Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed my partner wants to do overtime at work on xmas day?!

36 replies

Applecrumble79 · 20/12/2018 21:23

I feel slightly miffed that my partner of 2 years has chosen to go to work on xmas day. We don’t live together so he will spend the morning with his son, visit his mum for a couple of hours then go to work at 4pm until around midnight. He said he will come stay at mine after work but it’s not the same.

I feel like he has put me last. He said he can pop in before work to give me my gift but I declined to be awkward . It’s just got right on my nerves. I told him I can’t stop him but not 100% happy about it. He says he would never stop me from doing overtime.

I’m not stopping him I’m just not happy with it. Makes me feel like last priority. Am I over reacting.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 20/12/2018 21:25

His son should be his first priority. That’s absolutely right.

You don’t live together.

Haven’t you discussed this before now? Christmas is only five days away.

Original poster
Applecrumble79 · 20/12/2018 21:26

Yes we discussed it a couple of weeks ago and he said he wasn’t going. Now he’s changed his mind

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 20/12/2018 21:28

Is he desperate for the money?

WheresTheEvidence · 20/12/2018 21:31

I've chosen to work Christmas as it's extra pay in my pay check. Can always celebrate boxing day

Thomlin · 20/12/2018 21:32

We have a rule in my family that everyone gets to choose what they want to do and where they want to go and no one is judged for it. I stick to this with boyfriends too. Brother goes to inlaws instead of our fams, fine we'll see him on boxing day. Boyfriend wants to go with his family instead of my family, fine we see eachother boxing day.

Seriously this approach saves so much drama and negativity. If your boyfriend wants to do overtime then that's his choice really isn't it? If I didn't have my kids I'd sign up for overtime too, its double pay plus a days holiday. I also think it's quite right that his child has priority over you, as a pp said you don't live together.

Singletomingle · 20/12/2018 21:32

What does he do? Has he got special reasons maybe doing a favour for a colleague or was he even given a choice, I know I was once told work or be sacked. Is it a case of extra pay and he needs the money? Could you go to him Christmas morning?

Nicknacky · 20/12/2018 21:33

So you would have seen him but have cut your nose off to spite your face?

Plenty of people want/need the money and for many the joy of Christmas day has gone by 4pm.

Original poster
Applecrumble79 · 20/12/2018 21:37

Thanks for comments. I wouldn’t expect anything else in regards to is child. My issue is around the overtime. I know I can’t stop him but I’m not gona say to him I’m happy about it when I’m a bit bothered.

OP posts:
Redskyandrainbows67 · 20/12/2018 21:38

I’d think other woman! But I’m a suspicious person!
No one chooses to work overtime on Xmas day

Nicknacky · 20/12/2018 21:39

So why not see him before work?

TBH for many people it is just another day.

PurpleDaisies · 20/12/2018 21:39

No one chooses to work overtime on Xmas day

Rubbish. Plenty of people are seduced by the extra cash,

Original poster
Applecrumble79 · 20/12/2018 21:39

@singletomingle he’s an engineer. It was totally his choice to go. I might consider your suggestion of going to him. I didn’t think of that

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 20/12/2018 21:39

red Errr yes, they do.

Sirzy · 20/12/2018 21:40

Tbh as long as kids are sorted then I don’t blame him for doing overtime.

WallisFrizz · 20/12/2018 21:42

Loads of people choose to work Christmas Day if it means a fat pay packet.

If everything else is good between you, don’t take it personally.

hamburgers · 20/12/2018 21:42

@Redskyandrainbows67 wtf? Yes they do. Me included when I was younger and single and preferred the extra cash than hang out with my extended family.

OP you don't live together or have DC together so I think you're getting upset over nothing. Celebrate together on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day.

Redskyandrainbows67 · 20/12/2018 21:42

There is def something up here - I would feel miffed too.
He’s chosen his son (rightly) his mum and his work over you. He could have invited you to see his son too or go to his mums with him.

My instinct would be he’s spending Xmas dinner and eve with someone else. I’m sorry.

Nicknacky · 20/12/2018 21:43

red have you missed thatnhe tried to see the op and she has refused?

I’m astounded that you have jumped to that conclusion.

Redskyandrainbows67 · 20/12/2018 21:43

He’s an engineer - he’s not a person on a low wage looking for double pay
And he had a girlfriend who clearly wants to celebrate the day with him

BarbaraofSevillle · 20/12/2018 21:44

It depends, some places pay a lot extra, or give extra time off in lieu. Or maybe he'll earn brownie points at work for picking up an unpopular shift?

As he is seeing his DS and DM on the day anyway, it's not like the OP can spend all day with him, but surely they have other days off over the Christmas period that they can spend a special day together? I don't understand why it has to be 'on the day' when a bit of flexibilty goes a long way to fitting everything in.

Redskyandrainbows67 · 20/12/2018 21:44

Nick - sadly just experience

PurpleDaisies · 20/12/2018 21:45

He’s an engineer - he’s not a person on a low wage looking for double pay

My doctor friends do locum shifts on Christmas Day for extra cash.

You’re determined to turn this into something more dramatic based on nothing at all.

Nicknacky · 20/12/2018 21:46

red And your experience is clouding your judgement. The fact he is presumably well paid doesn’t mean he doesn’t want the money.

Redskyandrainbows67 · 20/12/2018 21:46

Not looking for drama at all! I hope I’m wrong. Just calling it as I see it. I would be upset if my boyfriend planned to see his mum on Xmas day but not me. Op isn’t on his priority list.

greendale17 · 20/12/2018 21:47

Not all engineers get paid decent salary.