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Original poster

To ask if you are a teacher, do you judge children by their siblings?

60 replies

Starchristmas · 20/12/2018 22:18

Just that really, honestly?

I've got a child starting school in 2019. Older sibling went through our local school and has now left. Doing fine in KS3.

Dc1 had a few problems at the school, nothing too serious, low level stuff like getting easily distracted, chatting in class. All pretty much ironed out by the time they left, never got in serious trouble or anything like that.

On the whole dc1 has a happy time at the school, but at times lots of things could have gone better. Things dc could have done better, things I could have done better and things that the school could have done better.

I'm looking at sending dc2 to the school however I don't want them to be prejudged based on their older sibling. I want them to have every chance in their own right as an individual.

They're very different children so I'd hope they'd be treated as such.

OP posts:
KeepServingTheFestiveSnogs · 21/12/2018 01:31

I kind of think schools DO do this, but not in a bad way, and not in ways you'd expect as a parent.

Most PPs with experience on this thread seem to work in secondary schools, which are generally very big.

I work in primaries (but not a teacher), which are smaller and parents are on site more (collecting and dropping off), so we know the families a bit better, maybe?

Teachers don't judge, but in primary they are generally aware of older sib if that child stands out in any way. So if you have a super-bright older child, or a child that will walk out of class, or a child which will always get into fights on the playground, then other teachers will be aware of that if they get a younger sibling. It isn't really discussed, but teachers will be aware, almost by osmosis. They don't judge, but they will be aware.

But rather than siblings, it tends to be parents that staff are more aware of. So, if older child's parents have NEVER seen their child perform in assembly, (for example) then that information will generally be passed down so that the class teacher can support the upset child.

Happyandshiney · 21/12/2018 01:33

I’m very interested that everyone has said “no”, but I’m the younger sibling and I was definitely pre- judged on the basis of my older sibling’s character.

I had friends that were too.

I have twins so it does impact us because teachers encounter them st the same time.

Happyandshiney · 21/12/2018 01:35

Sorry doesn’t impact us.

XmasHolly · 21/12/2018 01:37

I was definitely judged on my brother's behaviour and attitude in school. I remember overhearing my form teacher talking to another teacher and saying "I've got another [surname] this year" SIGH. He and I are as chalk and cheese. Angry

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 21/12/2018 03:22

Teachers at my sons school do, definitely!
No 3 son behaves like an arse and no 4 son gets disciplined!
Also when DD was at the same school, a teacher "stalked" no3 son because she had a problem with DD, and got really weird with him... It can happen!

peakSafeSpace · 21/12/2018 03:40

Another one who wouldn't care or judge. Dickhead parents are remembered.

I usually do know siblings.

It doesn't sound as though your eldest was bad enough for it to be an issue.

Bumbalaya · 21/12/2018 06:39

I do worry if the parent has been disengaged from their part of the home school agreement with the first sibling or if they've been hyper engaged to the point of nit-picking, but children are all so different and in my experience siblings are often complete chalk and cheese.

FairfaxAikman · 21/12/2018 06:45

Forgot siblings, I got judged by a couple of teachers because of my dad and his brothers.
Luckily I was not as much of a pain as them but the perils of a small town and a unique surname!

Rockbird · 21/12/2018 06:52

Interesting question as we were talking about this yesterday. We have a family at the school, sibling 1 (now left) was a holy terror and by all accounts still is. Sibling 2 still at school and is a holy terror. Sibling 3 is in reception and a lovely child but there's definitely an air of us waiting for them to be a holy terror although of course we'll be delighted if that isn't the case. So no judgement or different treatment, just a sort of...anticipation! Wink

Onlyjoinedforthisthread · 21/12/2018 06:58

Another here who was judged on cousin's behaviour. I wonder if any teachers will admit doing it.

dragonsteeth · 21/12/2018 07:15

I was judged in sixth form on my brothers behaviour, but in a positive way.

My brother was hard working and went above and beyond to improve facilities at the school, to the point they named a prize after him.

When I rocked to do my a-levels, staff were delighted I was there based purely on who my brother was and seemed to turn a blind eye to almost all of my bad behaviour.

toolazytothinkofausername · 21/12/2018 07:24

I was in year 10 when my sister started year 7. Only when I was in year 11 teachers found out who my sister was. I then had the rest of the year being constantly asked why I wasn't good like my sister Angry I told them being good is good, but being bad is better Grin

AnotherPidgey · 21/12/2018 07:51

(Secondary) I've taught siblings and twins without realising. Sometimes I'm aware, but they are all individuals. I remember a pair of siblings in consecutive school years. The older one was a delight, not academically strong, but keen and willing... the sibling followed and seemed to be on a mission to get permanently excluded by Christmas. Fortunately they did start improving. It was a shock to the staff how wildly different they were.

