free.

werideatdawn · 22/12/2018 14:11

Go away on your own. No stress just enjoy it. Then make sure you follow through with kicking her out otherwise she'll just keep doing what she wants because she knows you don't mean what you say.

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