Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP followed fitness page full of half naked women...

49 replies

LaureHea · 17/12/2018 23:20

My DP has followed a fitness page on Instagram that has a lot of women working out on it, lots of half naked women etc...

I'm 8 weeks pp. feel shit about myself and hate that we haven't had sex for ages.

I don't know whether to tell him I'm upset about it? Or if it's just something blokes do and I need to get over it...

OP posts:
Original poster
LaureHea · 17/12/2018 23:26

Actually feel like crying right now but part of me knows if I bring it up he will think I'm jealous. Which I am slightly considering the state of my body right now.

OP posts:
tinatsarina · 17/12/2018 23:30

I would say to him I mean he's your partner he probably doesn't realise how it makes you feel

Cheeeeislifenow · 17/12/2018 23:31

Sorry Op, it's rough when you feel like shit, my ig feed is full of hot men, actors and celebrities, I wouldn't read too much into that. Have you had sex or anything since baby? (Not that you should)
8 weeks pp is a really hard time, baby is a new newborn yet you're still feeling wrecked.

Cheeeeislifenow · 17/12/2018 23:32

Baby *isn't a new newborn....

Disquieted1 · 17/12/2018 23:32

Sorry but I think he's being an asshole. He needs to let you know how beautiful you are, not ogling other women.
Call him out.

YADNBU

Original poster
LaureHea · 17/12/2018 23:33

@Cheeeeislifenow the site is literally like soft porn, kinda like Dan Bilzarean type stuff. It just makes me feel horrid. I know men look at hot women I just feel so ugly. Don't think it would've bothered me so much before...

OP posts:
Original poster
LaureHea · 17/12/2018 23:34

I just know if I call him out, I'll be made to feel like a fool. Like I'm jealous and that they're just photos..,

OP posts:
Cheeeeislifenow · 17/12/2018 23:34

Disquieted do you not ever look at other men?

Op is he treating you well in your relationship?

Cheeeeislifenow · 17/12/2018 23:35

I get you feel sensitive about your body right now.. I know that feeling well.

Original poster
LaureHea · 17/12/2018 23:37

@Cheeeeislifenow he treats me just fine.

I just feel so ugly right now. I'm honestly not nice to look at. He's not followed sites like that before so it's unsettled me.

I just feel that confronting him will make me seem jealous, he will unfollow (but probably still look anyway!).

OP posts:
Original poster
LaureHea · 17/12/2018 23:38

@Disquieted1 I don't think he's an asshole. I think he's just horny and we haven't had sex in a long time (months). I now feel a huge pressure to have sex and look great....

OP posts:
Original poster
LaureHea · 17/12/2018 23:40

Someone come along and tell me it's me being silly and it's normal for men to look at shit like this please?

I feel like a bloody 15 year old getting jealous over stupid shit again...

OP posts:
Cheeeeislifenow · 17/12/2018 23:45

It is normal for men to look at these things .and perhaps he is looking at material so that he doesn't want to pressure you into sex. So he can relieve himself.
But how you feel is perfectly normal as well.
Could you have a conversation about how you're feeling and acknowledge that it may seem silly to be jealous...and you know that but just let him know how sensitive you feel at the moment.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/12/2018 23:49

Why can't you admit to him that this DOES make you feel jealous? Then explain to him why. Ask how he would feel if the situation were reversed. Tell him exactly how insecure and down you feel. Now is not the time to expect him to read your mind.

ReanimatedSGB · 17/12/2018 23:51

Do talk to him, but don't make it confrontational. Let him know you want some reassurance and you are not feeling good about your body at the moment rather than calling him disgusting or a pervert. They are just pictures, and lots of people like to look at attractive models/celebrities. TBH don't even mention that you know he has looked at this website. Otherwise you might end up in a row about your snooping into his internet use, which won't be helpful - besides, the real problem is that you want reassurance and comfort from him when you're feeling low.

Toomuchworking · 17/12/2018 23:56

You are lovely to look at! You just made a human ffs, every bit that looks different served a purpose and he should respect and adore the body that is that baby's temple. Tell him you're feeling - very understandably - insecure because your body has transformed in a way that he can't possible understand (theirs barely even change through puberty!) and it makes you feel like shit that while you're getting used to this body that was two people but is now one but is still in high demand, you would appreciate it if he made you feel like a bloody goddess rather than ogling flat stomachs and pert tits. Jeeeeez these men need to grow up.

Original poster
LaureHea · 18/12/2018 00:01

Wish I didn't look at his followers now. I was only trying to find a mutual friend to follow :(

OP posts:
tildaMa · 18/12/2018 00:06

I think he's just horny and we haven't had sex in a long time (months). I now feel a huge pressure to have sex and look great....

Would you prefer him to pressure you into having sex when you're still recovering from having the baby?

Original poster
LaureHea · 18/12/2018 00:08

@tildaMa no of course not but it's not like you HAVE to do either. I guess I wish hd just looked without following so I was none the wiser. I'm just insecure at the moment :(

OP posts:
PositiveVibez · 18/12/2018 00:09

I would be so disappointed if I seen my husband was doing this tbh.

He isn't admiring their work out skills, he is looking at them as objects.

You have just given birth to his child and he is perving on other women.

Disrespectful and sexist.

tildaMa · 18/12/2018 00:21

@LaureHea it's not like you have to have PIV sex either. You could have a lot of fun in the bedroom without actual intercourse if you feel physically up to it - and it could do wonders to your self esteem. You know, a natural dose of oxytocin and endorphines.

Original poster
LaureHea · 18/12/2018 09:28

@tildaMa I think I'm gonna need more than that to boost my self esteem :(

OP posts:
Thisnamechanger · 18/12/2018 09:32

Bit extreme calling him an asshole! If he's being otherwise good I don't think it's worth falling out over. IG is full of this sort of thing, there are loads of gym bunnies (male and female) on mine.

Original poster
LaureHea · 18/12/2018 09:39

@Thisnamechanger definitely don't think he's an asshole. Think I'm just ultra sensitive at 8 weeks pp, with a jelly belly and lots of stretch marks.

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 18/12/2018 09:42

The thing is if all the appreciation and attention that you want is being given to others, it will cause jealousy . Jealousy is about feeling inadequate and a bit unlovable.

If your scared of him throwing
“ you’re just jealous” at you say yes, I am jealous, it’s really painful, I feel unattractive.
There’s nothing at all wrong with asking for reassurance.

With me if I feel loveable and appreciated i don’t tend to feel threatened.
I really get it, especially if this behaviour of his is new.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.