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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think this dog is dangerous and to report

63 replies

JemimaPyjamas · 19/12/2018 10:15

Posting in AIBU also for traffic.

I board dogs, and I walk dogs. In short, I love dogs and I am very good at my job. This is not an antidog thread AT ALL!

A neighbour a few doors up from me has a staffie cross. The owner is a lovely woman who, she's told me this, suffers from anxiety. I also think she drinks quite a lot to cope with this (due to the bottles in the recycling and the semi coherent late facebook posts.) She loves this dog with all her heart and I suspect she has become quite dependant on him. She says that staffie's have a bad press, which I agree with, and that people are uncomfortable with her dog 'as they won't understand how to handle staffies' or 'assume he is dangerous just because he's a staffie.' I don't agree with this.

She got the dog from the Dogs Trust and he had only been there a few days when she adopted. I now think that possibly he wasn't assessed thoroughly.

In the 18 months she has had him, she has stopped seeing friends as much as as there is a high chance the dog could attack. She walks him either very early or very late as he is, as she puts it, 'reactive' especially towards men. He will lunge (and is very strong) and go for someone, whether it would go as far as biting or just be barking I am not sure.

The dog also goes berserk when anyone goes past the house, not just barking but teeth baring and aggressive, jumping up or at the windows. His owner says 'he's just letting me know someone is there' but it doesn't look like that to me.

When she first got him, I suggested (tactfully!) that she should take him back to Dogs Trust to get help. They provide lifelong support so she could take advantage. She said no, it was too far. Its about an hour's drive away so not a huge distance. I think she is afraid the dog will be taken from her if she goes back, or gets 'official' help and so she pretends that her dog is okay and 'just needs special support.'

I am now very wary of this dog, and I think she is becoming more insular and afraid to seek help. There have been recent incidents there the dog went for a man at the bottom of the street, or pulled her over (she broke her arm), or the Tesco delivery driver ended up hiding in her house.

She is overcompensating for the behaviour and coming up with excuses, but I think it's only a matter of time before something very serious happens if she refuses to seek help.

AIBU to, at the very least, speak to the Dogs Trust? It would absolutely break her heart but I am running out of patience as she is refusing to try and address any of the issues.

OP posts:

rockchickchickyrock · 19/12/2018 10:32

I would definitely report. I would be worried if she is drinking and doesn’t close the door/gate properly and the dog gets out and goes for someone. It does sound like she needs some support from a behaviourist too - like you say difficult to get her to accept the help.

paap1975 · 19/12/2018 10:35

Yes, I think it would be irresonsible not to report it. How would you feel if the dog attacked someone and you had done nothing?

Original poster

JemimaPyjamas · 19/12/2018 10:38

As i was writing it, the more obvious it became. It's frustrating me no end that she is clearly pretending that this behaviour isn't as bad as it obviously is. She puts on a strange singy voice when she is uncomfortable, I think it's an anxiety thing, and she does it all the time when she's with the dog. I think its grossly irresponsible and not doing the dog any favours

OP posts:

Original poster

JemimaPyjamas · 19/12/2018 10:38

paap1975 very true!

OP posts:

RangeRider · 19/12/2018 10:39

I would be worried if she is drinking and doesn’t close the door/gate properly and the dog gets out and goes for someone
Even though OP is only guessing that she's drinking from the bottles and not from actually seeing her drunk?!
If she has high anxiety it's as likely that she's using the dog as a good excuse for not seeing friends rather than it being the reason. And dogs bark if they think someone is too near their territory - all dogs.
To be honest it sounds as if you don't like the dog, don't much like her and want a reason to make her life that bit harder. Try being understanding and helpful instead of interfering and trying to get the dog taken away from her.

Madein1995 · 19/12/2018 10:39

Yanbu. I get her fear of the dog being taken, but it needs to get nipped in the bud now. Behaviour/training classes could be a godsend. She can't carry on as she is

Junkmail · 19/12/2018 10:43

I feel bad for her. If her dog helps her through her anxiety she is probably really worried about him being taken from her hence the excuses for his behaviour. But it’s really not on. She needs to seek help. The dogs trust (I believe) have behaviourists to assist. Maybe you could explain to her that they won’t take the dog from her but will support her to train him to cope better. He sounds anxious too! I’m not sure if reporting her will help? But perhaps if she did have a visit from the dog warden they could point her in the right direction for help in training this dog as it sounds like an accident waiting to happen.

villainousbroodmare · 19/12/2018 10:43

A six year old boy in my local area was killed by two rottweilers who got out if a neighbour's yard and attacked him in the street. Last week.

Original poster

JemimaPyjamas · 19/12/2018 10:44

Madein1995 I think she needs expert help. I work with dogs and have plenty of experience but I would struggle here. This is why I suggested she speak to Dogs Trust but she instantly dismissed it. She is devoted to him though, and it's hard to report it but I think if she doesn't the chances of him getting PTS due to something awful happening are far higher. I have said as much to her too, albeit a bit more watered down!

