DP followed fitness page full of half naked women...

[LaureHea]

My DP has followed a fitness page on Instagram that has a lot of women working out on it, lots of half naked women etc...

I'm 8 weeks pp. feel shit about myself and hate that we haven't had sex for ages.

I don't know whether to tell him I'm upset about it? Or if it's just something blokes do and I need to get over it...

I'd leave him alone. I have a lot of women on my too. You don't very look at anyone else, or pics or Instas like that normally ( i.e. not pp)?

@Canibuildasnowman not really. It has half naked women in tiny thongs and in sexual positions all over it. If I were to look at stuff like that it would be private. I wouldn't openly follow it...

He isn't admiring their work out skills, he is looking at them as objects.

Is that different for women looking at men rather than men looking at women then? Just saying as I follow men working out but not interested in them, I actually like looking for inspiration for different workouts.

So it's not 'fitness' at all then? Just straight forward mucky mag stuff? I still think looking is fine, touching is not... that's the rule in our house. I don;t police who my DW fancies, and she does the same.

@Larasshadow this page isn't women doing proper workouts. It's women in g strings and bikinis in extremely provocative positions. He's definitely not admiring them working out.

@Canibuildasnowman yes, it's a bit grim. I just don't know whether I'm overreacting because of the state of my own body at the moment.

What could you do to help you feel better about yourself LaureHea? I look like crap at the moment too, because I've not got the time to take care of myself. Would it be helpful if he had baby for a few hours so you could get a hair cut, have a massage etc? It's all superficial stuff but might help make you like yourself a bit more.

I wouldn't say anything about the IG page, it's not the main issue. You need some reassurance and some time to focus on you for a change. The sex stuff will happen when you're ready.

@Bombardier25966 thank you. I'm not going to mention it I've decided.

I need to get back in the gym. I used to live there. Baby is tiny and EBF though so not going to happen anytime soon. I need decent exercises I can do at home that will genuinely help me get fit again but struggling as home workouts are so much less intense.

It's only been 8 weeks and you WILL get your body back, I promise.
But pregnant or not pregnant,I would not be ok with my husband following a page like that. Would he care if you followed a page w half naked fire fighters etc??

DO NOT FEEL A FOOL for calling him out!!

This is down right disrespectful! You have just given this man a child! If he can't wait a few months for you to return to normal then I'd seriously have concerns with his level of respect for me ... keep your chin up! Once your body settles and you start to feel like you again, give yourself a hot Make over! X

@Mymomsbetterthanyomom to be honest I don't think he would care or even notice. He's much more laid back than I am and doesn't worry about this kind of stuff. Thing is, I don't follow stuff like that. Mainly because I'm in a job that would be compromised if I did (high up in law enforcement working in child protection), but also because I don't want to.

I honestly look like a bowl of jelly... it's grim! I'm upset about my huge stretch marks (one is an inch wide) so know I won't really get my body back. Just need a new one. It's the realisation that DP can now only look at a perfect lovely body in photos and mine will never look like that again.

OP if you're looking for home workouts I highly recommend Fitness Blender on YouTube, they're great and have loads of 10 min workouts for particular areas as well as more intense longer ones.

Thanks @Thisnamechanger - looking specifically for resistance band stuff so will definitely check that out!

Just because it's "normal" for men to perv over soft porn doesn't mean your feelings aren't valid. I'd find this really disrespectful personally. You're ALLOWED to feel insecure and jealous. Especially after the huge stressful miracle you've just pulled off.

Talk to him. Calmly. Rationally. Acknowledge your emotions and ask him to do the same. Giving you that reassurance (and some time to yourself so you can focus on feeling hot again) is the absolute least he can do for you after the physical and mental sacrifices you have made to give grow and deliver his child.

I'm sorry but I think "calling him out" for looking at attractive people/semi naked bodies is a bit unfair. He's not overtly sat there watching porn or plastering your walls with posters of half naked women and wanking in front of you. It's human nature to be interested in attractive people and naked bodies. I don't think there is anything to call him out on, and if he's an otherwise kind and considerate partner who makes you feel loved then I don't see what he's doing wrong.

OP, this isn't really about him following this account. It's about how you feel about yourself at the moment. I understand it. I've had two babies and those months after giving birth when you're tired and your body feels unfamiliar are tough. However, I think you need to separate the two things. Him looking at photos of half naked women is nothing to do with how he sees and feels about you.

I think you should explain to him how low you're feeling about yourself at the moment. If he's a decent person he will reassure you, make you feel loved and give you the support you need.

@Woooman thank you. I needed that. I think you're absolutely right.

I know exactly how you feel, im the same exact it took us so long to get pregnant, i was depressed and turned to food for comfort. I put on a lot of weight. I hadnt even had a baby and i cant bare the thought of my husband looking at these pages. I would approach him and cry hysterically and thats just me! I have a 5 month old now but i have always been an emotional wreck. I bet he doesnt know how you feel and doesnt think these things when he looks at you. Xxx

I dont think my comment made sense. What i meant it i hadnt a baby before and felt that way lol

Laure, be kind to yourself. Having a baby is tough and it does takes its toll. I struggled with a similar situation after the birth of my first dc. My body looked horrible and flabby, and I looked exhausted. I felt an absolute wreck. I saw he was following a couple of similar accounts on Instagram and it made me feel rubbish. When I told him how I felt he honestly looked bemused, hugged me, told me I always look beautiful and that I'd just grown a human. He was the one who told me to take my time getting my body back to normal and that when I wanted the help and support to do that then he would be there for me. But if I was happy with how I was then that was fine as well. He made me feel secure and I realised that I had to separate myself from the woman in the photo. One of us was a real person in his life who he loved, the other was just a photo of a stranger.

You know what, I think I'd actually be ok with it if my dh was discreet about it, ie if he looked at those pages but didn't follow them.
Publicly Following them is disrespectful to you, IMO.
Even if I was fine about it, I wouldn't like my friends & family to see my dh following and liking those pages. I wouldn't like them to think that he's some creepy old pervert.
I'm pretty sure my dh looks, and I sometimes do too. It only takes a second to type a name into the search bar. In fact, if I type 'A', Instagram will finish it for me and instantly suggest that page for me.

Congratulations on your baby. 8 weeks is nothing at all, very early days.

Just wanted to say for comfort- I appreciate looking at men and women who have nice bodies and look fit, toned, tattooed in general but it doesn’t even cross my mind when I get into bed with my slightly overweight, definitely not toned partner. It has absolutely no hold over our relationship and I love him and his body. I can pretty much say with certainty that most people feel the exact same way and not to let it worry you in any way. You grew and cared for his child, that’s all that will be in his mind when he looks at you (based on what you’ve said about how he treats you well and is a nice guy)

I would honestly talk to him

look at a perfect lovely body in photos and mine will never look like that again.
But your lucky to ever have had a good body. Mines always been mediocre at best and I’ve always hated it.
Not that I’m trying to minimise, but it’s that old thing that if everyone sat round a table and put their problems out with a view to swapping, you might be happy to take yours back.

You’ll probable look great I’m a one piece, but lots of us never have. Don’t mourn the bikini!

But I hope your confidence improves soon. Being turned into a mum can be a shock to the system.
All the best op.

I just know if I call him out, I'll be made to feel like a fool.

Well that definitely wouldn't be cool. And I would think it was embarrassing and a bit offensive of my DH followed soft porn on IG. I'm sure he probably watches porn sometimes but he keeps that completely private.

mine will never look like that again

There's no reason why not. Loads of women get back to the same level of fitness after pregnancy!