To want someone to talk to now.

[NotGoodieTwoShoes]

I have been through the most agonising personal difficulties over the last 3 days. They are linked to something else and I have been trying to find a counsellor to help. Today I have rung 20 counsellors most of who have no vacancies, some have not rung back and others have no vacancies to see me til mid January. Quite happy to pay whatever it costs can anyone recommend an immediate source of support, just while I'm finding it so difficult.

Thank you for recent comments. OW and I are in touch because I had enough details to find her. It was only through this conversation we both discovered the truth. Her first questions to me were about some of the stranger aspects of his sexual repertoire , from which we discovered he behaved exactly the same with us both. It is hard to explain his charm, he has the most beautiful voice and is very gentlemanly in his public demeanour. His health condition is serious but does not affect him much day to day it is to do with his blood and spleen. I am slowly coming to my senses. He has told OW 2 that he will be talking to his wife about an open relationship after Christmas, he has been promising me that for over 7 years. I won't be seeing him again

Really well done for making the decision to not see him again. He sounds a rat. He may be gentlemanly in his ways but that doesn’t make him a gentleman. Don’t get pulled back into this mess. No matter how down your feeling he is not your answer. Trust yourself to do what needs to be done. The people who count here are you and your husband. You need to make some important decisions about what you need to do from here for both your sakes. I hope Christmas isn’t too hard and you can go into 2019 with a new way of thinking.

@NotGoodieTwoShoes
It is not usually going to give a good outcome talking to the OW.
IME, the OW wants you gone just as much as his wife.

It's good to see you know this is wrong an are questioning the relationship with his wife. I suspect his long suffering wife is in a bad way like you, too - but don't forget that you also entered into a relationship with a married man.

I agree that counselling is a priority as men like this take advantage of women like you who have lower self esteem and think this is how a normal relationship works. IT DOES NOT.

In a happy relationship you should never been worried sick about what your partner is doing.

The start on your journey will be to love yourself as you are very much worth it and do not need anyone else to validate your self worth. Everyone is worth something.

I do hope you can speak to someone or take comfort in the responses from others here and know that you can and will do better.

Well now you know how his poor wife would feel if she found out.

FYI having a sexless marriage (if you actually believe him) isn't an excuse to have an affair.