...or is my MIL?

[whatsthetimemisterwolf]

My MIL has a long history of being overbearing (she even phoned the hospital when I was giving birth to my son as my fiancee/her son was not answering his cellphone! and not listening to me.

It is my son's 2nd birthday on 21st December and she wanted to have a Christmas party at her place that day (we are away visiting my family over Christmas. We have had the past 2 Christmases with MIL)

I said no as I want my son to have a birthday not a merged day.I invited them for dinner here,as well as some friends.

She has told my partner she will bring Christmas presents for my son and daughter.

Last year she turned up with two sacks of plastic crap and told my children Santa had taken them to her place.I had organised a small treasure hunt from Santa leading to a trampoline - not good enough,apparently!

Anyway,I want to tell her no Christmas presents and if she likes,we can have a late Christmas after we get back.Is this reasonable?

Or am I being a killjoy?She said my son won't know it is his birthday anyway.

Any thoughts appreciated - the history with her can cloud my judgement....

Killjoy from me.

She sounds like a perfectly normal GP, she asked you over for dinner you said no, you asked her back, she brought presents.

My Mil bought sacks of crap every year for mine. BIL left them all at his mums after the day, she was deeply hurt. I took ours home, every year and put them in the shed, then got a random crap toy out at various times throughout the year when they were very much appreciated and played with.

It really isn't a big deal.

We have very early January birthdays, useful for things off the list that Father Christmas couldn't manage!

@Whatsthetimemisterwolf , I totally get why this grates, she’s making it all about her enjoyment of the kids rather than yours, and kind of stealing your thunder.

You give birth? She’s intruding into that moment by calling.

You plan a special Christmas surprise with the trampoline? She gets in there first by foisting loads of presents on the kids first.

You want to enjoy getting the kids excited about Santa Claus? She tells them Santa went to her house instead and pips you to the post.

You want to make a fuss of your son’s birthday? You’re scared she’s going to do the same thing as last year, steal your thunder and make your son’s birthday about her instead.

She’s totally overstepping the mark, but it’s not clear if it’s intentional or she’s just insensitive. My sister has the same thing with her MIL, all the subtle undermining of her role as mother really upsets her. She rang the hospital multiple times during my sister’s labour, so much so that a tannoy announcement went out in the delivery room ten minutes after sister had given birth!!

It’s not as simple as ‘you should be grateful she wants to show her love for her kids’ and would upset me too. I think you should explain things to your husband and get him to handle it sensitively. I would also agree some firm rules with your husband and get him to enforce them so you’re not in the firing line.

Good luck and have a lovely time for your son’s birthday!