My DCs get muddled. Small age gap, small school so encounter the same staff. Look similar. Overlaping areas of interest and aptitude but to differing extents. Different personalities, one more serious and earnest, one more sunny. I muddle them up, so I'm not surprised that it happens in school too. I've been asked more than a few times if they are twins by random people!

swingofthings · 21/12/2018 07:57

Everyone here saying no but it does certainly happens all 5hectime. Sadly my DS has been at the end of it. DD excelled at the local average comprehensive school and got a place to study medicine, the first in a long time, if not ever. She was also very bubbly and confident. DS is also very clever but not in the same way as DD and not much interested in sciences. A few teachers, especially one, is regularly comparing him to her and one even said in front of the whole class 'such a pity you can't be more like your sister'. Was supposed to be in a joky way but DS who has always been in the shadow of his sister took it as yet another knock to his self esteem. Thankfully after raising it at parents evening, this has dropped although there is still the odd comment. DSs favourite subject is history which DD didn't take and I think that's one of the reasons.

Discussing it with other parents, it is sadly much more common than it should be.

pointythings · 21/12/2018 08:03

I think it happens. Certainly DD2 gets a little stressed by the expectations placed on her based on DD1. They are both very academic but in very different areas. At least teachers seem happy to have 'another pointy girl'.

Daffodil77 · 21/12/2018 08:03

At secondary school, I was called by my sister's name constantly by her old form tutor. But we didn't have any other of the same teachers as dsis only did a levels there.

At college, one teacher definitely expected my friend to be as bright and hard working as her sister. However this just added to her rebellion. Same teacher didn't realise that my brother and I were related (very uncommon surname) despite her being his form tutor for 2 years and him being a very memorable person. As soon as I said to her (after a year of teaching me) his name came out straight away with a look of shock as we were very different. So it can go either way.

I think it's impossible for teachers not to be mindful of siblings but that doesn't mean they will prejudge the second one.

tillytrotter1 · 21/12/2018 08:08

Judge, no, have expectations maybe, teachers are human after all! Those who say they've never read the list of names and thought Oh God, not another of those, is being a little naive!
Hopefully if your first child had some behaviour issues, and chatting in class, 'being easily distracted' ie disturbing others is poor behaviour however it's glossed over. you'll be better placed to support the school.

jxnx · 21/12/2018 08:12

My kids are all so very different it has been pointed out by teachers but not in a negative way (tbf they have fantastic teachers pointing out their strengths all very positive) eldest DC does get the odd comparison to me on occasion as she attends my previous secondary school, thankfully I watched more the quiet nerdy type and not a hell raiser lol

lisaorris99 · 21/12/2018 08:16

I’m a secondary teacher.

I have so many pupils that learning their first names is hard enough - I wouldn’t even register surnames and who might be related. And even if I did, I wouldn’t compare siblings or have any preconceived views about them.

I actually have two pupils sat next to each other in one class that I only realised last week were brothers! They don’t look alike at all - I assume they might be twins or perhaps one is adopted. Who knows - doesn’t matter at all to me as a teacher.

haba · 21/12/2018 08:27

People try not to have expectations, but I find they can't help it, particularly when the first child is exceptional in some way (for behaviour, academics, positive or negative).
It has taken DD having left for 15 months before teachers have actually noticed anything about her brother- teachers at parents' evening actually admitted to us they knew nothing about him Sad
Their expectation is he'll be just like her...

Knittink · 21/12/2018 08:29

No, because any teacher with any sense knows full well how completely different siblings can be.

HoneysuckIejasmine · 21/12/2018 08:32

No, but I have had to talk to a few about not comparing themselves to their siblings. Defeatist "well, I'll never do as well as them so why bother" sort of thing.

smerlin · 21/12/2018 08:50

No but I would have it in the back of my mind if a sibling came from a parent who had been rude to me in the past.

As we see so many siblings, it is always interesting that some can be very alike and some you would have no idea at all they were related from their behaviour, interests or appearance.

frogsoup · 21/12/2018 08:54

How can people not know they are teaching twins for the entire year? Doesn't it become rather obvious at parents evening and (in primary) at pickup time? Confused

Haskell · 21/12/2018 08:58

Probably secondary school, frog!
I thought we had twins, identical looking, similar abilities/skills/knowledge... one day I saw their DoBs- nope, they were born 11 mo apart! Blush

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