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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to throw it all away

28 replies

Luvey · 19/12/2018 15:32

I have a professional career that I trained very hard for. I've a Bachelor Degree and a Masters.

I've come to hate my career. Really really hate it and it's made me quite unwell mentally and emotionally. I've taken a break to get my head together and explore alternative options.

WIBU to walk away and take a less stressful less responsibility job.
I'm really interested in working in a nursery or creche, but it would be a huge step down for me (I don't mean to be offensive - I mean in terms of pay, benefits etc)

AIBU?

OP posts:
greenritta · 19/12/2018 15:40

Do it.

Just left my career, my PhD, because it made me miserable. The relief i felt when i made that decision was the best thing of 2018!

Helbelle75 · 19/12/2018 15:44

I'm thinking along similar lines. I've only gone back 2 days a week following maternity leave, but it's still sapping my mental energy.
Life's too short to do things that make you unhappy.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/12/2018 15:45

It's very important for you to be happy, obviously, but what are the financial ramifications of such a drastic move? Does your family, (if you have one), depend on your salary? What about rent/mortgage? I would look towards making changes but I would do so very carefully.

Thingsdogetbetter · 19/12/2018 15:45

Stay in a job that is killing you emotionally and mentally? Nope! Fuck that! People change careers all the time. Nothing wrong with that. Your education won't be wasted; education never is. But it certainly can't be a chain that makes you miserable.

But don't panic change. Make the decision to change and that should take some of the weight off. Then look around at alternatives whether that's working in a nursery or retraining to work at a different level with children.

If you can afford it I'd suggest travelling while you think. Or working in a creche while you think. If you love it, stick with it. If ypu don't, find something else. It doesn't have to be A or B, there's a whole world of possibilities out there. Take a good look around and find some something you love if you can.

NancyDonahue · 19/12/2018 15:48

Nursery work is rewarding but long hours and low pay. You'll need to do training but can work while you train. How about teaching primary age? The pay is better and there's more variety with ages.

Disfordarkchocolate · 19/12/2018 15:53

My only goal for 2019 is to get a job that doesn't make me ill. We can manage the pay cut and I'll want to wake up in the morning. Start saving while you retrain/job hunt and good luck.

Houseonahill · 19/12/2018 15:55

Life is too short to spend 40+ hours a week doing something you hate. The saying money can't by happiness springs to mind.

ritzbiscuits · 19/12/2018 16:00

If you hate your career leave it, life is too short and there is not shame in wanting to have a better life.

I'd try to take some time to look at alternatives. You may find alternatives that may not be as much of a drop as working in a nursery, where I presume it's minimum wage.

Do you have transferable skills that you could use to pivot your career?

Original poster
Luvey · 19/12/2018 16:01

Nancy I meet the qualifications for working in a nursery and I know it's low pay.

I'm away from my own profession atm but can back at any time. I'm planning on taking up a post in a nursery in the new year but am just worried there will always be a niggle at the back of my head that I've downgraded. God I sound so snobby!!

I do feel immense relief at making the decision. Financially it will be ok. We'll have to be more careful but we'll still have two wages coming in so we will manage.

Does anyone have experience of working in a nursery or creche?

OP posts:
Hedgehoginthefog · 19/12/2018 16:06

I'm a qualified teacher. Stuck it out for five years before I realised it was making me extremely miserable and am now a 9-5 Civil Servant. Wish I'd done it years ago. Admittedly not the step down in pay and benefits you'd be taking but how much is your happiness worth?

NancyDonahue · 19/12/2018 16:16

Nursery work isn't downgrading yourself op. My dcs all went through nursery and I respected the workers there greatly! It's a job that carries a lot of responsibility and anyone who looks down on that is an idiot.

Original poster
Luvey · 19/12/2018 16:18

Yes Nancy I agree. The same can be said for care workers looking after older people. The pays still shit though Grin

OP posts:
Houseonahill · 19/12/2018 16:22

I worked in a nursery, loved it at the time. It's low pay (which you know) but it's rewarding and it's a fun job in lots of ways. Another bonus I've found is most nurserys because you work long hours (I used to do 7.30am - 6.30pm) you tend to only do 4 days a week. You still work 40 hours but then get a day to do stuff like appointments and things.

jessstan2 · 19/12/2018 16:27

A change is as good as a rest. If you can do it, do it. Explore all options. I realise not everyone is in a position to be able to but if you are, go ahead.

