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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to let her cry...

49 replies

Ragh · 20/12/2018 19:39

DD is nearly 3. Had her and 4 month old DS on my lap for bedtime stories. He put his hand in her mouth, she bit him enough to leave teeth marks.
She's been on the naughty spot, we've had a chat and she understands what she did was wrong and had apologised to him. I've sent her to bed without finishing the story as punishment but did the rest of our routine. She's howling for the rest of her story. DH (at work) thinks I should finish it after sorting her brother. Thoughts?
To avoid a drip feed we'd already read one short book and the half finished one is the Nativity, so she knows how it ends!

OP posts:

FLOWER1982 · 20/12/2018 19:40

Yabu. I agree with your oh.

UhUhUhDennis · 20/12/2018 19:40

I am a bit of a mean mum I guess but i would let her cry,she needs to Know it's not ok. Of I felt really bad i would go and settle her and give her a cuddle but either way I would not finish the story. Biting is awful.

jessstan2 · 20/12/2018 19:41

Just carry on as you are. She won't do that again.
All back to normal tomorrow.

Pinkyponker · 20/12/2018 19:42

I think if you go up and read the story after telling her you won't you could be setting the idea to her that you'll not stick to your punishments etc.
I would however go up and explain to her again why she can't have the story finished tonight and tell her you will finish it tomorrow night providing she behaves

Sassypants82 · 20/12/2018 19:43

If she did the naughty step, you discussed it & she apologised then why are you punishing further? You're sending a message that despite her 'paying', apologising & talking it through, she's still being punished.

I think that should have been the end of it.

MaryH90 · 20/12/2018 19:44

I would just let her cry it out tbh. You’ve laid out the consequences of her actions and to go back in there and finish the story now would show her you won’t stick to your word. I know it feels awful but pays off in the long run x

Santaispackinghissleigh · 20/12/2018 19:44

Ds 4 had no story the other night for swearing. He came to no harm.

Birdsgottafly · 20/12/2018 19:44

You've punished her twice, once on the naughty spot and by not finishing the story.

Was she good for the rest of the Bedtime routine?

I would have asked her to show me how good she really was during the routine, then you can finish the story.

This stage will pass and tbh, all the crying she's doing isn't solving anything, or going to improve her behaviour.

Thesearmsofmine · 20/12/2018 19:45

The punishment was the naughty step so yes I would have finished the story instead of dragging it out.

NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 20/12/2018 19:46

YANBU. She’ll get the picture that when you bite someone all the fun stops.

DS went through a small biting phase to my horror. He was too little to properly grasp exactly why he shouldn’t so I watched him like a hawk and if he did bite (or attempt to) we upped and left immediately. I only had to do it two or three times and the message got through.

AuntMarch · 20/12/2018 19:47

I wouldn't finish it now, because you told her you wouldn't.
Next time I wouldn't add another punishment after time out though

Littleraindrop15 · 20/12/2018 19:47

Don't go back on your words

Snowydaysaregreat · 20/12/2018 19:49

Just tell her you'll finish it in the morning if she goes to sleep like a good girl

Kariana · 20/12/2018 19:50

I agree with Sassypants and others.bthere shouldn't be two punishments.

However, as you've actually said it now you shouldn't go back on your word so you'll have to leave her to cry for tonight.

BigBairyHollocks · 20/12/2018 19:52

No way should you read her the rest,she’ll think you will give in in future if you do.

Original poster

Ragh · 20/12/2018 19:52

She was told when put on the naughty spot that we wouldn't be finishing the story because biting is VERY naughty behaviour, as is being unkind to her brother. Nearly finished feeding him so going have to decide soon... she's been crying over 30 mins now

OP posts:

Bumbumtaloo · 20/12/2018 19:53

I think you’ve backed yourself into a corner. I would have finished the story because, as others have said, the punishment was the naughty spot. But you can’t back down now.

Pissedoffdotcom · 20/12/2018 19:54

Why two punishments?? Okay biting is shit but she did it once, and was punished with time out. Why no story? All she will learn is she gets punished multiple times when she does wrong

Armadillostoes · 20/12/2018 19:57

YABU but have boxed yourself into a corner. It was a mistake to punish her twice. Also disrupting the bedtime routine and using it as part of a punishment is a bad move, as it tends to unsettle a child, which then has a knock on effect on sleep. But threatening a sanction and not following it through is also not ideal. Least worst option here is probably to finish the story.

MadameJosephine · 20/12/2018 19:57

If she’s been crying for 30 minutes I’d go and give her a big cuddle and tell her you love her but are disappointed with her behaviour and explain again why she can’t have the story tonight but you’ll finish it tomorrow. I’d be kind but I wouldn’t back down.

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 20/12/2018 20:00

I wouldn't finish it now, because you told her you wouldn't.
Next time I wouldn't add another punishment after time out though

This.

Also, while biting isn't nice, I would be keeping an eye on the long game of helping her adjust to sharing you with a new sibling.

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 20/12/2018 20:01

For tonight, I think perhaps stick to your guns, or else find a way to change your mind which doesn't say "you wore me down"

For another time, I think one punishment is plenty. She's only 3

woolduvet · 20/12/2018 20:03

Give her the book to look through and say you'll read it tomorrow.

ShawshanksRedemption · 20/12/2018 20:05

From your DDs point of view, she had her baby brothers hand accidentally put in her mouth. Yes it was wrong to bite but she's 4 and, as she is no longer the youngest with your undivided attention, she may have just felt angry/surprised that it happened and feel it's unjustified she was punished twice but baby brother was not (not saying he should, just saying how she may feel in her 4 yr old mind).

I'd stick to what you said about the story, but go and spend some time with her, reassure her you still love her, and maybe move the focus on to what lovely things are planned tomorrow (maybe some 1:1 time with mum?).

Excited101 · 20/12/2018 20:06

You said it, you stick to it. Biting does need dealing with very clearly and firmly.

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