OP posts:

Original poster

JemimaPyjamas · 19/12/2018 10:46

JunkMail sorry, I meant speak to the Dogs Trust about her situation rather than report to someone more likely to remove the dog. She is aware that they give lifelong support, but said 'its too far' as if that was the end of it

OP posts:

Original poster

JemimaPyjamas · 19/12/2018 10:48

villaniousbroodmare how awful! I bet those dogs weren't properly looked after or socialised too. I am sure that 99% of the time the idiot is on the other end of the lead.

OP posts:

Original poster

JemimaPyjamas · 19/12/2018 10:49

Junkmail would a dog warden remove the dog though? I think she needs to be forced into getting help before anything more drastic happens. I agree that the dog is probably anxious too!

OP posts:

Wordthe · 19/12/2018 10:53

I think there's a good chance the dog could turn on its owner in the situation
It does sound like a dangerous situation

I'm appalled to hear that a 6 year old boy has been killed by rottweilers

RangeRider · 19/12/2018 10:54

I think if she doesn't the chances of him getting PTS due to something awful happening are far higher. I have said as much to her too, albeit a bit more watered down!
So you say something like that to someone with anxiety and you wonder why she won't take your advice?!!!

Original poster

JemimaPyjamas · 19/12/2018 10:56

wordthe why do you think that?

OP posts:

Original poster

JemimaPyjamas · 19/12/2018 10:57

I ask as she and the dog seem fine with each other, its only with other people that there is a massive issue

OP posts:

Dotty1970 · 19/12/2018 10:57

Report it, these dogs are dangerous in my eyes, people will jump in saying its the owners, they are good with children etc etc and I agree with the owners bit however I think a lot of these staffie/bull terrier dogs have the potential to turn out of the blue and have 'bad genes'.
Every attack in the news I always say Staffie or similar and usually right every time.

Dotty1970 · 19/12/2018 11:00

Oh also forgot to add, some years ago dh neighbour had one for 7 years, trained excellent, well treated etc. She was lying in the floor watching TV and it basically went berserk and viciously attacked her leaving horrendous facial scaring requiring surgery, loss of most of her ear and much more.

Wordthe · 19/12/2018 11:06

It's just a feeling I have from your description, the dog is obviously too much for this woman she can't control it so the dog will feel as if it is the dominant 'person' in the household, you say she does a sing song voice so she puts herself in a subordinate position with a dog which is very dominant

I can just imagine her passing out drunk and the dog rips her face off.... that kind of thing

CardsforKittens · 19/12/2018 11:08

I'm not a dog person but I know some very well behaved staffies and I'm not sure how relevant the breed is; it's the behaviour that's the problem. If you spoke to the Dogs Trust what could they do to help? Would they be able to offer behavioural support of some kind?

PengAly · 19/12/2018 11:09

@Dotty1970 that's a really bad assumption to make. "Bad genes" aren't a thing. This dog is most likely aggressive due to the history he had by other HUMANS. you can't blame a breed

Op, yes report it to Dogs trust. This is dangerous for the owner, innocent bystanders and sadly its not fair on the dog either. I do feel sorry for this woman though

Original poster

JemimaPyjamas · 19/12/2018 11:12

Wordthe I think he is too much for her, she needs expert help and it's worrying that she isn't getting any.

CardsforKittens I mentioned the breed because I was describing the dog, thats all. Dogs Trust do offer support and advice but she has given excuses not to seek it. I think this might be because she is scared of them wanting to take the dog back as the excuses she has given me about it being too far (it's an hour, she has a car and time) are a bit lame.

OP posts:

Original poster

JemimaPyjamas · 19/12/2018 11:14

PengAly I agree, it's not fair on anyone, including and especially the dog! There is no info on his background other than he was picked up as a young, 8/9 month old, stray

OP posts:

AlpacaLypse · 19/12/2018 11:14

Hi @JemimaPyjamas I do the same thing as you. We work with a number of dogs who've gone through rescue and rehoming including a couple from Dogs Trust. In your position I would contact the branch of DT that this chap came from and explain your concerns. I agree that he does sound like he needs more support with training and socialisation than he's currently getting, and that his human is not well enough to recognise the situation for what it is.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 19/12/2018 11:14

Vilanous. Good God. His poor parents. The pain they must be in just makes you go cold thinking about it, doesn't it.
Being reasonable or unreasonable doesn't come into it. Peoples lives could be at risk. Heaven forbid but if it got hold of a child the poor little mite wouldn't stand a chance.
Barking is one thing. All dogs are territorial and will bark if someone Knocks or walks past but baring its teeth is very much another

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