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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it wrong to correct someone who uses the wrong there, their or they’re

117 replies

Faerie87 · 18/12/2018 21:35

Or Your and you’re?

I know of a few friends who use the wrong ones and I’ve always had the urge to correct them, but never do because I feel it would make me look like I am being mean.

What do other people do?

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 19/12/2018 00:29

I wonder how native speakers manage to?
I guess some people didnt listen in school, some had other things on their mind. Ive learnt lots from MN threads.
It is OK to correct when you're asked, like on these threads, otherwise it is rude.
I imagine for some kids learning the correct grammar was a world away from their thoughts, all things considered.

stabulous · 19/12/2018 00:29

Yes it is.

Dyslexia.

People who have not had the best education due to living in shitty areas, where grammar might not really be top of the list of things to worry about.

Folks who have been deliberately denied basic education and grammar by family members, to keep them 'stupid.' Happens more than you realise.

Inability to concentrate on stuff due to ADHD etc.

...and more besides. Leave folks alone. It just makes you sound like a stuck up arse.

HildaZelda · 19/12/2018 00:32

It's the use of the word 'of' when people actually mean 'have' that gets me.
Every bloody time. I honestly just fail to see how or why people can't understand this.

Saw a Facebook post from a friend recently about a night out that she had missed:
"I would of went if I would of known it had of been on"

Jesus wept! Shock

HestiaParthenos · 19/12/2018 01:11

Folks who have been deliberately denied basic education and grammar by family members, to keep them 'stupid.' Happens more than you realise.

So we should leave them alone, and therefore cause other people they interact with to think they're stupid?

I tell friends if they make consistent spelling mistakes so that they won't be embarrassed in front of strangers. Just like you would tell someone they have spinach stuck between their teeth, or whatever.

stabulous · 19/12/2018 01:35

Oddly enough it's possible to help someone learn without being a patronising superior twat.

Which is pretty much how people who get narky over grammar stuff appear. There are grammatical errors that bother me, but I keep them to myself because I'm not an overblown bore.

stabulous · 19/12/2018 01:37

@HestiaParthenos

Oh and I don't believe for a second that you correct folks to save them being embarrassed. You likely do it because it's bothers you, and nothing more. Don't dress it up as concern when it's not.

ImogenTubbs · 19/12/2018 01:50

I did for a long time because my family have always (and still do) corrected me and I (as a result) really want to get it right. It took me a while (I'm talking into my early 20s) to realise that not everyone else has that same desire and many people don't give a shit. So I stopped. Although I frequently still silently seethe.

And I correct work colleagues just to piss them off because we work in communications and we need to get it right.

MutedUser · 19/12/2018 02:41

HermioneKipper You internally judge people for their grammar what if they are dyslexic ? Do you also judge people in wheelchairs for not being able to walk?

sashh · 19/12/2018 03:30

Are there no people on mn who are dyslexic?

I am, but I'm OK with homonyms, they are totally different words to me.

No I'm crap with them, help me remember what use to use when!!

I have a crib sheet for students, the 'i' in their is a little stick figure waving a hat - so if you are talking about people you use 'their'. eg 'it's their dog'.

The're is a contraction of 'they are' so if you can change the word from the're to they are and it still makes sense you are using the correct one, if it doesn't then you are not eg 'my at is over the're' means you are saying, 'my hat is over they are' - it doesn't make sense so you know it is wrong.

There refers to places.

To, too and two.

Two is a number.

To is going somewhere, in some accents it is pronounced 'tu'.

Too, is the annoying little brother who tags along when you are going to somewhere.

'I'm going to the shop', annoying little brother, 'Can I come too?' - if I'm doing this in class I adopt a whiney voice and make it sound like tooooooooooooooooooooo.

KioreWahine · 19/12/2018 04:13

I have a few pals who correct me occasionally. They all went to private or grammar schools where as I went to a fairly crap comprehensive.

It's rude. I don't tell them I find it insulting because I am trying to be polite so they probably think it is okay. It's not.

A PP mentioned ignorance which rings a chord with me. One of the meaning of ignorance is that you have not been taught, or exposed to something. This is not something anyone should be ashamed of.

user1471426142 · 19/12/2018 04:25

I do at work but I’m often checking written work so it’s part of the job. I’d never correct friends or family unless they were asking me to proof something. I just think it’s rude.

