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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To consider making an official complaint?

34 replies

TinkerSpy · 20/12/2018 10:03

I really don't know if AIBU or not.

Two weeks' ago I saw a gynecologist because of my painful, heavy periods. My period pain is so bad, I often vomit. I can't work as I have to take 4 sick days every month. Painkillers barely touch it. I lose so much blood I become anemic if I don't take iron tablets. I have to sit on thick towels where ever I am as I flood through.

The gynecologist asked me if I'd had any children, I replied no, I haven't (though currently TTC). She then replied "Well, women find once they've been through the pain of childbirth, they no longer complain about their periods."

She also point blank refused to look at my (short) list of symptoms that I'd written down so I didn't forget to mention anything. She cut me off repeatedly when I tried to answer her questions (I was trying to be short, factual and precise, I didn't ramble on).

She did eventually agree to refer me for an ultrasound after I found some courage (I'm VERY shy) and insisted, but she made it clear she was certain it was a waste of time and it was only for my 'peace of mind'.

AIBU to complain about her comment, as I feel very belittled by her comment about pain/childbirth? Or does she have a point and I'm being too sensitive?

OP posts:

redsummershoes · 20/12/2018 10:08

yes complain.
you need a referral to a gyn, it's beyond gp now.

MatildaTheCat · 20/12/2018 10:09

Ask to be referred to someone else preferably someone who specialises in this area ( endometriosis?) She sounds awful.

I’m not really sure where an official complaint will go as she will point out she has referred you for an ultrasound. I’ve met some really unsympathetic obstetricians most of them female oddly. Not all I must add.

SierraSmythe · 20/12/2018 10:10

Definitely complain.

Jamiefraserskilt · 20/12/2018 10:10

No. However, the general consensus is that childbirth does help with period problems. Sadly it was only a short break from the monthly hell of mine until I finally had a uae followed two years later by a hysterectomy.
You should be concerned that there were no suggestions of plans to deal with this. Years ago a d & c was the answer. Not a long term solution but enough for six to 12 months respite.
You need to see someone who can offer solutions, not add to the problem.
There are drug therapies that may help. Mefanamic and tranescamic acid (badly spelled) may help.

Platypusfattypus · 20/12/2018 10:11

What a crock of shit. I’d be looking for another opinion.

I’ve had three children. I’d rather go through childbirth again then suffer with my heavy painful periods.

Original poster

TinkerSpy · 20/12/2018 10:17

Thanks for the replies, I was expecting a flaming.

She was a specialist sadly, I thought I was really lucky when my referral came through and it was her.

I've tried Mefanamic for the pain and Tranexcamic acid for the heaviness. They help, but I was hoping for some answers so I can treat the cause, rather than the symptoms.

She was frustrated because her treatment plan was going on the pill, but it's not an option as I'm TTC so she seemed to think (it came across) I was wasting her time.

OP posts:

Imissgmichael · 20/12/2018 10:21

I feel for you. I was told the same. My periods did not improve after childbirth.

What she was actually saying is your soft and they aren’t that bad. Disgusting attitude.

AnnaMariaDreams · 20/12/2018 10:23

You need a lap and dye to check for endometriosis. Try and get a second opinion.

Original poster

TinkerSpy · 20/12/2018 10:24

@Imissgmichael

What she was actually saying is your soft and they aren’t that bad.

Exactly, I feel like she's the expert and it's great she doesn't think there's anything 'really' wrong, but now I feel like a wussy, time-wasting hypochondriac.

OP posts:

CardsforKittens · 20/12/2018 10:31

I don't know if you have endometriosis but some of my friends have it and it took ages to get a diagnosis because doctors repeatedly minimised their descriptions of their symptoms. You really have to be pushy and keep advocating for yourself, which is hard especially if you're shy. Can you take your partner to appointments? It always helps to have some moral support. You could complain about the childbirth pain comment, because it was rude and dismissive, but either way you have a referral for an ultrasound which is a step in the right direction. Good luck.

Imissgmichael · 20/12/2018 10:35

She probably has really easy periods so can’t relate. Not a good look for a Gynaecologist, especially a female one.

Remember though even if they cannot find anything medically wrong doesn’t mean they aren’t heavy or painful.

I had one doctor telling me that I was obviously working out my cycles wrong, they couldn’t possibly that frequent, heavy or painful. I plonked my period spreadsheet in front of him and asked him to check the pads I was wearing, suggesting he watched me change them and then check again in 10 minutes. He declined and didn’t even look at the spreadsheet.

Oratorio · 20/12/2018 10:43

You should complain and ask to see someone different.

You shouldn’t be in that much pain.

If you have, say, endometriosis, an ultrasound won’t help - you need a diagnostic laparoscopy.

