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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a little annoyed

45 replies

OnNaturesCourse · 21/12/2018 08:59

Been told today, while in a large group of people, that I need to start 'saying no' more and being stricter with my child as 'the tantrums' and reactions to not getting what they want are starting 'too early'. Basically my child is getting spolit and has a temper because of it.

For reference my child is under 18 months, and understands the word 'no' (.. And thus knows they aren't getting what they want so will occasionally protest) A so called tantrum is dealt with by either distraction or ignoring it. I do admit that my child does have a temper, but in no means does it get them what they want. I kind of figure that a temper is something my child will need to learn to manage as they get older, but it's not something a child this young knows much about?

Surely its up to me how I raise my child!? I think that at this age all children react in similar way to not getting their own way? I must say 'no' often enough to them if they know what it means!?

AIBU to tell this person to piss off next time, or is it really unusual for children this young to have tantrums?

OP posts:
Newdad19 · 21/12/2018 09:00

Tell them to fuck off.

Absolutely normal toddler behaviour.

Original poster
OnNaturesCourse · 21/12/2018 09:01

For mumsnet advertising, Facebook and journalists etc - I do not wish this post to go on any other website.

OP posts:
Stormwhale · 21/12/2018 09:02

It has been scientifically proven that distraction helps toddlers learn to regulate their emotions. At first they need you to provide the distraction, which calms them and makes them feel better. They then go on to learn how to seek a distraction themselves instead. You are doing nothing wrong at all.

Distraction and comforting are all that are necessary for a child this young. Anything else is pointless.

mortifiedmama · 21/12/2018 09:08

Normal toddler behaviour. Some kids kick up more of fuss about 'no' than others, it's just personality.

jessstan2 · 21/12/2018 09:58

People really should not talk about your child like that, he or she is still so little! Maybe they've forgotten what young ones are like - and they were probably like it themselves. I bet plenty of us weren't little angels.

Take no notice, woman's an idiot.

Original poster
OnNaturesCourse · 21/12/2018 14:55

I didn't like my child being spoken about like that, plus I felt a little bit attacked myself.

First time Mum so im learning as I go!

OP posts:
peakSafeSpace · 21/12/2018 15:27

Nothing wrong with them having an opinion and sharing it. You've said your child has a temper. You current methods of dealing with it aren't working (your own admission).

"For mumsnet advertising, Facebook and journalists etc - I do not wish this post to go on any other website."

Confused

What?

Original poster
OnNaturesCourse · 21/12/2018 15:34

Never had a mumsnet post shared on mumsnet Facebook page, or daily mail? Happened to me a few times and I don't agree with it, I post on mumsnet not Facebook. 🙄

My child does have a temper but I can't see how you can expect a very young toddler to control it all the time, surely it's a learning curve?

I guess I'd just rather the opinion was raised with me and not a group of people.

OP posts:
Elphie54 · 21/12/2018 15:36

Raise your child how you want, but don’t be surprised if other parents choose not to set up play dates or have their child around your child.

Original poster
OnNaturesCourse · 21/12/2018 15:41

😂 That's perfectly OK.

I didn't start this post to get parenting tips, or comments like that. I asked if I was being unreasonable in wanting to tell the person to piss off, and if tantrums in a young toddler normal? As according the person it's not and tantrums shouldn't start until around 2 or older.

OP posts:
Thentherewascake · 21/12/2018 15:42

No one cares about your children tantrums, don't worry you won't end up in the DM. FB page, possibly, but that's part of MN.

No one should comment on anyone's parenting, it's never well received.
That said, it's not normal toddler behaviour to throw tantrums all the time for no reason, it's usually lazy parents who can't be bothered to manage their kids to a) prevent a tantrum b) stop them.
If someone made a comment, it is likely your child is a pain.

Meralia · 21/12/2018 15:43

I’d tell them to piss off. My DS is 18 months and going through a biting and hitting phase, I’m handling it appropriately but my mother keeps saying how he is going to be a bruiser when he’s older and how vicious he is, what a troublemaker he will be etc...I already feel shit enough as it is and it’s not helpful!

Original poster
OnNaturesCourse · 21/12/2018 15:45

OK. Point taken, but I never said my child throws tantrums all the time. Just that my child will occasionally protest at being told no - I thought this was normal, however I now see that it's apparently not so my question is answered, thanks.

I can see the mumsnet army starting up already so I'm just gonna leave this post at this.

OP posts:
Thentherewascake · 21/12/2018 15:50

you ask a question, it sounds a bit petulant not to like the answer.

Tells us all we need to know about your child's tantrums!

Elphie54 · 21/12/2018 15:51

As a pp said-looks like we know where your child got his attitude from.

Meralia · 21/12/2018 15:52

Toddler tantrums are very normal. My DS has some right crazy tants! It’s hard for them not being able to communicate through words and it gets quite frustrating for them, we have proper body floor tantrums, screeching, head banging tantrums here... I’m on my 3rd child, my older two used to do this and are fine responsible teenagers now.

Thentherewascake · 21/12/2018 15:54

proper body floor tantrums, screeching, head banging tantrums here.
that's not normal!

Elphie54 · 21/12/2018 15:58

“we have proper body floor tantrums, screeching, head banging tantrums here... ”

That is not normal at all!!!

Meralia · 21/12/2018 16:02

Not all at the same time!

No one else’s baby has hit their head on their cot or the sofa when having a tantrum?

Or gone onto the floor when they can’t have something?

Justanotherlurker · 21/12/2018 16:03

For mumsnet advertising, Facebook and journalists etc - I do not wish this post to go on any other website.

HAHA, I wonder if this type of self importance is inherent.....

You cannot stop anyone relinking this thread or anything.

Birdsgottafly · 21/12/2018 16:09

A child under 18 months old isn't learning to self regulate, yet.

At that young, there's little that can be done, other than distracting them and setting things up so the expectations aren't too much for them.

A lot is down to personality.

That person doesn't know what they are talking about and needs to be told that.

Birdsgottafly · 21/12/2018 16:11

Thentherewascake, Yes it is. Some children are more hot tempered and reactionary than others.

swingofthings · 21/12/2018 16:16

My DS had the worse tantrum at th a age when told no. He turned into a lovy boy used as an example by his teachers.

He is now a typical teenager but xerysiy jit acting spoilt. Like you, I picked him up on his behaviour when little but some kids have their tantrum earlier than others. My OH still hasn't grown out of them :)

Reallybadidea · 21/12/2018 16:16

@Thentherewascake and @Elphie54

Not normal eh? And you're basing this on what exactly?

I can't say for certain that such tantrums are normal but I can say that my children had some right humdingers when they were toddlers but they grew out of it and are perfectly nice adults/children.

Thentherewascake · 21/12/2018 16:23

No one else’s baby has hit their head on their cot or the sofa when having a tantrum?

no...
I wouldn't have let them going to that stage and neither would anyone I know. It's call parenting. It does take work not to let your kids throw a scene in public.