There is always someone on Mumsnet who seems to take pleasure in correcting grammar, however inappropriate the timing or context. It is not always welcome to be a pedant and some people would be best remembering that before they make a point about their grammatical superiority in a domestic violence or similarly sensitive thread.

borntobequiet · 19/12/2018 05:22

I complain to businesses that misplace apostrophes in in-store promotions and suchlike (I teach Functional English, so get annoyed with commercial enterprises that set a bad example). I either complain at the customer services desk or via their website. If I complain online I generally get an irrelevant reply, frequently apologising for “inconveniencing” me.
I once complained to Boots about their misspelling of confectionery (confectionary, which is a word but not the one they meant) and got a response that not only made no sense but repeated the misspelling.

HeronLanyon · 19/12/2018 05:33

Incorrect use of fewer/less is a bugbear of mine - think because I love the word fewer. I do my damdest to say nothing.

I have never seen or heard a correction seem anything but likely to be aggravating for the corrected.

It would be great if we could all get over this but correcting somone’s Use of language (their first language anyway) is a comment on their education. Unfortunately and quite wrongly many link that to a comment on intelligence - both the corrected and correctee.

BertieBotts · 19/12/2018 05:45

If they are an adult then they probably aren't getting it wrong because they've never come across the notion of them being different or of ways to remember the difference before. They either don't care or they can't remember it for some reason. Therefore it's petty and mean to correct.

If it's a child or in a work/proofreading context, fine.

VioletPickles · 19/12/2018 05:49

I'd love to correct all the 'loose' 'lose' mistakes. But I wouldn't like to offend anyone. Having said that people might prefer to be told which the correct word is..

PickleMeThis · 19/12/2018 05:52

I would if it was one of my dc and it was their homework, but other than that I wouldn’t.

Bluebonnieblue · 19/12/2018 06:01

Teacher correcting students? Fine

Anyone else correcting literally anyone else? Rude

tillytrotter1 · 19/12/2018 06:06

Our local is selling a variety of flavoured gin's, drives me mad and it's painted onto a blackboard so I couldn't erase it. My butcher before we moved used to ask me to look at his notices and check for rogue apostrophes. One of my favourites was an almost new Mercedes Sprint van with professional looking signs on the side, one of which was for dress'es.

TheBaltictriangle · 19/12/2018 06:26

Drives me potty when I see grammatical errors but I would only correct my family not outsiders. I would use the correct spelling in the correct context in front of the spelling offender! For e.g. my friend uses could of so I make sure I use could/should/would have. Hopefully one day it'll click and she'll get it right.

deckthehallsred · 19/12/2018 06:44

I know someone who wanted to train to be an English teacher who does it constantly! Luckily for the children, she has decided not to go into teaching! I’ve never said anything because she thinks she is so clever and has actually told me how good she is a writing etc so I don’t think it would go down well.

Oysterbabe · 19/12/2018 06:45

It's incredibly rude.
My mum had a shocking upbringing. She was moved around between various relatives and never in the same school for more than 5 minutes. Her spelling and grammar was truly awful. She rarely wrote anything through embarrassment but if she did and someone corrected her she would have felt humiliated and very upset. Most of the time you know very little about someone so why would you risk hurting them rather than just let it go? It's not important in the grand scheme of things.

LoveAScaryTaleMe · 19/12/2018 07:37

Although as I said I would only correct students, I would not see it as rude if mistakes were pointed out discreetly. I would be more embarrassed if I thought everyone was judging me, so better to have one person address it so that I could correct it in future. In my job I once pointed out what I believed to be an innocent 'typo', to be met with a barrage of abuse because the person who created the document had actually thought the word was spelt that way and how dare I undermine her? A colleague of mine constantly uses brought instead of bought -"'I went shopping and brought a new top." I have never pointed it out, although the first time I heard her say "I nearly brought a coat this morning." I innocently asked her why she didn't just wear it instead of bringing it as it was quite cold today. She looked at me as if I was mad!

Polarbearflavour · 19/12/2018 08:51

I hate when I see/hear grammar errors but I bite my tongue. It just makes the writer/speaker look badly educated.

Someone does social media for a MoD base and they always mix up there and their. It looks awful as this is the official Facebook/Twitter feed. But I don’t know who they are so I can’t correct them.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 19/12/2018 08:55

It's not just about (diagnosed) dyslexia or poor education. I've a friend who's a senior lecturer at Cambridge. She regularly makes there/their and your/you're errors when typing fast. Her published work and teaching materials are perfect, so I have always assumed that she feels relaxed enough around me not to correct errors that clearly come naturally.

I can imagine people process sounds differently and just don't notice all of their mistakes.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 19/12/2018 08:56

(Incidentally, and with some irony, knowing this makes me guess people who judge minor spelling errors have little education in this area, though I wouldn't presume to draw conclusions beyond that.)

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