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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want DS to come home?

28 replies

BandOfOses · 18/12/2018 12:32

DS (17) is a constant self harmed. He’s violent and suffers with rage. On Sunday night he came home arguining with someone on the phone and then stabbed him self in the stomach with a kitchen knife. He then ran off. Police and ambulance were called ... he was running down street at 2am screaming and shouting. Police followed up other calls by members of public and eventually found him suffering with stab wounds. He had emergency surgery and is now recovering on surgical ward. Mental health team are going to assess him as soon as he’s medically fit. I’m terrified they will simply send him home for him to do the same thing again. I know he will either kill him self or kill someone else. He threatens to kill people regularly.

WIBU to push for him to be sectioned? For his own safety and everyone else’s?

He’s currently awaiting the outcome of a serious assault charge on a random stranger which happened weeks ago so he is no stranger to violent attacks on others.

OP posts:

UpstartCrow · 18/12/2018 12:35

Yanbu at all, he isnt making empty threats, and you aren't equipped to deal with the consequences
You may need to tell them that you cant take him back, to get him the help he needs.

Original poster

BandOfOses · 18/12/2018 12:35

I feel so guilty, he’s desperate to come home and will think I just don’t want him. He’ll never understand

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 18/12/2018 12:36

You'd be doing absolutely the right thing. He needs immediate help and if he comes home he risks killing himself or someone else. That's as serious as it can get.

UpstartCrow · 18/12/2018 12:38

I cant imagine how bad you must feel, but he needs expert care, if he hurts someone else there's no coming back from that.

Threewheeler1 · 18/12/2018 12:38

Exactly what Upstart said.
He's currently a risk to himself, his family and the public.
He needs to be detained for assessment and care.
Good luck OP

goldengummybear · 18/12/2018 12:41

Yanbu at all. You must be terrified! I have a 17 year old too so know how despite the big body, they are vulnerable inside. You're doing the right thing by pushing for proper help. I hope you get it.

BarbarianMum · 18/12/2018 12:43

He's your ds and hes a child. You owe it to him to support him but by pressing for him to receive the support he so desperately needs, not by having him home, poorly supported (if at all). It would not be a mindness to have him home where he might hurt himself or someone he loves, he needs to be sectioned. Fight for that.

BarbarianMum · 18/12/2018 12:43

kindness

Threewheeler1 · 18/12/2018 12:46

It doesn't sound as though he's able to think rationally at the moment.
You have no choice but to get him the help he needs.
You're doing it because you love him. He might not be in a position to understand this now but in the future he may.
This must be so tough on you but there's no question that it's the right thing to do. You're not abandoning him, you're trying to keep him safe and give him a future.
Hoping there's someone in your life who can support you through all this, it's a very brave thing you're doing

Drum2018 · 18/12/2018 12:47

Don't agree to take him home even if the hospital need him out. I'd hope at 17 he won't be allowed to sign himself out. You are not trained to deal with this behaviour and he needs expert help asap.

icannotremember · 18/12/2018 12:52

Whether or not he is detained under section will not be affected by you pushing for it or not- if the conditions are met, he will be, if they are not, he won't be. But do make it very, very clear, to the hospital, to the amhp, to social services, to camhs, to everyone that he cannot come home to you and you cannot care for him.

justilou1 · 18/12/2018 12:56

Sounds like you're frightened that you might be at risk too. Worth mentioning this to the police and his mental health team as well. You are in an impossibly difficult situation, OP - being the mother of someone who is dangerously unwell. I hope that things get put in place so you can both have a peaceful Christmas.

skybluee · 18/12/2018 13:01

No, what you say could affect whether he's sectioned or not. They have to consult the nearest relative before certain sections, not all. They can agree or decline, if they decline they go through another process to try to override it. Try everything to get him help before he turns 18, it will be a lot harder then.

SimplySteve · 18/12/2018 13:01

Do you think stabbing himself was an act of self harm or attempted suicide? It's an important distinction.

If you fear for your own safety then you definitely need to be acting to get him help.

Doyoumind · 18/12/2018 13:08

Gosh. I don't think you can afford to worry about what he will think of you. He's not thinking clearly and you need to do what you can to protect him (and others). I hope he gets the help he needs.

Dimsumlosesum · 18/12/2018 13:14

You may be his parent, but you are not a qualified (I assume) mental health professional - it sounds like your son desperately needs help, and the kind through no fault of your own you are not able to provide. He needs to be properly seen to. FIngers crossed for you he gets the help he needs x

worriedmumofson · 18/12/2018 13:17

YANBU. Sometimes you have to do the harder thing rather than the easier thing. It's what he needs to get the help that he needs and you are being a lovely mother by being prepared to do that for him rather than accepting the status quo. He most likely won't see that now because he's not in a rational place but in the future when he's had the help that he so needs he will - and he'll have you to thank for that.

BumbleBeee69 · 18/12/2018 13:19

I agree with everyone here OP.. he needs professional help now

justonemoreminutepls · 18/12/2018 13:21

my first ever
what an awful thing to do be dealing with OP.
i hope he gets the help he needs and that you have the support too.
i think given everything you've said, it should be highly likely that he is sectioned. xxx

GeorgeTheHippo · 18/12/2018 13:27

I think the point you need to make is that this young man is a danger to himself and to others. You are neither trained nor equipped to look after him. The fact that he is your son makes no difference.

icannotremember · 18/12/2018 14:11

No, what you say could affect whether he's sectioned or not. They have to consult the nearest relative before certain sections, not all.

They can't detain under s3 if the nearest relative objects (unless they displace the nearest relative). They only have to inform the nearest relative for detention under s2, their objection or otherwise is immaterial. But what I meant was, op can't 'push for him to be sectioned' and that make the difference. Although I suppose if the op makes it very, very clear that discharge to her home with a 'package of care' is not an option, that could tip the balance if they are undecided as to the best option for him.

I hope you're ok, op.

Seniorschoolmum · 18/12/2018 14:17

YAnbu at all.

It isn’t that you don’t want him home, but you want him to be safe, and not to damage his future any further. And you can’t achieve that at home.
He needs professional full time support, at least in the short term.

Original poster

BandOfOses · 18/12/2018 15:56

Thanks for all the replies. It looks like he will be sectioned. I feel so guilty, him being stuck in hospital over Christmas but I’d be suicidal with guilt if he came home and succeeded in killing himself. The MH team agree with me that he is a danger to himself and others. He has no emotion about what’s happened, he has no emotion about the possibility of prison for his earlier assault charge ... he takes nothing seriously. I’m just glad he’s finally getting taken seriously

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 18/12/2018 16:09

That is a good result, thanks for updating. Please don't feel guilty - you wouldnt if he was in hospital over Christmas with a burst appendix, you'd think he was in the best place for his health.

goldengummybear · 18/12/2018 16:30

That's a great result OP. I hope that you have lots of real life support too.

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