Without going into the long back story, suffice to say my mother is a narcissist and controlling and I spend as little time with her as possible. I have spent only a couple of Christmasses with her over the last 20 odd years, and she has managed to be vile on both those occassions, so I am delighted when she usually plans to spend them abroad, meaning I can spend them with my good friend and kids, who I consider family, or, even, on my own! At the beginning of this year, however, she had a TIA. She has no lasting physical symptoms, but 'psychological, manifesting as physical' (eg short of breath, weak voice). Because of her TIA she has ordered myself and sister (golden child) to spend xmas eve, day and boxing day with her. I have no way of seeing my friend and kids who live a couple of hours away. I mentioned that I would like to see them eve or boxing day and she hit the roof about my selfishness and lack of concern for her now. That I was needed to do all the 'work' around xmas. Turns out she has invited friends for Boxing Day and sister and I are to prepare the meal for them. I have no husband or children to use as an excuse. AIBU to feel trapped and used? I am willing to accept that perhaps one is supposed to spend three days with their mother, and not see other friends or family. I will state every miserable minute of it.