I was lucky in that my GP is a bloody superstar and I got a laparoscopy and an endometriosis diagnosis soon after going to see him, but there are plenty of medical professionals who are dismissive and minimising of women’s pain. It’s completely unacceptable from a gynaecologist.

Original poster

TinkerSpy · 20/12/2018 10:44

Thanks everyone.

It's so frustrating not knowing if there's anything wrong or if I am just unlucky to have heavy and painful periods, but them still be normal.

I do have a family history of problems (2 aunts & grandmother on maternal side had endometriosis and sadly all died from cancer, ovarian and cervical) so maybe I am worrying needlessly because of this.

I do feel less reasonable to complain about her comment when she did (albeit reluctantly) refer for the ultrasound.

I didn't think asking for help would be this tough.

OP posts:

CardsforKittens · 20/12/2018 11:01

It's still reasonable to complain! Sorry, I didn't mean to give the impression that getting a referral for ultrasound was more important than being treated with respect. It's just that complaining about this kind of thing can be emotionally tough on top of the other stuff you're going through, and you may have to go through several difficult procedures before you get a diagnosis. But yes, do complain if you want to!

jessstan2 · 20/12/2018 11:06

Do complain, that was a dreadful thing to say. There's no comparison between childbirth and period pain, that's ridiculous. Childbirth isn't every month for a start and it comes to an end!

In any case, it's not just pain with you, it's the heaviness. Having been a fellow sufferer, not so much the pain but the heavy flow, you have my sympathy. I went to see a gynaecologist and was treated effectively. That was a few years after having a child so the doctor is talking rubbish.

I'm quite appalled. Is there another doctor at your surgery you can see?

KingkillerKvothe · 20/12/2018 11:24

Her response is so weird. I think you should complain as she completely minimised your pain.

Just want to also add, my periods got worse after my first child. Not as painful as yours sound, but enough to keep me up in the night. Obviously labour contractions are probably going to be worse than a period, but what the fuck has that got to do with anything? A period happens every bloody month. Hope you get some answers soon.

FaithFrank · 20/12/2018 11:25

Yes complain, what a load of patronising nonsense. You have a health problem and you are seeking treatment for it. What other women do or don't complain about is irrelevant.

Even if you are 'just unlucky' the fact that you are regularly in pain and becoming anaemic means it needs to be treated.

Severide08 · 20/12/2018 11:53

Her response is crock of shite . No way op should you be suffering this . I had horrendous periods i dreaded them and sadly got told the same .Put up for years from my teens all through till the age of 39 and that was after 3 DC's .By now i had enough and with the back my gp saw some consultants one funnu enough a woman who tried various things .But met a lovely male consultant who read my notes was horrified said this is no life you cant suffer this and agreed i could have hysterectomy ,best thing i ever did .Obviously op you are ttc so this isn't an option but please dont do what i did and suffer for years. Complain to PALS should be a group in your hospital they will help ,she was patronising. You deserve better.

CrabbyPatty · 20/12/2018 12:07

My periods sound the same as yours although I'm currently 33 weeks pregnant (sweet relief from AF) I do work but for a few days a month I'm not as effective. I also get awful PMT. I never really got an explanation and my main concern was TTC. I had an inconclusive ultrasound (but this won't detect endometriosis - you'd need a laparotomy for a diagnosis). I think I have adenomyosis rather than endo. Have you been prescribed tranexamic acid to reduce your flow? And also ibuprofen can reduce flow. I feel for you. Xx

AGHHHH · 20/12/2018 12:35

you need a referral to a gyn, it's beyond gp now

Have I misunderstood what you mean because OP mentioned that this was a gynaecologist a few times

Funnyface1 · 20/12/2018 12:42

Definitely complain, that's hideous behaviour. Nobody should minimise somebody else's pain.

agedknees · 20/12/2018 12:47

Have they checked your bloods for thyroid, hormone, Von Willebrand? Make sure you get these checked.

I would ask for a 2nd referral.

ItIsChristmasTime · 20/12/2018 12:55

Yes, do complain and also ask for a second opinion.

I have endometriosis and have had three children (including a precipitate labour and recovery from c section) and some of my endometrial pain has been far worse. Contractions hurt but only when I’ve been at the stage of them being constant and having come out of nowhere has it been on a par with some of the other pains I have had.

adaline · 20/12/2018 12:59

That's shocking.

I've always had problem periods and when I started having mid-cycle bleeding I went to the GP and I got a smear and referred for an ultrasound pretty much straight away - I was really impressed.

Luckily both were clear but it gave me real peace of mind that there was nothing "serious" going on. My problem was hormonal and is thankfully now sorted - I hope your problems are too. Heavy periods are really horrible and if you've never had them it's easy to think people are exaggerating or lying about how much impact they can have.

loubluee · 20/12/2018 13:06

AGHHHH yes OP was talking about the gynaecologist she saw.

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