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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take my toddler to a NYE party?

34 replies

HotMessMama · 19/12/2018 18:30

I know I’m not BU but I just want to see what others would do/say in this situation ...

I’ve been invited to a NYE party at a family members house, I declined as I said I wouldn’t be able to get a babysitter. Family member has said just bring DS and he can sleep upstairs. I’ve said no as I’m not happy with this for many reasons - DS is 2 and has additional needs, routine is so important. I do not drive so getting there/back would have to be in a taxi = expense I can’t afford.
If I was able to settle DS to sleep in a different house, different routine etc and he were to wake up it would be very difficult to resettle him (he woke through the night when fireworks were going off over bonfire night and it took hours to calm him down) there would then be drunk adults around, music playing etc and again we would be unable to get home if we wanted to go.

I have explained my reasons and don’t think I’m being unreasonable but I’ve been told I’m overreacting and that I need to ‘loosen the reigns’ 😡

OP posts:
frustratedashell · 19/12/2018 18:40

I agree with you

Katiecausesmischief · 19/12/2018 18:40

Your child / your rules
You have to do what you think is best and ignore others. If that is staying at home then do it 👍

VickyEadie · 19/12/2018 18:40

You are right.

Jackshouse · 19/12/2018 18:40

Having a child means you don’t have to do NYE anymore.

LokiBear · 19/12/2018 18:41

Do not go. It isnt going to be any fun for you so why put yourself through it? Plan something lovely at home instead (like wine, pjs and a film.)

AmyDowdensLeftLeftShoe · 19/12/2018 18:43

Ignore them - as they are being stupid.

Some children can cope with adult parties others cannot, and yours is one of the latter group.

Fluffiest · 19/12/2018 18:44

My DD is 2 as well, and has no additional needs and I still wouldn't take her to a NYE party. YANBU

WeeMadArthur · 19/12/2018 18:44

You don’t want to go, so don’t go. Start the New Year as you mean to go on, doing what suits you and your DS.

PeggySueOooOo · 19/12/2018 18:45

Parties are supposed to be fun. If you and your child wont enjoy it what is the point of "loosening the reins" and going. YANBU!

Jammysod · 19/12/2018 18:46

Definitely not unreasonable. I wouldn't take my 4yr old... It's all good & well for the host, they're not the ones that have to deal with the fall out.

KittyClaus · 19/12/2018 18:46

My DC don’t have additional needs. I still wouldn’t do this in a million years.

IncomingCannonFire · 19/12/2018 18:47

Nope. Yanbu.

rabbitfoodadvocate · 19/12/2018 18:49

Your bub, your decision. Only you know what is best and how to ensure he feels safe, happy and relaxed.

Stay home and have a nice evening. You'll feel so much better for it and everyone else can dick off with their helpful parenting advice about loosening your grip. He's two ffs. Not 20.

Bear2014 · 19/12/2018 18:50

Oh hell no. Some kids may be fine with this, but mine would not have been and I wouldn't put any of us through it. YANBU.

JudasPrudy · 19/12/2018 18:50

There would be zero chance of me going to that party. I probably wouldn't even go if I didn't have a child tbh.

blueskiesandforests · 19/12/2018 18:52

There are kids who will sleep on any random bit of floor in any random house without their parents in the room and without waking up despite the fact they're missing a loud party downstairs. They do exist. It's even possible that not all of them are dosed with a nip of whisky in their bedtime milk

However if your child isnt one of those, don't go. You'll spend the entire night upstairs with your overtired overwrought toddler, or resort to bringing him down to the party and pay for it parenting an overtired, unsettled toddler for several days afterwards.

It's not worth it.

You don't want to go. If you do go you'll suffer fall out for at least 24 hours after, for something you didn't want to do but did to placate someone else.

Don't go.

Littlecaf · 19/12/2018 18:54

Just smile and say “thank you! Very kind of the invite, but it’s just not going work - maybe when he’s older so keep me in mind. Perhaps we can catch up on weekend in the NY?” I’ve found at least trying to keep friendships which wane once kids are around is useful when you actually want to socialise when they are older or more able to cope with change.

Topseyt · 19/12/2018 18:58

No. You are not being unreasonable. Young children are the ideal excuse to no longer do New Year's Eve shit. "No babysitter, not bringing them with me".

It was my own babies who rescued me from the annual New Year's Eve drudgery almost 24 years ago now, when still pregnant with DD1. I have never gone back to it.

ImogenTubbs · 19/12/2018 19:13

Ah, people are full of opinions! You know what's best for your DS. DD loved NYE at that age, but then she's a right party animal and it was her grandparents house so she was familiar with it. From what you've said about your DS you Cound make a very stressful situation for yourself. Do what you think best. And happy new year!

christmaschristmaschristmas · 19/12/2018 19:15

Will their be other kids there?

christmaschristmaschristmas · 19/12/2018 19:16

*there

NorthernRunner · 19/12/2018 19:21

To be honest, additional needs aside, I wouldn’t do this. You just can’t relax, you will be going up and down the stairs checking, you won’t want to drink, and you will be distracted. I don’t blame you, stay at home, I would!

Llanali · 19/12/2018 19:27

This is normal in my family and friends. We are all spread around the uk and abroad so it’s normsl for our kids to sleep pretty much

Llanali · 19/12/2018 19:29

Sorry! Not finished

Sleep anywhere, and I did it with my DC from about 8 weeks.

It’s up to you though, don’t do it if you don’t want to. No one should feel pressured, I just thought I’d point out that isn’t unusual for everyone.

ChipsAreLife · 19/12/2018 19:30

No I wouldn't. NYE is crap as a parent. You have to be up at 6 so going to bed at 3 has no appeal!

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