To ask if I should be honest or feign delight at these gifts?

[Alliwantforxmasisalaundryfairy]

I have just seen my Christmas gifts from OH because he left them in his wardrobe and I was putting away his shirts.

He has got me a 2019 diary with my name on it.
I don't use a diary.
Yesterday I threw away the completely empty 2018 diary that someone gave me last year.
How does he not know after 12 years that I don't use a diary? He even asked me a while back if I use a diary and I said no.

He has also got me a set of cocktail glasses and a cocktail recipe book. I hardly drink alcohol. I never drink during the week and only occasionally a glass of wine on a Saturday.
Even if I wanted to make any of the cocktails we have none of th ingredients , nor a cocktail shaker.

I feel sad that he really doesn't know me very well after 12 years together?

I'm going to insist on no presents next year because he has form for dodgy presents.

In the meantime, should I feign delight on Christmas day as taught by my mother or should I just be honest for once? Bearing in mind that he is going to notice that I use none of these things since we live together.
In the past I have already been grateful and pretended I loved things but I have an increasing pile of unused/unworn stuff and it just seems silly.

Ask for a receipt for the stuff you can return. Fling the personalised diary at his head.

Tell him what you told MN.

Where you've gone wrong is not telling him what to get you. I do my dh a list and he picks a few things off it. He does the same for me. We both get things we want and no one is disappointed and no money is wasted.

I think he's left them there deliberately to put you off the scent of the 'real present'.......

If not, act delighted - as that is polite.

But make a point of putting some 'charity shop' donations in a box in mid January - add in all the unwanted stuff. ...see if he notices.

Sometimes it's hard to buy gifts for others (like my oh) as they buy everything they want, when they want it themselves. Are disdainful of things others would like like smellies, chocolates etc Or give you a list of really expensive items which are out of budget.....Could this be you?

Be honest.

Be honest.

What did you get him?

Honestly. I would tell him now. Explain calmly and give him the chance to return the glasses and book to get you something appropriate.
Use the diary for shopping lists and to do lists if it can’t be returned.

Don't suffer in silence. Cross out your name on the diary (thick black Sharpie pen will do it) and replace it with his name. See how he likes it. The message will stock, I'm sure.

You have sufficient time left to return any gifts purchased for him, get refunds and treat yourself to something nice.

If you don’t tell him you will get crap presents forever and feel resentful on Christmas Day.
If you tell him on Christmas Day it will ruin it for everyone and cause an atmosphere.

I wouldn't say anything. Just feign delight, badly.

On the cocktail glasses front....all kitchen items are classified as "domestic" and are not gifts, by the way.

Always choose your own gifts unless you like "surprises".

Why should OP do the emotional labour or physical work to bring gifts back? Why does her DH not know she doesn't use a diary, why doesn't he know what gifts she would like or find useful?

Buy him the same

Why dont you bring up a conversation now about how you've just binned a diary you got last year and hope you don't get another one this year. He might twig.

The stuff you get unwanted and have built up schools are always in need of raffle prizes. But I really would bring it up now while he still has a chance to get you something you will use or like.

Im specific with my husband how after the Kindle thing and he me after slippergate. Get the bugger told.

I would tell him now. My DH is terrible at buying gifts for me too, so now I give him a list of things I like and he chooses from that. It's not exactly a surprise present, but I don't know what he'll choose and at least it's something I like.

Sometimes I wish he was better at gift-giving, but it's not that he doesn't know me well, he just panics and second-guesses himself. His first thought might be 'I'll get DW some Waterstones vouchers, she loves reading.' And then he'll doubt himself and decide that vouchers aren't special enough, so I end up with random tat when actually, the vouchers would have been perfect.

Anyway, my point is that some people aren't good at buying gifts. It's not a reflection on their feelings for you, especially if everything else in your relationship is usually good. But you need to talk about it because right now you're seeing these presents as a reflection of the state of your relationship and it's making you unhappy.

Amazon wish lists are the way forward.

Bearing in mind that he is going to notice that I use none of these things since we live together.

If he was that observant about you, then he wouldn’t have bought the gifts he has in the first place!

But to actually answer your question, feign delight on the day then tell him the truth in January. No point making him feel bad on xmas day

I told my dh what I wanted for Christmas, well needed. I sent him links to three things but different makes, and he could choose. Otherwise he would have probably would have bought me tat like your dh has.

Can you return the gifts you got him and get him a few useless ones too?

OP, I do understand the feeling of 'but how can he get me so wrong?' and I too live with someone who pays very little attention, lives in fantasy land a bit (everything's fine, this will do etc). He is a good person but has very little imagination therefore he cannot see beyond what is going on in his own head, which is particularly literal.

I can't explain why he'd buy you a diary when you said you don't use one, other than him wishfully-thinking 'Well if I get her a VERY NICE PERSONALISED one and she takes up diary-keeping I can feel good about my choice of gift."

We decided not to do presents this year but as someone else said - Amazon wishlists!

I make them for my children throughout the year and it's so handy to just send them a link.

I won't be able to return the diary, he's had it printed with my name.
It'll all be ordered online so returns will be faffy.

I asked for a pair of silver earrings. I'm not hard to please, hotel chocolat is always a winner, or a good book.

DH bought me a deep fat fryer one Christmas - I didn't bother to open the box until he made me. There was a beautiful gold necklace inside - he knew full well what my initial response would be to 'kitchen equipment'.

Maybe........