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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to let her cry...

49 replies

Ragh · 20/12/2018 19:39

DD is nearly 3. Had her and 4 month old DS on my lap for bedtime stories. He put his hand in her mouth, she bit him enough to leave teeth marks.
She's been on the naughty spot, we've had a chat and she understands what she did was wrong and had apologised to him. I've sent her to bed without finishing the story as punishment but did the rest of our routine. She's howling for the rest of her story. DH (at work) thinks I should finish it after sorting her brother. Thoughts?
To avoid a drip feed we'd already read one short book and the half finished one is the Nativity, so she knows how it ends!

OP posts:

ShawshanksRedemption · 20/12/2018 20:06

Sorry, just read she's almost 3!

Alb1 · 20/12/2018 20:09

I'd finish the story and give her a cuddle. Yes she was naughty, but she's only little and she's already had 2 punishments, it's not like she approached him and attacked out of nastyness so I don't think it's worth letting her cry herself to sleep. She might feel guilty about hurting the baby too, so that and having mummy so angry, and naughty step, and no story, and nobody coming when she cries just seems OTT to be honest.

oflow · 20/12/2018 20:10

I would go to to her, she's very young.

steff13 · 20/12/2018 20:10

I wouldn't finish it now, because you told her you wouldn't.
Next time I wouldn't add another punishment after time out though

Same. I think the naughty spot and apology were enough, but you said no story, so no story.

HumpHumpWhale · 20/12/2018 20:10

I'd at least go in and comfort her. She's not even 3, she's a baby.

FuckingYuleLog · 20/12/2018 20:10

I probably would have just stopped the story, given my attention to the little one and then said she’d have to sit on the bed next to me for the story instead of on my knee so I could keep the baby safe and finished the story. Relate it to what happened. I wouldn’t have bothered with naughty spots or forced apologies.
Considering where you are now though I wouldn’t read the story but I’d go in and comfort her.

elibee · 20/12/2018 20:12

I probably wouldn't finish the story but why would you leave a 2yo crying for half an hour??

Andro · 20/12/2018 20:12

I think the second punishment - not finishing the book - is too separated from the misdeed. Your DD is a toddler, she isn't going to be able to process the link between the book and what she did - the time lapse to too great.

abbsisspartacus · 20/12/2018 20:13

Are you breastfeeding? Is that why you can't go in to her

MynameisJune · 20/12/2018 20:18

I wouldn’t have dealt with it that way to begin with but you can’t go back on your word now.

Saying that I think you’re being quite cruel to leave her crying for 30 mins on her own. DD is just 3 and I can only imagine how upset she would be if it were her. I know you’re feeding the baby but I’d have walked through to her room and sat with her whilst I fed.

HellonHeels · 20/12/2018 20:18

She's only 3 and has had to get used to a massive change - sharing you with a new baby.

How did the baby happen to put his hand in her mouth? Biting isn't good but maybe it was more an impulsive action than a deliberate one?

Poor little girl, whether or not you finish the story, she needs comforting and love.

Original poster

Ragh · 20/12/2018 20:18

She fell asleep before I could go back into her for another cuddle. I was very kind before leaving her - told her I love her and that we'd do the story in the morning

OP posts:

Bobswife39 · 20/12/2018 20:18

From her point of view she had some fingers put in her mouth and the obvious thing to do was chomp down it's not like she deliberately set out to bite him and has done it maliciously. I would give her a cuddle, tell her you love her and finish the story.

She's probably resenting her baby brother now 😕

MynameisJune · 20/12/2018 20:20

She’s not even 3, she cried for 30 mins. She won’t remember you being kind before she went to bed.

Oliversmumsarmy · 20/12/2018 20:30

I would be careful not to overly punish her as she could see her baby brother as the golden child who doesn't get punished for anything.

I don't think it would have crossed my mind that a 2 year old needed to be punished.

It would have been my responsibility to keep babies fingers out of toddlers mouth

Bobswife39 · 20/12/2018 20:47

If she's asleep OP I'd get myself a nice glass of wine and enjoy the peace and quiet. She won't even remember she was crying tomorrow....you can read her the story then.

Absofrigginlootly · 20/12/2018 20:54

This!!!!!! I couldn’t let my 2 year old cry for half an hour alone. Would you treat an adult that way? An elderly person? I hate the way emotional manipulation is encouraged against children in western culture

Going through similar adjustments with my 4 year old DD and new baby (although no biting!)... she needs kindness and reassurance

Pinknike · 20/12/2018 21:03

To be honest I wouldn't have made a 2 year old lose their story for biting. It's too young.

Biting is natural at that age, of course it should be discouraged, but she's way way too young to comprehend all of that.

Plus having a new baby brother is going to be stressful enough for her.

Pinknike · 20/12/2018 21:09

Call me soft but I didn't even punish when ds2 went through a biting phase. I just told him no firmly and said that it hurts and isn't kind.

I also don't get all this you must follow through once you've said something, even when you're wrong.

yummyscummymummy01 · 20/12/2018 21:10

It's so hard isn't it? (I have a 2.5 DS and 5 month old DT).

I would have been furious too, but her reaction was probably quite instinctive. I wouldn't put it past my son either.

I probably agree that she'd already been punished. The tears were probably guilt related too.

Do you know what though? It's bloody hard isn't it? Don't worry about it now. Clean slate for both of you in the morning

Bobswife39 · 20/12/2018 21:14

@yummyscummymummy01 my sentiments exactly. There are no rules for mummying, we're all just trying our best

CrunchieFriday · 20/12/2018 21:17

Make sure you do the story in the morning.

My parenting relies on them 100% believing that I will do what I say.

I never threaten anything unless I am prepared to carry through.

and I never promise anything I can't deliver.

Worsethingshappen · 20/12/2018 21:19

Poor wee girl. She’s 2 years old, has a new baby brother who actually put his fingers into her mouth. In an ideal world I wouldn’t have made such a drama out of it in the first place, though it’s easy to over react I know.

Absofrigginlootly · 20/12/2018 21:35

And all this saying “well I think no story is too harsh but you said it now so you must follow through” is such a rigid parenting attitude. I think it’s important to show children when you’ve got it wrong. To say actually Ive thought about it and mummy has been too strict and so I will read a story” (or whatever) is important for children. It’s demonstrated humility and being able to admit when you have something wrong. It shows them that you value them enough to apologise. It’s shows them you are human and fallible.

Yes children need to see consistency and that you mean what you say but not doggedly pursuing it even when everyone is upset and you don’t even agree with it yourself

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