To not take my toddler to a NYE party?

34 replies

HotMessMama · 19/12/2018 18:30

I know I’m not BU but I just want to see what others would do/say in this situation ...

I’ve been invited to a NYE party at a family members house, I declined as I said I wouldn’t be able to get a babysitter. Family member has said just bring DS and he can sleep upstairs. I’ve said no as I’m not happy with this for many reasons - DS is 2 and has additional needs, routine is so important. I do not drive so getting there/back would have to be in a taxi = expense I can’t afford.
If I was able to settle DS to sleep in a different house, different routine etc and he were to wake up it would be very difficult to resettle him (he woke through the night when fireworks were going off over bonfire night and it took hours to calm him down) there would then be drunk adults around, music playing etc and again we would be unable to get home if we wanted to go.

I have explained my reasons and don’t think I’m being unreasonable but I’ve been told I’m overreacting and that I need to ‘loosen the reigns’ 😡

OP posts:

barleyreed · 19/12/2018 19:35

Stick to your guns OP! I did NYE at my BIL's house when DC1 was 2 and there were only 7 people but it was awful, I ended up trying to settle him all night and missed everything myself and he has no additional needs and usually sleeps like a log! X

Llanali · 19/12/2018 19:35

Not all kids wake at 6 and not all parents stay up till 3am! A 1.30am finish if your kids wake st 8am seems fine to me...

Starfish28 · 19/12/2018 19:51

Obviously you are not being unreasonable. With our first child we were guilted into a few nights with friends and they were always a disaster from start to finish. I never relaxed. Kept a fake smile on my face while trying to settle my baby in an unfamiliar room. Unlike Llanali my children have never slept past 6am and therefore it really was just miserable from start to finish.

Stick to your guns and enjoy your evening.

Llanali · 19/12/2018 20:28

Oh I know many many kids are early risers, I just had to point out to the poster above that they don’t all wake that early. Mine rise about 7.45/8. Later if they have a late night.

Leeds2 · 19/12/2018 20:37

If it had been my DC, I would've taken her. But she had no additional needs, and I wasn't a fan of a set routine! My choice, and I appreciate this isn't for everyone.
In your case, do whatever is right for you and your DS. If you don't think he/you would cope with it, or enjoy it, it really isn't worth it. You know your DS a lot better than the person holding the party. And do NOT be guilt tripped into doing something you are unhappy with. We are all different and that, I think, is a good thing.

Threadastaire · 19/12/2018 20:44

At first I thought they were trying to be inclusive - it's easy to feel excluded as a parent and it's good to be offered an option that allows you to join in. But the loosening the reigns comment is a bit shitty. Sounds like they're a bit (unreasonably) offended that you don't want to go to their party!

Also, unless it was a particularly sedate party (watching a film with a glass of prosecco at midnight with family) I don't think I'd want to go to a party where I knew young kids were asleep upstairs - conversation after a couple of drinks is always louder than we realise and I can't imagine they'd get a good sleep unless they were the heaviest of sleepers.

missymayhemsmum · 19/12/2018 20:49

If you don't want to go, don't feel it would suit your child then don't. Or you could arrange to stay, if that works better. Nice of your friend to offer though, and not exclude you and your toddler as many would

ohhelpohnoitsa · 19/12/2018 20:50

Itotally 100% agree with you. Even without additional needs or sleep issues etc. We stick to our routine, give or take and everyone is happy. You can party again when they are older, if you choose. Mine are 11, 10 and 6 and will still be gping to bed at our normal bedtime.

BackforGood · 19/12/2018 21:35

YANBU at all.
Some people have transportable babies.
A few people have transportable toddler (far fewer I'd have thought).
Some people know how difficult it will be.
Some people love a party or love NYE so much they think it would be worth all the hassle and disruption.

Others (me included) would weigh it up and decide all the hassle just wasn't worth it for what, in effect is 'a party' and nothing more.
I'm not bothered about NYE and dno't have the excuse of needing babysitters anymore indeed dd2 is sitting for someone else.

Just let it roll over you. You can say 'well, we're all different' or something or just not engage. Wish them well . Say you hope they have a lovely time, and don't get worked up about it.

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