To ask if I should be honest or feign delight at these gifts?

[Alliwantforxmasisalaundryfairy]

I have just seen my Christmas gifts from OH because he left them in his wardrobe and I was putting away his shirts.

He has got me a 2019 diary with my name on it.
I don't use a diary.
Yesterday I threw away the completely empty 2018 diary that someone gave me last year.
How does he not know after 12 years that I don't use a diary? He even asked me a while back if I use a diary and I said no.

He has also got me a set of cocktail glasses and a cocktail recipe book. I hardly drink alcohol. I never drink during the week and only occasionally a glass of wine on a Saturday.
Even if I wanted to make any of the cocktails we have none of th ingredients , nor a cocktail shaker.

I feel sad that he really doesn't know me very well after 12 years together?

I'm going to insist on no presents next year because he has form for dodgy presents.

In the meantime, should I feign delight on Christmas day as taught by my mother or should I just be honest for once? Bearing in mind that he is going to notice that I use none of these things since we live together.
In the past I have already been grateful and pretended I loved things but I have an increasing pile of unused/unworn stuff and it just seems silly.

I don't understand some people, they don't tell others the truth, make passive aggressive moves, duck and dive, why don't you talk to him?

Tell him you don’t like it - he’s your husband, not your office secret Santa.

Tell him what you have said here, leave hints, magazines, tell him oh I really would like “ insert - whatever you would like” if he doesn’t get the hint just say look lovely I’ll get m’self something in the sales.

It's difficult though. If you tell him you don't like it, you're rude and ungrateful. If you smile and say thank you, you'll just continue to get useless shit that's a waste of time and money forever more.

I see no point in Amazon wishlists, it's not a present if they haven't had to put any thought and effort into choosing, even if it's one item from a list of possible options, they might as well have rolled a dice.

Once you've clicked to put an item on a list, sent a link or whatever, you've done all the present buying work, especially between couples where all money comes out of the same pot anyway.

DP and I exchange token presents only, because we just buy our own stuff of our own choosing, when we want it. And I mean token. DP will buy me something like a bottle of unusual tonic water. And I'm perfectly happy with that, because I don't like stuff, and I do like gin and tonic, but will baulk at the thought of paying for the fancy tonic waters.

I will probably spend a bit more on him, because he does like stuff, but it's usually about a fiver's worth of Christmas treats from Lidl and this year I've got him a case for his kindle, because he's got one of the new ones but not got round to buying a case. And that's for me just as much as him, because I'll be more annoyed than he is if it gets broken. I'll be all like 'OMG it's broken and it cost £100' and he's more like, 'meh, I'll just buy another one'.

I would tell him, that’s not ok after 12 years. Are the cocktail glasses definitely for you?

Agree with op - amazon wish lists or just do as I do which is buy my own gifts with his money. (In our case it’s more a DH time issue, he leaves it to the last minute so whatever I want is usually sold out or it’s too late to deliver on time).

I'd feign delight on Christmas Day so that the day goes smoothly. After that you could either have a quiet word or as someone else said - for next year have a list of gifts you'd like to receive and ask him to buy you a couple of things from it. It's what I do, and it works a treat.

Amazon wish list is your friend. DH just clicks "add to basket" - he's happy that there's no stress involved, and I'm happy to get stuff I actually want.

We decided no gifts this year. My OH is rubbish, I made a list as requested one year but he didn't know where to get any of it from, so gave me money to get myself something, the next year the list was detailed with shops, catalogue numbers, pictures and online links. There was too much too choose from. For my birthday I listed a selection of beads all available from one jeweller in the high street so he got me a voucher so I could get the one I really wanted. I usually get him a top or something to do with his favourite rugby club, usually the wrong size and some silly bits. But no more, just going to treat myself to something nice after Christmas and he can do the same

Have you ever discussed his crap present choices before?

The problem with diaries is that they only last one year. If you feign delight, he’ll think he’s on to a winner and you’ll get a new one every year. Just tell him, preferably before Christmas. Be honest and say you found the presents. Gives him a chance to get you something you’ll actually want.

I think after 12 years you should tell him and tell him now so he can rectify it. I don’t think it’s rude to do so, he’s your husband and this kind of gift shows little thought.

I do think some people struggle with gift buying and get overwhelmed and don’t stop to think about what the other person likes.

Husbands should be able to do:better as they live with you so with a little observation can look eg, at the kind of earrings you wear. They’d they can go in to a shop and find something in a similar vein..