To tell my brother not to come for Xmas bad personal hygiene

[sorrymissjacksonn]

So my brother is 40 he's never had a job constantly gambles instead of buying food he gambles it. His house is dark and dirty he has no friends doesn't go out.

He's now staying at my mums until after Christmas as he has no money or gas and electric I'm hosting Christmas at ours this year my first time owning my own home so I'm very excited.

Don't want to sound snobby because I'm really not but I've got brand new furniture and he stinks really bad. I told mum to invite him at the start but I seen him today and he stunk he's stunk my mums living room out from sleeping on the sofa.

She said he hasn't washed since he's been at hers she went out and brought him boxers and a toothbrush he hasn't even used them.

OH said he doesn't want him their if he's gonna stink which is fair enough.

I'm not being unreasonable am I?

Inviting your brother for Christmas Day is not enabling him. OP, YABVVVU.

a wash is for life, not just for Christmas! by Hmmmbiscuits -
I think you should stick to you guns Op and make it clear to your brother yourself, that dirty body/hair/teeth equals no dinner at your home.

Do you know if he actually wants to spend Christmas with family? Doesn't seem like it and he'd rather be on his own. Let him do that. Pop round to his before Christmas with a present, stay a short while then leave.

KnobZombie7 - why the f*ck should she? What if she doesn't want to? What if she's already got her schedule worked out just fine?

Yeah I won't be doing that I know he doesn't really want to come because it's out of his comfort zone.
The closer the days get I don't really want him here think me and oh are going to be really uncomfortable.

Op I’ve suffered from severe depression and ptsd. Lack of self care almost goes hand in hand with these. But it arises from lack of self motivation. But no matter how depressed you are you can’t expect other people to suffer he would like he is a bit of a selfish prick and mental illness shouldn’t be used as an excuse for that. Go round tell him that he needs to have a wash he needs to change his clothes, his lack of self care is affecting others. Ask him if he needs help, you can’t help him if he doesn’t want help. But you can’t be expected to wreck your christmas

My brother was like this, he was drinking heavily, not washing, not eating not doing anything but drink.

He overheard my grandma ask my mum to make sure he washed before our grandads funeral and that made him realise how bad he had got.

He's clean now, in all ways ❤️
Maybe this is the kick up the bum he needs

I'd get the mental health team involved and try to get him into hospital
Youve got no chance, being unwashed isnt a diagnosis

Inviting your brother for Christmas Day is not enabling him.

Excusing adults from basic hygiene and consideration of others is absolutely enabling them. OP is willing to invite him. If he showers.

Wonkysack Go back and RTFT.

I don't think hospitalisation has the slightest chance of happening. OP hasn't said anything to suggest major depression other than the fact that he doesn't wash. Which is also common with addictions, and he clearly has a gambling addiction. It sounds less like he's severely depressed and more like he just can't be arsed to wash because it takes away from gambling time. Forget washing, late stage alcoholics often stop eating almost entirely because they just don't care about food, but that doesn't make them anorexic, in the classical sense anyway.

Gambling addiction isn't treated in hospital. Even alcoholism wouldn't be treated in hospital unless the addict was actively seeking to get clean themselves. I doubt there is anything much OP can do for her brother... Except not enable him and ruin her own Christmas.

I won’t be able to have him in my house. I would feel sick because of smell and my DD could be physically sick seeing him washing his beard or something like this.
Also do you trust him enough to have him in the house if he has gambling problems? My DH would be against for this exact reason.

Has someone told him under no uncertain terms that he needs to wash and clean his clothes because it's unpleasant and unfair for others to be around?

Dropping hints by buying new clothes doesn't work. I had a situation with a colleague in the summer during the heat wave where he wore the same clothes for 3 weeks and did not wash, his desk, computer and locker was covered in grime. He was eventually told that he had to was and come in in clean clothes or he was sent home and has been better since. He has ASD so it was a sensitive situation but compassion and tact only goes so far when you have to be subjected to it every single day.

He needs to know how upsetting it is for people around him and if he still chooses to come unwashed then he is being selfish.

I don't know if he is just lazy or is depressed though.
He's started a few jobs and they've told him of and he's never gone back again.
He's never been in work for longer than a week.

He has dreadlocks as well and he doesn't wash them it's just disgusting.