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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take a virus to my family for Christmas

29 replies

MRex · 18/12/2018 14:01

DS came down with Hand Foot and Mouth on Friday, confirmed by GP. DH and I had bad throats but otherwise ok, now today I suddenly have chills and aches (unsure if it's related but probably?). We're due to go on Saturday and I need to cancel the booking very soon if we won't go. My family would be very disappointed, but I don't want to make them ill and they can be a bit cavalier about infections. I feel like I'm being unreasonable whether we go or not because the timeline makes us "maybe" contagious. What do you think? I've asked some of them for their opinion and just had it shrugged off.

OP posts:
Allthepinkunicorns · 18/12/2018 14:03

Don't go, I'm sure your family will understand why and would prefer you to keep your germs to yourself.

BlackInk · 18/12/2018 14:20

Could you not just go a day or two later? It's quite possible that any adults affected won't get full blown HFM. It may just be a cold. And your DC should be better by then. I wouldn't cancel unless you and your DH definitely have HFM.

XJerseyGirlX · 18/12/2018 14:23

Go later, don't take your germs

lljkk · 18/12/2018 14:24

I am one of the cavalier.
If you feel too ill to travel, fair enough. However, I'd be annoyed if you stayed away just because you didn't want to maybe share. Active vomiting virus yes, you can stay away for that, but rest I'd be unafraid of. & disappointed that I didn't see you.

So don't think MN is right to ask, but ask your family what they want.

ShadyLady53 · 18/12/2018 14:24

Absolutely do not go.

Helix1244 · 18/12/2018 14:44

I think most adults are immune anyway. Schools and nursrry generally dont exclude for hfm. There are several strains. One think though is i think it may be an enterovirus so can make people vomit. You can be contagious for weeks after anyway

Original poster
MRex · 18/12/2018 14:54

The contagion period really confuses me, it seems to be highly variable and I'm not happy about locking ourselves in the house away from everyone for 4 weeks "just in case".

OP posts:
Original poster
MRex · 18/12/2018 14:54

@Helix1244 - some are some aren't apparently. No vomiting here.

OP posts:
IdblowJonSnow · 18/12/2018 15:00

If you've asked them and they are aware then it's their call if they're happy to take the risk? Unless they are being too polite to say don't come?
I know lots of people who just turn up with vomiting babies which is definitely not on! Xmas SadXmas Shock

Littleraindrop15 · 18/12/2018 15:04

Speak to them and see what they say

Thesearmsofmine · 18/12/2018 15:12

I wouldn’t go, I’ve had hfm as an adult and it can be miserable.

WhoGivesADamnForAFlakeyBandit · 18/12/2018 15:12

Are you getting there on your own in the car?

lynnepot · 18/12/2018 15:16

If you're ill you're I'll. Sods law I know but ds won't enjoy the travelling and no one will thank you later for passing on the bug. You've still got a bit of time yet though for the bug to pass through

TakeMe2Insanity · 18/12/2018 15:19

Do’t go, why spread the misery?

DontPanic42 · 18/12/2018 15:37

Ask your family, if they are ok with it and you feel ok, then go

firstevernamechange · 18/12/2018 15:39

How about you call your host, explain the situation and give them the choice.

agnurse · 18/12/2018 15:41

Team don't go here. The first Christmas Hubby and I were together, we visited both my mother and father's extended families. All of us got a NASTY stomach bug. We have since termed that year The Christmas From Hell.

Even if the adults don't get sick, you and your partner and your child will be feeling miserable.

Kariana · 18/12/2018 15:42

Can't you just rearrange your booking to go a day later?

If they aren't bothered I'd just go tbh, you've warned them!

kaytee87 · 18/12/2018 15:42

HFM doesn't have any exclusion period according to NHS.

Original poster
MRex · 18/12/2018 16:38

What does that mean @kaytee87?

To clarify one point, I've told the family and they all still want us to come. Which doesn't mean it's a good idea, just that they said to come.

We won't be driving @WhoGivesADamnForAFlakeyBandit.

I could delay a day or two, but I don't think that makes us 100% non-infectious? (And it'll be tricky with the flat booking.)

OP posts:
CookPassBabtridge · 18/12/2018 16:43

If they've all said go then they really want to see you despite it, you gave them the choice so I would go.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 18/12/2018 16:48

Hi OP

Are there any vulnerable people? Elderly, I'll or pregnant? If not and they are OK with you going then I would go.

My youngest had it 4 weeks ago. She came down with it on the Saturday morning. The doctor said no need to avoid people unless newborn or pregnant etc. Even nursery don't send them home! I kept her at home a week and then avoided some other stuff (friends with a young baby, swimming etc) for another few days mainly because she looked awful - it looked like chicken pox and would have freaked people out. Anyway no one else got it, and within a week I think the spots had scabbed over and mostly fallen off.

So I think I'd still plan to go to be honest

PumpkinKitty82 · 18/12/2018 16:50

My dh managed to catch it somehow but none of us got it.
His was quite mild though as he just had bumps on his hands and feet but felt awful with flu like symptoms the first day or two of the virus..
You may feel better by sat , you have a few days yet

kaytee87 · 18/12/2018 16:54

What does that mean @kaytee87?

It means there's no need to stay at home, off school, work or nursery unless you don't feel well enough of course

Original poster
MRex · 18/12/2018 17:23

@AmIRightOrAMeringue - elderly yes, one parent is not in great general health. Pregnant - no, I've specifically warned the only ones who might feasibly get pregnant as it's a risk, they confirmed they aren't pregnant.

OP posts: