Weird things in relationships that work which could be seen as red flags.

[NomsQualityStreets]

Just curious if people have their own stories.

So my DP told me he loved me on the first date.

Whilst it could sound like a bit of a red flag out of context we've actually known each other pretty well for 2 years at that time blissfully unaware the other had feelings for each other and both thinking we can't be together due to a bit of a complicated backstory. So when he finally asked me out on a date after a drunken snog on a night out he Says that he knew how he felt and what he wanted so he told me he loved me. 7 years and 2 DCs on we are still going strong.

I've been recently thinking about the fact that if someone heard me say just the first part they might be all 🚩 🚩 🚩 but hearing the context makes more sense.

Has anyone else got things that would potentially sound weird or worrying if they were overheard out of context?

Think you’re opening a can of worms here!
My loving dh of 20+ years calls me ugly or lazy in public sometimes. I know he’s joking but other people might take it literally?

My loving dh of 20+ years calls me ugly or lazy in public sometimes

Gosh, really? And he has you believing he is 'joking'? Men that do this are not joking.

At 22, I moved in with my husband after seeing him for two weeks. We were talking about getting married (we did postpone that for a couple years because we didn't want to freak out our families). He was having money troubles so I loaned him £200 to pay some bills. I dropped off the face of the earth friends-wise too. This was twenty years ago, we're still very happy together and we have two children now.

I’ve been called lazy in public many a time. ‘‘Tis true, sadly. I’m a lazy fucker.

'Men that do this are not joking'

Except when they are joking.

@Morgan12 don’t be so silly, men aren’t allowed to joke about anything ever remember?

My and dh have pink and blue jobs in the house. All very stereotypical but it works (plus there are more blue than pink jobs)

If someone heard my DH call me daft cow (or see him rush to see and heard him ask if im ok) and not realised I'd cut myself prepping food, burnt self getting food out of oven, dropped something on the floor / my foot, tripped over thin air, stubbed my toe....see a pattern here.....extremely clumsy.

Also the one time when he forgot the dining chair needed fixing (been tekking him for two weekss!) He sat on it , it collapsed i said look what you and your fat ass did! ..he no where near overweight he is a gym freak... to an outsider overhearing or misinterpreting these could see like red flags I guess. My mum calls us awful because we always call each other names and says if someone who doesn't know you as well as we do it could be seen in a different light...but then she will usually say something along the same lines to one of us herself. She and dh have a great relationship and always have banter themselves, he says if I leave him he is running off with my mum because she is cooler than me the CF

I should've been a huge red flag to DH.... within 6 months of seeing each other, we were looking at flats to buy together. Even though I was in a load of debt and couldn't afford "my half". We had joint bank accounts from the day we moved in.
This was back in the days you could get 100% mortgages etc

12 years later we are still together. Still financially irresponsible but very nearly debt free (aprt from the mortgage)

(That's joint debt, not the debt I had 12 years ago. That was paid off ages ago)

I do his laundry..

Ho ho ho rosemary, what a wag you lucky thing.

The way we talk to each other would be seen as a red flag by some but it's a language we've developed over time and us mutual (calling each other idiots or stupud, calling him my second child etc) but it's a laugh tonus, never serious.

We met online and he asked me to move in 6 weeks later.
I know lots of people judged and worried, but we just knew. It's "only" been 7 years, married for 5 with a 3 yo and trying for no2. No regrets.

Except when they are joking.

What is the actual joke?

My husband refuses to engage with me when I'm mad at him - he rolls his eyes, tells me I'm being ridiculous, walks away and ignores me. Some people would think he's gaslighting me or being controlling/passive-aggressive. It can be very frustrating.

But... it's exactly what I need. I have BPD and can be completely irrationally wound up by small things. His walking away gives me time to calm down, get my thoughts straight and if I still think the issue is worth discussing when I'm calmer, we can actually discuss it without escalating and hurling insults at each other. It took a fair few screaming matches and breakups with ex partners to work out that it often makes things worse.

sackrifice people have different senses of humour and couples often have inside jokes. Like when I ask DH if he's used his eyes that see, in a patronising voice. An outsider would see me as a total bitch, but it's an in joke that's come about over time.

@sackrifice my husband and I call each other all sorts. It’s just banter. I would imagine that a passer by who heard us might think we were on the brink of divorce. We’re very happy together, just enjoy teasing each other.

I do all the housework and dh works full time. I deal with all the money and give dh and I the same amount of “spending money” each. On paper we are very much a 1950s set up, other people think we’re mad but it works for us - we both respect each other and see each other as equals. I wouldn’t want dh doing anything round the house as I’m a pefectionist and I like the way I do things.

Oops that was meant to be a

There's an age gap of 25 years between me and DP. We met 10 years ago when I was in my mid-twenties. A lot of raised eyebrows at the time but we're very happy and it's an equal relationship, he's just a regular decent guy, no previous marriage or children, I genuinely think he just hadn't met the right person until I came along. It took a while to convince people around me that he wasn't some kind of father figure or even predator.

people have different senses of humour and couples often have inside jokes

No really?

She said specifically that he called her ugly and lazy in public. Not an inside joke, not banter. Just abuse.

Can't ever see the punchline there.

God, imagine not being able to joke with your partner or wind each other up 🙄

DP always jokes that my boobs are small, but then also calls them saggy bags of sand - he loves my boobs so is obviously a joke. He has a lot of junk in the trunk so I joke about that, but I love his peachy bum. The only way I can describe it is making the other feel better about their insecurities, cos it's obviously not true, but after when you say no I love xyz about you, it's sincere if you know what I mean. Hard to put into words. It's not really like that horrible thing where it's said men say horrible things to knock you down a peg or 2 after giving you a compliment.

Anyway mine is (and I've name changed cos it might be a bit outing) that I moved to the other side of the world to be with DP when we weren't even in a proper relationship. We loved each other but hadn't ever given things a proper go and were very on and off prior to him moving away. He was meant to come back but wanted to stay longer so asked me to go. I knew I would regret not going so I did, gave up my job and everything. 8 years later, we are engaged, have our own home (back in the UK) and a 2 year old.

I met dh 5 weeks after the break up of a long term relationship. I was still very much not over it but really enjoyed his company.

It was quite a head fuck trying to work out, as time went on, if I genuinely liked him or if it was just rebound. I was in no state of mind for a physical relationship so waited ages before we dtd. That was about 20 years ago.

My DH asked me to marry him before we had even started dating and it was before he had left his ex!

@sackrifice I think she knows her partner, relationship and the joking manner in which she says he says it in more than you do.