Success should not be measured by earnings and qualifications. Being happy and fulfilled is what really matters. Anyone who has the opportunity of that, or even trying it, should grab the opportunity unless they have such responsibilities that make it impossible (even the, there is always the future....).

Good luck! Flowers Wine

TinselBee · 19/12/2018 16:30

OP I used to be like that, got my BA & MA and career all set out in front of me. But I realised, especially after Mat Leave, just how much I was struggling mentally with the work, the management, the ethics and sexism (and yes I had tried different companies) ! BUT then a Job Agency employee suggested I side step in the industry. Previously I was working for only house builders and developers but now I work for a lovely consultancy company that doesn't touch big house builder sites.

Could you side step in your industry?

If not, then tbh nursery work has always sounded wonderful to me. Reason I didn't go into after Mat Leave (despite seriously considering it) was that I would have to get qualified and I didn't have the money to pay out for that after paying for the MA

GodrestyemerrySchadenfreud · 19/12/2018 16:31

Go.

Run.

Never look back!

Trust me - the good pay is not worth your health or your peace of mind.

OneStepMoreFun · 19/12/2018 16:36

Yes walk away if it's making you ill. But be very pragmatic about what will make you well. What were the benefits of your old career?
Do you really want to earn minimum wage to wrangle other people's tantrumming, snot drooling toddlers all day long? You'll be knackered and broke and demoralised that in four hours you've earned less than you did in an hour at your old job.

Can you stay in your old career but move to a new company on a part time, freelance or consultancy basis? Can you evaluate what you hate that has made you so ill and make a sideways move away from that aspect of the career?

Change, yes. But chuck all away, no.

WWlOOlWW · 19/12/2018 16:48

What is your degree and masters in ?

Is there a better paid job which is simular which you could go into ?

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 19/12/2018 17:49

No matter what your career is, in the end it’s just work. Life is the thing that counts.

thedevilinablackdress · 19/12/2018 17:52

Goi for it.
And you're not 'throwing anything away'. You're making a positive, informed, sensible decision.

Original poster
Luvey · 19/12/2018 18:32

Onestep.... snot drooling toddlers! It's comments that like that get ingrained into my head about people thinking that type of work is beneath them.
Fuck it. I'm doing it.
What's the Worst that can happen ...if I don't like it i can go back to my career

OP posts:
Stuckforthefourthtime · 19/12/2018 18:41

How does your partner feel? My DH took a big step back to go into a less paid area that he feels passionate about after suffering depression, and it really shook our relationship. It means the other partner then has to keep earning money, and often without having the option to go part time or follow their own passion - but also accept a very big change in circumstances. It also has long term implication in terms of pension etc. Nursery work would also be very hard if you suffer any ill health as you get older, Vs an office job.

It's fine if you'll still be comfortable, but if it's a huge step in terms of money, I'd look into whether there is something that is less stressed than your current position, but maybe pays above minimum wage.

OneStepMoreFun · 19/12/2018 23:09

@Luvey I didn't mean to offend. And I was being a bit provocative, sorry. I just think that people can idealise some low paid jobs as less stressful but underestimate the stress of having very little money. But you sound keen, so go for it.

Starbitcrazy · 20/12/2018 01:13

I walked away recently. My mental health was deteriorating there and they did nothing to support me. I was miserable and on the way to work would tell myself to crash my car into the central reservation so I didn't have to go in. I don't yet know what I'm going to do job-wise but I don't regret leaving. I might be panicking about money a tad, but I still don't regret it!

Do it, it's not a step down it's a new challenge, and who knows, maybe one day you might own your own successful nursery and that's certainly quite an achievement. You only get one life - go be as happy as you can, no job is worth being unhappy or depressed for.

GodrestyemerrySchadenfreud · 20/12/2018 16:38

I was miserable and on the way to work would tell myself to crash my car into the central reservation so I didn't have to go in.

I've been there - the only thing that stopped me was the thought that some other poor bugger might get caught up in it, and even if I didn't cripple anyone else, some other poor bugger would have to pick bits of me from the wreckage . . .

In the end I had a breakdown - quite was ready to leave for work one day and I quite literally couldn't open the door - I honestly and truly could not bring myself to open the door to leave the house. I started to shake, and I collapsed weeping and was still in the same place when DH came home from work.

I never went back - and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. However, I wish I'd had the courage to walk away format all before I got to that stage.